Personal Statement:Mechanical Engineering 2

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Mechanical Engineering Personal Statement

My choice of career was initially difficult. My interests are widely varied, covering everything from biology to philosophy and from art to technology. I have come to see engineering as a discipline that can satisfy and further develop my interests. I have enjoyed studying Maths and Physics at A-Level, and this has helped me to refine my problem-solving skills as well as increasing my theoretical knowledge. I am especially interested how maths reveals parallels between separate branches of physics. My studies, and my wide experience of engineering from a work perspective has shown me that my career choice is correct.

Over Christmas 2003, I worked in a cycle shop, dealing with assembly, maintenance and repair. This first taste of engineering as work rather than a hobby whetted my appetite for more.

Every weekend since November 2003, I have worked in the warehouse at a Comet store, where one of my responsibilities is to deal with returned products. Working with faulty electrical goods has shown me first-hand what opportunities for improvement exist across the field.

After finishing GCSEs, I participated in a 12-week training placement at Chromogenex, a local medical engineering firm. The experience was fascinating, and I accepted an offer of employment with the company until I started college, and have been asked to return whenever I am available in the future. My work at Chromogenex was varied, including production and service, and I was given significant quality control duties. One of my most interesting responsibilities was to write the Work Instructions and Procedures, which production and service engineers will refer to as guidance to ensure that all products are of the highest standard.

In October 2006, I took a week's work placement at a Rhos Designs, a design engineering firm whose main client is 3M. I enjoyed the CAD work, and the chance to take part in real projects, which will soon be put to use at 3M's various sites across Britain.

I also like to use CAD for projects of my own, which recently included drawing up a design for a competition in which I participated. The competition involved planning and designing a home-made potato launcher to a deadline and a tight budget. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and am already working on my next design!

During 2005, I was part of a four-person team working on a project on the EESW scheme run by the Royal Academy of Engineering. The project was an exciting task set by Corus at Trostre Tinplate Works. We were asked to design and build a solution to the problem of split edges in the cold rolling line. Our solution was effective and economical, and if adopted by Corus, could save the company thousands of pounds per hour, as the line would no longer need to be stopped in order to carry out emergency repairs. We designed and built a prototype solution, and a mock-up of Trostre's SCADA system to demonstrate the solution's potential. Our project received a prize for 'Most effective use of IT' at the Welsh National Convention of Excellence in Engineering.

Before starting my degree course, I intend to enrol on the YinI scheme, which should give me an in-depth experience of engineering work, and help ground my subsequent studies.

In my spare time, I enjoy computing, and am fluent with several operating systems and specific software packages. I have attended part-time courses in programming, graphics, CAD and Programmable Controllers for my own interest.

Another important interest for me is linguistics, and I intend to continue my study of French to the highest level as well as beginning to learn other languages alongside engineering.

For me, studying at this university would be as much about the experience as the qualification. I believe that engineering is a discipline that will offer me a chance to make a tangible difference in the world, and I am certain I will enjoy the opportunity to fully reach this potential.

Universities Applied to:

• University of Manchester (AAB) - Offer
• University of Bath (AAB) - Offer
• University of Bristol (ABB) - Offer
• Cardiff University (ABB) - Offer
• Swansea University (BBC) - Offer

Grades Achieved:

predicted AAA

Comments

General Comments:

This PS is a good basis to work with, but there is a lot of room for improvement. It is clear that the applicant has a lot of work experience to talk about. However, it should be quality over quantity. Rather than listing what the applicant has done in each, it would be far better to discuss what they gained and found interesting, specific to mechanical engineering. There are too many references to engineering in general; it should be clear throughout the statement exactly what course (area as well) the applicant is applying for. The work experience reads very much like a list at the moment too, with the dates starting each paragraph for them. The hobbies are also lacking slightly.

Comments on the statement:

My choice of career was initially difficult. Maybe replace the full stop with ‘because’, as otherwise it is quite a negative way to start a PS. My interests are widely varied, covering everything from biology to philosophy and from art to technology. So far, these sentences add nothing to the application. While it may be true, it's not a detail I think important or entirely positive. It would be better to start off with something more specific to engineering, such as the following sentence --> I have come to see This is rather passive wording and takes up too many unnecessary characters engineering as a discipline that can satisfy and further develop my interests. It is important to emphasise what it is about engineering that really interests you. Universities are looking for raw enthusiasm so this is the right place to show it. I have enjoyed studying Mathematics and Physics at A-Level, and this has helped me to refine my problem solving skills as well as increasing my theoretical knowledge. This doesn’t really add anything personal about the applicant, as this will be the case for everyone studying those subjects I am especially interested how maths reveals parallels between separate branches of physics. An example of these parallels is important here and will better demonstrate interest and awareness of the subject. Also, the sentences start with ‘I’, which means they don’t flow very well. My studies, and my wide experience of engineering from a work commercial perspective has shown me that my career choice is correct. Good but I would strongly suggest you mention the specific name of your degree here, rather than just ‘career choice’. This is also another opportunity to show off your enthusiasm… Try express your interest in mechanical engineering, and perhaps hint at your future plans.

Overall an OK first paragraph, but some more expression and detail about their enthusiasm for engineering would improve it. The structure seems fine, once the grammar is made more varied.

Over Christmas 2003, The date isn't essential, it depends on how much space they have I worked in a cycle shop, comma not needed dealing with assembly, maintenance and repair. This first taste of engineering as work rather than a hobby whetted my appetite for more. A good experience but it lacks just one step and a bit of detail. *Why* did it whet their appetite? What appealed to them?

This doesn’t really work well as a paragraph on its own. Instead, it should be merged with the paragraph below.

Every weekend since November 2003, again, dates not important I have worked in the warehouse at a Comet store, where one of my responsibilities is to deal with returned products. Working with faulty electrical goods has shown me first-hand what opportunities for improvement exist across the field. This is a matter of personal preference but it’s probably best to avoid making a statement like that… Working with faulty electrical goods is unlikely to give you an insight into the improvement opportunities across the whole field of engineering. It would be better to say something of how it has given you a knowledge into the inner workings of consumer devices and further developed your problem solving ability (as an engineer, problem solving ability is crucial, and universities will be impressed if you can show how you have developed it practically through commercial experience).

Overall these two above paragraphs have good experience in them, but the applicant isn’t selling them to the best of their ability. They could be better utilised to relate to engineering and how they became interested in the field. This is more important than the factual details like the name of the company and the dates they carried out the experience.

After finishing GCSEs, I participated in a twelve-week write numbers out in full training placement at Chromogenex, a local medical engineering firm. The experience was fascinating, ok but why? This is the key question! and I accepted an offer of employment with the company until I started college, and have been asked to return whenever I am available in the future. This bit isn't really relevant or important to the application. again this isn't relevant. My work at Chromogenex was varied, including production and service, and I was given significant quality control duties. This sentence is worded awkwardly. One of my most interesting responsibilities was to write the work instructions and procedures, which production and service engineers will refer to as guidance to ensure that all products are of the highest standard. This could be significantly improved by discussing what the applicant gained from the experience… It may seem obvious, but universities like to see a link between experience and personal development. It needs to be related more specifically to how it helped their interest in engineering.

In October 2006, I took a week's work placement at a Rhos Designs, a design engineering firm whose main client is 3M. I enjoyed the CAD work, and the chance to take part in real projects, which will soon be put to use at 3M's various sites across Britain. CAD is important in engineering, so rather than describing what the company does, the applicant should show their appreciation for its relevance and discuss their interest in it. [merged paragraphs] I also like to use CAD for projects of my own, which recently included drawing up a design for a competition in which I participated. The competition involved planning and designing a home-made potato launcher to a deadline and a tight budget. I thoroughly enjoyed the experience and am already working on my next design! This still lacks the link to the degree. A lot of the discussion so far is too implicit about why it is relevant and why it is being mentioned. Also, it’s generally best to avoid exclamation marks altogether in PSs

During 2005, I was part of a four-person team working on a project on the EESW scheme run by the Royal Academy of Engineering. The project was an exciting task set by Corus at Trostre Tinplate Works. It’s not important who set it, just say ‘I was part of a four-person team working on a project on the EESW scheme to design…’ for example. We were asked to design and build a solution to the problem of split edges in the cold rolling line. Our solution was effective and economical, and if adopted by Corus, could save the company thousands of pounds per hour, as the line would no longer need to be stopped in order to carry out emergency repairs. Rather than discuss it in this way, talk about the engineering theories/principles etc. that were used and why it was enjoyable. Also, a discussion of transferable skills would be beneficial. We designed and built a prototype solution, and a mock-up of Trostre's SCADA system to demonstrate the solution's potential. Our project received a prize for 'Most effective use of IT' at the Welsh National Convention of Excellence in Engineering. The applicant needs to add something about what they gained from the project.

Before starting my degree course, I intend to enrol on the YinI scheme, which should give me an in-depth experience of commercial engineering work, and help ground my subsequent studies. Good justification here, perhaps comment on how a year in industry will allow you to view your degree from a more business orientated perspective.

In my spare time, I enjoy computing, and am fluent with several operating systems and specific software packages. I have attended part-time courses in programming, graphics, CAD and Programmable Controllers for my own interest. So what? Why is this relevant? It needs to be discussed how this can be applied to an engineering degree. These paragraphs can be merged together. Another important interest for me is linguistics, and I intend to continue my study of French to the highest level as well as beginning to learn other languages alongside engineering. Ok, but how is this relevant?

These two paragraphs show some of your personal interests, but may be better if you could include a few more if you have any. Also remember ‘The strongest applicants are those who can link their extra-curricular activities to their proposed course of study’ (from UCAS website).

For me, studying at this university would be as much about the experience as the qualification. Admissions tutors won’t care about what experiences the applicant will gain outside of studies, so this is irrelevant. I believe that engineering Engineering is a huge subject area, you need to specify that it is mechanical engineering you are interested in, and why this is the case) is a discipline that will offer me a chance to make a tangible difference in the world, and I am certain I will enjoy the opportunity to fully reach this potential. Good finish!