Personal Statement:Medicine 2

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Medicine Personal Statement

As medicine is a scientifically based career, that involves interpersonal skills and caring for people, I feel that this is the best career path for me. This decision was finalised at the medlink course in Nottingham University. There I was able to converse with students and doctors. Collectively their personal accounts and lectures gave me the information to confirm my wish to become a doctor. What particularly interests me in medicine, is the aspect of using my knowledge and skills to diagnose different problems, discover the various causes and make the right prognosis for each individual case, on a daily basis

With the objective of gaining more of an idea of what to expect as a doctor, I spent time in a local surgery for my work experience where I was able to observe the Baby Clinic and a postnatal consultation. I also took the opportunity to ask the doctors about their careers

Recently I volunteered at a Special Needs Project for young people

The demanding needs of the young people made it arduous work, hence exposing me to a daily routine of working with different types of people in a caring environment. Nevertheless, it was a pleasure to spend time there and it was very satisfying to see the young people enjoying themselves, doing activities that would not usually be available to them. I plan to volunteer at the project again next year

A level Biology and Chemistry have furthered my scientific interest and understanding; meanwhile Maths has enabled me to think more logically, which will be beneficial in a medical career. In my profession, I want to be able to communicate with as many people as possible, so I chose to learn Spanish since it is an increasingly popular language used worldwide

Activities such as, performing in school plays and singing in the choir, have kept me involved in school life. I especially enjoyed performing in the Royal Albert Hall with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Leadership roles, such as form captain and school council representative, have increased my self-confidence

The Duke of Edinburgh Award has taken up much of my out of school time for the past three years. In order to achieve my Bronze and Silver Award I have completed a First Aid Course, endured weekly sessions of aerobics, worked voluntarily in Oxfam and had keyboard/piano lessons

Until March this year, I was heavily involved in the Young Enterprise Scheme where I played the role of deputy personnel director. My job entailed taking the register and writing reports and letters to the staff. I was the creator of our best selling product, which was pot plants in recycled glass jars and tins. Each of these commitments have enriched my life in many different ways, shaping me into a well-rounded person

Due to my great passion of music, I am looking forward to getting involved in musical activities at university to expand my interest, improve my keyboard and piano playing and broaden my social life

Being a keen hiker, I am also very eager to traverse the university's surrounding territories

To be given the opportunity to read medicine, will not only fulfil my ambitions, but also allow me to be a credit to the medical institution. I am a dedicated learner and I have the ability to listen diligently to people. I believe there is a severe lack of black female doctors and I will endeavour to be part of the improvement of this situation and be an asset to my community.

Comments

General Comments:

This statement seems a bit shorter than would be expected for UCAS and in general, the paragraphs are far too short and need full stops at the end of each. The applicant has mentioned quite a lot of good things but hasn't gone into enough depth or reflected enough about anything. In particular, where they are talking about work experience, they haven't shown any real understanding about what the role of a doctor is and the sorts of skills doctors need.

The statement is structured quite well, with sections for each of the important elements, however, the balance of each section isn't quite right. The applicant should have spent more time talking about their work experience and volunteering work and less about their extra-curricular activities – with 2/3 directly relevant to medicine. They need to relate a lot more of what they say back to medicine as well.

--Hygeia 19:51, 5 April 2009 (BST)

Comments on the Statement:

As medicine is a scientifically based career, that involves interpersonal skills and caring for people, I feel that this is the best career path for me. The applicant needs to explain exactly why they think this makes it the best career path for them. This decision was finalised at the Medlink course in Nottingham University. There I was able to converse with students and doctors. Collectively their personal accounts and lectures gave me the information to confirm my wish to become a doctor. I tend to advise people against mentioning Medlink in their personal statement, particularly in the introduction. In this case, I would be even more loathe to include it as the applicant is talking about it confirming their decision to study medicine, where work experience would be a far better way. What particularly interests me in about medicine, is the aspect of using my knowledge and skills to diagnose different problems, discover the various causes and make the right prognosis for each individual case, on a daily basis. This sentence covers some of the roles of the doctor, however, the applicant hasn't explained exactly why these aspects appeal to them. I would also be cautious with the phrasing 'make the right prognosis' – it would be better to talk about management of the conditions here rather than prognosis, which is a lot harder to make. This introduction needs more in depth discussion into why the applicant wants to study medicine and become a doctor – they've made some good points but I don't feel they've explained them enough.

With the objective of gaining more of an idea of what to expect as a doctor, I don't like this phrasing at all – there are no guarantees that the applicant will become a doctor so a better phrasing could be: 'In order to discover more about the role of the doctor' or 'With the objective of gaining more of an idea of what a doctor does.' In general, I find this particular introduction to a work experience paragraph is unnecessary as admissions tutors know why medicine applicants do work experience!I spent time in a local surgery (GP?) for my work experience where I was able to observe the Baby Clinic and a postnatal consultation. I also took the opportunity to ask the doctors about their careers. Two sentences does not make a paragraph... especially not when it comes to work experience where the applicant should reflect on what they learnt from the experience. Rather than just saying what they saw, it would be useful for the applicant to talk about what the doctor did, any skills they observed were necessary for the doctor to do his job and any stresses they saw were involved in medicine. In this case, it might have been a good idea to discuss the role of the multi-disciplinary team in antenatal care (and medicine in general).

Recently I volunteered at a Special Needs Project for young people. This sentence doesn't feel complete and having it as a paragraph on it's own doesn't work!

The demanding needs of the young people made it arduous work, hence exposing me to a daily routine of working with different types of people in a caring environment. The applicant needs to relate this back to medicine – talking about what doctors do each day would be a good link to add in here. Nevertheless, it was a pleasure to spend time there and it was very satisfying to see the young people enjoying themselves, doing activities that would not usually be available to them. I plan to volunteer at the project again next year. The applicant needs to talk about anything they learnt from this experience. Working with people can help develop communication skills which are vital for medicine and would be a good thing to refer to here as well as their importance. The applicant should also have thought about any other skills they developed through this voluntary work that might be useful for a doctor. Another thing the applicant could have done here is to talk a bit about their role during the voluntary work – what was it they actually did?

A level biology and chemistry have furthered my scientific interest and understanding; meanwhile maths has enabled me to think more logically, which will be beneficial in a medical career. In my profession, I want to be able to communicate with as many people as possible, so I chose to learn Spanish since it is an increasingly popular language used worldwide. The fact that the applicant tries to relate their subjects back to medicine is a good thing. However, the comments are rather generic, and tell you very little about the applicant themselves. They might benefit from talking about a particular topic they've enjoyed and why, or something they look forward to learning more about at medical school.

Activities such as, performing in school plays and singing in the choir, have kept me involved in school life. I especially enjoyed performing in the Royal Albert Hall with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra. Leadership roles, such as form captain and school council representative, have increased my self-confidence. Mentioning leadership is very good here, though they haven't talked about why leadership skills are important for doctors. Where they talk about school plays and singing and performing, it's too much of a list and needs more description or relating back to medicine.

The Duke of Edinburgh Award has taken up much of my out of school time for the past three years. In order to achieve my Bronze and Silver Award I have completed a First Aid Course, endured the word 'endured' is probably not the best to use in this situation as it sounds like they were forced to do it which has negative connotations, as though they're only doing the D of E because they have to, almost! weekly sessions of aerobics, worked voluntarily in Oxfam and had keyboard/piano one or the other here lessons. Again this paragraph doesn't have enough reflection on what the applicant learnt from their experiences and any skills they gained from them. Where they talk about their first aid course, they could discuss the skills they learnt. Similarly, volunteering in Oxfam would give the applicant an opportunity to communicate with members of the public which is an important skill for medicine.

Until March this year, I was heavily involved in the Young Enterprise Scheme where I played the role of deputy personnel director. My job entailed taking the register and writing reports and letters to the staff. I was the creator of our best selling product, which was pot plants in recycled glass jars and tins. This would have been a good point to discuss the applicants team working skills as young enterprise is a very team oriented activity. Each of these commitments have enriched my life in many different ways, shaping me into a well-rounded person. I don't like this sentence as it isn't really necessary provided the applicant were to expand on the specific things they learnt doing each activity.

Due to my great passion of music, I am looking forward to getting involved in musical activities at university to expand my interest, improve my keyboard and piano playing and broaden my social life. The word 'passion' is one to avoid as it is hugely overused. The other issue I have with this sentence is that it really isn't necessary again. They've mentioned the music side of things already and there's no point in repeating it here.

Being a keen hiker, I am also very eager to traverse the university's surrounding territories. A single sentence does not make a paragraph... I don't think this sentence is very helpful either – the use of the phrase 'the university' implies that the applicant is only applying to one place, where the majority of people apply to 4. Instead of referring to hiking at university, the applicant could have talked about why they like hiking – if they do it for relaxation, then talking about why relaxation is important could be helpful here.

To be given the opportunity to read medicine, would not only fulfil my ambitions, but also allow me to be a credit to the medical institution. This makes the applicant sound slightly arrogant, as though they have a very high opinion of themself! I am a dedicated learner and I have the ability to listen diligently to people. I believe there is a severe lack of black female doctors and I will endeavour to be part of the improvement of this situation and be an asset to my community. I don't like this conclusion at all. The reference to 'black female doctors' seems almost a case of the applicant trying to influence the admissions tutors decision based on race, which should be irrelevant to deciding on who to interview/offer a place.

--Hygeia 19:51, 5 April 2009 (BST)