Personal Statement:Medicine 1

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Medicine Personal Statement

From an early age I have been fascinated by the workings of life. The human body is a remarkable machine with many diverse systems producing an organism that could never be artificially reproduced. My love of science is just one of my reasons for choosing medicine. I enjoy a challenge particularly towards a rewarding objective and although medicine is a tough career it can be enormously gratifying, highlighted by the doctors I have spoken to during my experience and on a personal level.

To further my insight into the medical field I participated in a work shadowing week at a GP surgery. I gained a valuable understanding of the workings of the surgery, with opportunities to observe and speak to the doctors regarding a medical career. I arranged another placement week myself at a local hospital, which was a superb opportunity to observe medicine from another point of view. I observed the ward rounds, an MRI scan, a skin biopsy and an endosocpy clinic all which I found interesting. I spent the most time with the haematology team, responsible for patients with diseases such as Chronic Myelogenous Leukaemia (CML), haematology being one of my interests it was captivating that I could see the specialty from a more complex side than the AS biology course. For example I was able to understand how the level of platelets affects blood clotting. Throughout the week I expanded my confidence and communication skills through speaking to patients and doctors. Although I enjoyed the week it was at times extremely heart-rending, I was able to get close to many of the terminally ill patients helping and caring for them where I could, getting them tea or just talking and empathising with them to build their spirits. I volunteered at a local home for the elderly which was very rewarding as I built my caring skills, helping residents by making them tea or playing cards with them. At school I took part in a paired reading scheme for 6 months where I was able to help young children to read, speaking and listening to them to help their English. All my experience has made me more determined to accomplish my ambition to be a doctor.

My love of science and aspiration for a medical career is reflected in my A-Level choices where good time management, self motivated study skills and ability to cope with stress and pressure are essential. Biology and chemistry have helped me further my interest and develop my analytical skills, maths helps my problem solving skills helping me to work logically and ICT gives me a valuable insight into the rapidly developing technological world where computers are crucial. I believe all the qualities I have developed through my courses are essential for any good doctor. I have participated in the Duke of Edinburgh award scheme which enabled me to achieve a first aid certificate including cardiopulmonary resuscitation training. I also enhanced my inter-personal, communication and team building abilities, valuable skills for any medical occupation, as I witnessed during my experience. For 2 years I have volunteered at a local vet hospital observing and helping out 2 hours per week communicating with the public in a different environment. I enjoy reading, mainly factual books to expand my general knowledge. To relax, I enjoy sports including football, and cricket for which I was captain of the school team and my local team for the past 3 years improving my leadership skills. I also recently rekindled my childhood passion for golf, another pastime I enjoy even if it is a little expensive!

I am a self motivated, determined individual and I look forward to the social and academic challenges of university. I am aware of the demands of a medical career but my commitment and desire to become a doctor has only been strengthened through my experience and work in a voluntary capacity.

Universities Applied To:

• Manchester University (Medicine) - Offer AAB
• Liverpool University (Medicine) - Offer AAB
• Leeds University (Medicine) - Offer AB
• Leicester University (Medicine) - Offer AAB
• Durham University (Cell Biology) - Offer BBB (no interview)
• Newcastle University (Biomedical Sciences) - Offer BBB (no interview)

Grades Achieved:

My grades were as follows:

• GCSE: 3A*s 4As 3Bs.
• AS Level: AABB, later upgraded to AAAB.
• Predicted Grades: AAAA.
• A2 Level: AAAA.

Comments

General Comments:

Ali: Absolutely wonderful writing... Well done!

- A*: Very concise and holds the reader's attention from start to finish. Excellent writing and structure too.

iris: nice

Comments on the Statement:

From an early age I have been fascinated by the workings of life. The first four words of this personal statement represent the ultimate cliché. The chances of the applicant really being interested in the workings of life from an early age are very slim. The fact they've been interested for longer doesn't mean they'll be a better doctor The human body is a remarkable machine with many diverse systems producing an organism that could never be artificially reproduced. Again, another line that I see coming up in statements again and again. I think this love of it could be stated with somewhat more of a personal angle, to set the applicant apart from others. My love of science is just one of my reasons for choosing medicine. I enjoy a challenge, particularly towards a rewarding objective, as although medicine is a tough career it can be enormously gratifying, highlighted by the doctors I have spoken to during my work experience and on a personal level. This feels more suited to the conclusion - the applicant has drawn conclusions from their work experience before we've even seen the evidence. As an introduction, it has a promising start, but it needs more work to stand out and be unique.

To further my insight into the medical field I participated in a work shadowing week at a GP surgery. I gained a valuable understanding of the workings of the surgery, with opportunities to observe and speak to the doctors regarding a medical career. It's more important I think, that they learn to understand the complex interactions between doctor and patient, what this means to them about becoming a doctor, and how it will affect them during their professional working lives. I arranged another placement week myself Here, the applicant has implied that they didn't organise for themselves the work experience previous to this statement, it would be better to put this work experience first, thereby implying all subsequent work experience was also organised by themselves. at a local hospital, which was a superb opportunity to observe medicine from another point of view. What is this other point of view? I would assume it was from a non-surgical perspective I observed the ward rounds, an MRI scan, a skin biopsy and an endoscopy clinic all of which I found interesting. We assume that the applicant found it interesting - otherwise, why did they apply? Nothing is more boring in a personal statement than a list. It's not about the procedures you saw, it's about what you learned from the patients and what you learned about actually, truly being a doctor - the deaths and the hours on your feet and the hunger from being unable to just stop for a second to eat properly. It's important to show an understanding of the downsides of being a doctor. I spent the most time with the haematology team, responsible for patients with diseases such as Chronic Myelogenous Leukaemia (CML) There's really no need to abbreviate a condition if the applicant is never going to use it again in the same piece of writing, haematology Being one of my interests, it was captivating that I could see the speciality from a more complex side than the AS biology course. Captivating is one of those words you see again and again in statements, and you start to cringe when you see it. It doesn't really mean anything. Anyone can say something is captivating, but it's a lot lot more believable if they actually show they find it captivating, and avoid using the word altogether if they can help it For example I was able to understand how the level of platelets affects blood clotting. It's not entirely clear what they really mean here. This would be the sort of thing an interviewer would pick up on, so if specifying a particular interest in your statement, make sure you can answer questions on it. Throughout the week I expanded my confidence and communication skills through speaking to patients and doctors. Can you really expand your confidence? It sounds awkward. What did they speak to the doctors and patients about? How did this improve their confidence and communication skills? They could have been talking about anything! The applicant really needs to provide more detail. Although I enjoyed the week, it was at times extremely heart-rending; I was able to get close to many of the terminally ill patients, helping and caring for them where I could, getting them tea or just talking and empathising with them to build their spirits. It goes from heart-rending to getting tea. What's so heart-rending about getting tea? This area of the statement needs better cohesion. They really need more detail about why it was heart-rending too, although this is a good attempt to show the negative aspects of being a doctor. I volunteered at a local home for the elderly which was very rewarding as I helped build my caring skills by making tea for the residents or playing cards with them The sentence is slightly ambiguous - did they build their caring skills by helping residents, or did they build their caring skills and help residents?. At school I took part in a paired reading scheme for 6 months where I was able to help young children to read, speaking and listening to them to help and improve their English. Alright, though the applicant's missed a prime chance to say why this is helpful to them wanting to become a doctor All my experience has made me more determined to accomplish my ambition to be a doctor. Yes, but how? It's right to try and summarize all of these experiences but thought needs to be put into how best to do this.

My love of science and aspiration for a medical career is reflected in my A-Level choices where good time management, self motivated study skills and ability to cope with stress and pressure are essential. Biology and chemistry have helped me further my interest and develop my analytical skills But how, and what does this really mean?, while maths develops my problem solving skills, helping me to work logically Do good problem solving skills automatically equal good logical ability? I would reword it so that the one isn't a result of the other and ICT gives me a valuable insight into the rapidly developing technological world where computers are crucial. Every character is essential in trying to get a place and so must all be fairly relevant and application-enhancing. IT probably isn't that important I believe all the qualities I have developed through my courses are essential for any good doctor.

I have participated in the Duke of Edinburgh award scheme through which I achieved a first aid certificate Odd wording, as if the applicant were unable to get a first aid certificate unless doing DoE. including cardiopulmonary resuscitation training. Isn't cardiopulmonary resuscitation training the cornerstone of first aid? Would anyone not teach this? I also enhanced my inter-personal, communication and team building abilities, valuable skills for any medical occupation, as I witnessed during my work experience. Examples are essential, because anyone can say that they've enhanced this or that skill, it needs to be believable. Second half is work experience, I assume, but this isn't clear. I'd just get rid of that part as the link seems strained For two years I have volunteered at a local vet There's no reason why this shouldn't be here, as long as the applicant can tell us what they've learned - but they haven't. They've just tacked it on there in the middle of a list of what else they do and so some of its value is lost hospital observing and helping out 2 hours per week communicating with the public in a different environment. I enjoy reading mainly factual books to expand my general knowledge. There are more interesting and relevant outside interests that the applicant has to offer here. To relax I enjoy sports including football and cricket, for which I was captain of the school team and my local team for the past three years, improving my leadership skills. Yes, but how? Was there some dispute that only the captain could resolve? Did the captain need to rally the team when they were losing? Did the captain have to organise practice and make sure everyone went? The applicant really needs to provide examples rather than just stating things I also recently rekindled my childhood passion for golf, another pastime I enjoy even if it is a little expensive! This doesn't really add anything by itself

I am a self motivated, determined individual and I look forward to the social I would stay away from words like that in a personal statement, since it can present connotations of being a party animal. This might be true but perhaps not something the applicant wishes to advertise in a personal statement. and academic challenges of university. I am aware of the demands of a medical career but my commitment and desire to become a doctor has only been strengthened through my experience and work in a voluntary capacity. This provides a good and succinct summary of both what the applicant has to offer and their interest in studying medicine.