Personal Statement:Medicine 47

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Medicine Personal Statement

My interest in the human body awoke from a passion of mine very dear to me which is paleontology and the study of evolution. As Homo sapiens underwent a series of evolutionary changes, so did my interest in biology. With the passing of years and the study of anatomy during my school years I eventually saw that, as far as the constant struggle for perfection goes, evolution is at its most complex in the form of the human body.

Nevertheless, my decision to study the human body and, consequently, become a doctor emerged from a personal medical issue that has always intrigued and fascinated me: sleep paralysis. Some of the books and documentaries I had access to really opened my eyes to the wonders and complexities of the brain and how it controls the body. I truly believe that we, as humans, have so much more to learn from our own brain and that the possibilities are indeed countless.

During my summer holiday I decided to experience first-hand what it is like to be a doctor working with a different kind of patients. So this led me to the psychiatric wing of the local hospital where I was allowed to shadow the nurse. Working with patients was what I enjoyed most and it was fascinating to see that, with little effort, you could brighten up the patients.

Moreover, the following days were more than rewarding for me as I got to talk to the patients and learnt one of the first crucial qualities a doctor must possess: patience.

Furthermore, one of my hobbies, speleology, has allowed me to take part in some very remarkable expeditions. Nevertheless, none has been as rewarding as the one where I was allowed to take part in the cave rescue team. The scenario was simple: a fellow speleologist had broken his leg and he was in urgent need of medical attention. The paramedic, also an esteemed speleologist, was the first to get to the victim and, remarkably, he did not show any signs of stress or panic. I quickly realized that in such painstaking situations one must keep his calm at all times especially if one is holding the patient’s life in his bare hands. His actions showed remarkable calm so we all soon relaxed and knew that the job of giving the victim first aid would be done with professionalism and in a short amount of time.

One of the most interesting camps I have taken part in during my time as a Red Cross volunteer is an International Red Cross Camp which I attended a few years ago in Switzerland. Besides being fun and entertaining, it helped me to learn some quite useful things about dealing with situations such as car accidents and other severe injuries. Although the technical part was more than useful, what really captivated me was not what was done there but how it was done. Most of the games and activities we did involved team work and I must say that I was surprised to see how well each of us played his part.

Since being admitted to my local high-school, I have been a member of the school’s Mountain Sports Club which has allowed me to discover some truly remarkable places such as magnificent mountains, caves and other entertaining activities. Nevertheless, this club has also been an active part of our community as, each year, it organizes activities for underprivileged children and that is the most rewarding part of being a member. Dealing with such children has helped me to gain valuable skills about being part of a team and leading them in the right direction.

As the daughter of an epidemiologist, I have accompanied my mother to work many times while I was quite young. It was because of her that I got to experience how a medical environment felt like. During my spare time I became her personal assistant and she introduced me to all kinds of doctors, nurses and patients throughout my time spent at the local hospital. I was amazed by some of the doctors who spoke with such patience and kindness that I thought they were going to cure them only through the healing power of a simple talk.

Comments

General Comments:

This PS needs a lot of work - the applicant clearly has a fair bit of experience (seemingly gained through their mother) and they don't really utilise it properly at all. The should to be linking all of their experience to medicine and discussing the role of the doctor (positives and negatives) and showing they understand what it is actually like and how a doctor fits into the whole NHS framework. They need to show that their experience has developed their interest in medicine and they also need to include academic content to show they're also aware of the high academic demands of studying medicine. I'd expect at least some reference to their studies and/or things they've read. Instead, the applicant shows interest in other areas in the intro and throughout the PS; while it’s fine to have other interests, they should appear secondary to medicine in the PS! The applicant’s way of wording is also rather verbose and could easily be shortened.

Comments on the statement:

My interest in the human body awoke from a passion overused word in PSs of mine very dear to me, which is palaeontology and the study of evolution. As Homo sapiens underwent a series of evolutionary changes, so did my interest in biology. With the passing of years and the study of anatomy during my school years I eventually saw that, as far as the constant struggle for perfection goes, evolution is at its most complex in the form of the human body. This whole intro seems like the applicant is trying too hard to be original, and consequently it doesn’t show an interest in medicine or being a doctor; in fact it doesn’t mention either of those words at all! Instead, it could well make the admissions tutors wonder why the applicant isn’t applying for biology, history or even archaeology. ‘Evolution’ doesn’t have a natural progression to having an interest in medicine.

Nevertheless, my decision to study the human body and consequently become a doctor emerged from a personal medical issue that has always intrigued and fascinated another overused word in PSs me: sleep paralysis. Some of the books and documentaries I had access to really opened my eyes the phrase ‘opened my eyes’ is too informal for a PS to the wonders and complexities of the brain and how it controls the body. I truly believe that we, as humans, have so much more to learn from our own brain and that the possibilities are indeed countless. This interest in the brain could make the applicant more suited to a neuroscience degree – there is no explanation as to how this led the interest in medicine. Understanding the brain is very different to treating it and other illnesses/disorders. The most important question to answer is ‘why?’, which this paragraph doesn’t answer at present.

During my summer holiday it’s not important when it was, so this isn’t needed I decided to experience first-hand what it is like to be a doctor working with different kinds of patients. This led you shouldn’t start a sentence with ‘so’, as it’s a conjunction me to the psychiatric wing of the local hospital, where I was allowed to shadow the nurse. This is a very long winded way of saying "I shadowed a psychiatric nurse" and also odd given they mention different kinds of patients and only mention one Working with patients was what I enjoyed most and it was fascinating to see that, with little effort, you could brighten up the patients. This last bit doesn’t quite make sense grammatically

The applicant needs to discuss their work experience in much more depth - what did they do there, what did they notice about the differences from the nurses job to the doctors; how the experience was for the patients and how the doctors supported them; and how did they see the partnership of the entire NHS teams together, as there are so many different groups of people (nurse, doctor, different therapists etc.) who will work with one patient.... and how did this enhance their desire to study medicine? All they've said in this paragraph is "I went to a psych ward and chatted to some patients".

Moreover, the following days were more than rewarding for me as I got to talk to the patients and learnt one of the first crucial qualities a doctor must possess: patience. This doesn’t work as a paragraph on its own; it should be merged with the one above. It would also need to be expanded on, by explaining WHY a doctor needs patience.

Furthermore, this doesn’t really work, as it’s not related to the previous paragraphs at all one of my hobbies, speleology, has allowed me to take part in some very remarkable expeditions. Nevertheless, none have been as rewarding as the one where I was allowed this last bit sounds quite passive; it would sound better being "the one where I took part in a", for example to take part in the cave rescue team. The scenario was simple: a fellow speleologist had broken his leg and he was in urgent need of medical attention. The paramedic, also an esteemed speleologist, was the first to get to the victim patient/casualty, not victim! and, remarkably, he did not show any signs of stress or panic. I quickly realised British spelling! that in such painstaking situations, one must keep his calm at all times, especially if one is holding the patient’s life in his bare hands. This last bit is too informal His actions showed remarkable calm so we all soon relaxed and knew that the job of giving the victim first aid would be done with professionalism and in a short amount of time. This paragraph is written in a far too narrative story tale fashion which wastes words - the applicant needs to also show that they can relate this to medicine as a paramedic is not a doctor. This is a good use of personal experience though and could be related to skills needed to be a doctor.

One of the most interesting camps I have taken part in during my time as a Red Cross volunteer is an International Red Cross Camp, which I attended a few years ago in Switzerland. This sentence is unnecessarily wordy; it could be rewritten to ‘As a Red Cross volunteer I have attended an international camp in Switzerland’ for example. Besides being fun and entertaining, it helped me to learn some quite no point in down-playing it, just say ‘useful’ as it sounds better useful things about dealing with situations such as car accidents and other severe injuries. Although the technical part was more than useful, what really captivated me was not what was done there, but how it was done. Just talk about the things which are relevant and useful - don't say things which aren't Most of the games and activities we did involved team work and I must say that I was surprised to see how well each of us played his part. This sentence just seems a long winded way of saying "I am a good team worker". If the applicant is keeping this experience in the PS they again need to relate it to medicine in a concrete manner - how was the practice here different to what they've seen in hospitals in the UK, for example? How was it similar? How were the emergency teams responding?

Since being admitted to my local high-school, They can cut this and just say "I am a member of my school MSC" for example I have been a member of the school’s Mountain Sports Club, which has allowed me to discover some truly remarkable places, such as magnificent mountains, caves and other entertaining activities. this can be made a lot less long winded Nevertheless, this club has also been an active part of our community as, each year, it organises activities for underprivileged children This sounds like trying to advertise the club, instead the applicant could reword this to ‘The club organises activities…’ for example and that is the most rewarding part of being a member. Dealing with such children has helped me to gain valuable skills about being part of a team and leading them in the right direction. Again, the applicant could relate this experience to how it’s made them suitable to medicine (without repeating ones in any previous paragraphs, as it only needs to be mentioned once)

As the daughter of an epidemiologist, I have accompanied my mother to work many times while I was quite young. It was because of her that I got to experience how a medical environment felt like. During my spare time I became her personal assistant and she introduced me to all kinds of doctors, nurses and patients throughout my time spent at the local hospital. I was amazed by some of the doctors who spoke with such patience and kindness that I thought they were going to cure them only through the healing power of a simple talk. The applicant doesn't get an awful lot from this paragraph - all they say is my mum has some good connections, it doesn't say "I want to do medicine so much that I arrange my own work experience" and the healing power of simple talk doesn't quite make them seem like they understand the demanding role of a doctor! It also doesn’t work as a conclusion – that shouldn’t bring in any new information and should sum up why they want to study medicine and why they are a good candidate.