Personal Statement:Multimedia Design 1

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Multimedia Design Personal Statement

After my work experience at Blitz The Net, a web site design company, I found I had a great interest in web site design and multimedia design. I started to enjoy going to work and not seeing it as a chore

It seemed only natural to choose a degree which interested me. After I completed my own website I realized that web design is the occupation I would like to follow on successful completion of my degree

My work experience taught me a lot about the computer industry especially the processes that are involved in designing and implementing a web site. I also worked as part of the full-time design team and produced work that was used in a final product of a brief from a client

Working part-time on a Saturday in a jewellery shop has taught me many skills. These include teamwork, people skills and patience. I have to deal with the public in my job so it has taught me to be patient and calm in hostile situations. I also have to meet targets and deadlines in my work. These new skills will prove very valuable for my time at university

In school I have received many Headmaster Commendations and high attendance rewards. I have also received a Head of Department Award for graphic design. I have participated in the school's sponsored walk, which raised money for a local disabled charity. I found this very enjoyable and it was helping people as well

Outside of school I enjoy reading non-fiction books, especially those based on true stories. I prefer to read computing magazines as I like to keep up to date with new technology. I also enjoy listening to music especially rap and hip-hop

My real love is computers and the Internet. I enjoy working and playing on computers. I like to keep informed about what is happening in the computer industry and the game industry

I also enjoy traveling the world and seeing the mix of cultures. I enjoy experiencing different ways of life and trying not to be a tourist. By this I mean I like to try to speak the local language and observe their traditions. I think this gives me a better experience of the countries I visit and it also broadens my mnd to different environments and paces of life

The major sport I enjoy is skiing. I have represented Tower Hamlets borough in the London youth games at skiing, which was a valuable team-building exercise. We missed the semi-final by only one point

Although we didn't win the experience was brilliant. Golf and Fishing are two sports that I have started to participate in since they help me to relax. I also workout at the gym and enjoy jogging around my local park with my father. Although I play rarely, I also enjoy playing football. Playing these sports has taught me to persevere with things even if I find them hard to do as well as giving me the drive to do things

My work experience in industry makes me feel that I am suited to a web design/ multimedia design degree. I feel I can cope with the workload of university, living away from home and being able to discipline myself. I am also ready for the challenge of a life-changing experience like living in a different region, meeting new people and reaching my aim of a career in web/multimedia design.

Comments

General Comments:

Unfortunately this is quite a poor statement. Structurally it has far too many paragraphs and a target of 5-6ish including the brief introduction and conclusion is about right. There is far too much focus on irrelevant extra-curricular activities; at most these should make up a single paragraph towards the end of a statement and preferably they should be pro-active and made relevant through a discussion of skills.

Throughout the statement, the language and sentence structure is quite basic and lacking detail "I do this, I enjoy this". It lacks flair, precision and focus to show that they understand why they're writing the statement. Essentially they're missing the point that this is about showing that you're a) interested in the subject through explicit examples and b) have the necessary skills to do well on the course, again through explicit examples. Things like reading about computer technology could be important discussion topics, as could work experience.

Comments on the statement:

After my work experience at Blitz The Net, a web site design company, I found I had a great interest in web site design and multimedia design. This could do with some rephrasing; the applicant needs to make sure they don't repeat "design" and avoid the "great interest" cliché if possible! It's a bit bland for an introduction and doesn't really show a strong interest. It may help to include a more indepth discussion of why they have an interest in multimedia design. I started to enjoy going to work and not seeing it as a chore. Best to rephrase this or leave it out, it reflects very negatively on the applicant and does not create a good impression.

It seemed only natural to choose a degree which interested me. This is obvious, so it doesn't need to be said After I completed my own website I realized that web design is the career path I would like to follow on successful completion of my degree.

My work experience taught me a lot about the computer industry especially the processes that are involved in designing and implementing a web site. A bit vague, particularly when the applicant goes on to describe the things they learnt, which relate only to web design. They should expand on these, or be more specific by saying 'the design industry' instead. I also worked as part of the full-time design team and produced work that was used in a final product of a brief from a client. It would be better to be specific about what they produced and what they learnt from it

Working part-time on a Saturday in a jewellery shop has taught me many skills. These include teamwork, people skills and patience. I have to deal with the public in my job so it has taught me to be patient and calm in hostile situations. "hostile" sounds a bit extreme! Substitute "hostile" for something else. I also have to meet targets and deadlines in my work. These new skills will prove very valuable for my time at university. It is good to mention skills learned from experiences, but the applicant should try relating these things to their course, as opposed to the university experience in general. How will the skills they have gained help them?

In school I have received many Headmaster Commendations and high attendance rewards. I have also received a Head of Department Award for graphic design. I have participated in the school's sponsored walk, which raised money for a local disabled charity. I found this very enjoyable and it was helping people as well! Awkwardly phrased, this end bit should be rewritten. There is a wider question here as to what relevance some of these things have and they may be more appropriate in the reference. Headteacher Commendations are all well and good, but so what? How does it make the applicant better at web design? If it is to be included then this needs to be discussed.

Outside of school I enjoy reading non-fiction books, especially those based on true stories. I prefer to read computing magazines as I like to keep up to date with new technology. I also enjoy listening to music, especially rap and hip-hop. Again not really a relevant sentence from the applicant. These extra curriculars are not "exciting" as they are not pro-active and generally you don't need to put these types of activities in, they are just assumed as something that everyone does. Better to discuss things that require active involvement and can be discussed in the context of skills.

My real love is computers and the Internet. I enjoy working and playing on computers. I like to keep informed about what is happening in the computer industry and the game industry Avoid repetition of "industry". How do they keep informed about what is going on? What have they read? What has interested them about the industry? There is quite a lot of discussion to be had here that will enhance the application and demonstrate their interest in the subject.

I also enjoy traveling the world and seeing a mix of cultures. I enjoy experiencing different ways of life. and trying not to be a tourist. By this I mean I like to try to speak the local language and observe their traditions. I think this gives me a better experience of the countries I visit and it also broadens my mind to different environments and paces of life. How are their comments relevant to the application? This paragraph is not really needed and could be removed as it doesn't add anything of relevance.

The major sport I enjoy is skiing. I have represented Tower Hamlets borough in the London youth games at skiing, which was a valuable team-building exercise. We missed the semi-final by only one point An impressive achievement, and worth including. The last bit doesn't mean anything in this context, however, and should be taken out. Instead how will this team building help them? They should show that they appreciate the importance of team work in both a degree and the real world.

Although we didn't win the experience was brilliant. If included this should be in the previous paragraph and it is not a paragraph since it does not make sense by itself. Any paragraph should make sense in isolation and be a separate entity from other paragraphs. Here this sentence is not relevant and wastes space, so it should be removed.

Golf and fishing are two sports that I have started to participate in since they help me to relax. I also work out at the gym and enjoy jogging around my local park with my father. Although I play rarely, I also enjoy playing football. Playing these sports has taught me to persevere, with things even if I find them hard, to do as well as giving me the drive to do things. Don't repeat the word "things". Avoid using "things" at all as it is too vague and doesn't show a good control of language or precision.

My work experience in industry makes me feel that I am suited to a web design/ multimedia design slashes are informal and look messy, so best to plump for one or the other. Don't make it obvious that you're applying for multiple degree subjects if you can help it as it doesn't show commitment to any one subject. degree. but how? Explaining this is critical to the personal statement. I feel I can cope with the workload of university, living away from home and being able to discipline myself. I am also ready for the challenge of a life-changing experience like living in a different region, meeting new people and reaching my aim of a career in web/multimedia design. The ending could be phrased better, but reminding the admissions tutor that the applicant wants to progress in the field is a good way to finish. However, living in different regions and life changing experiences is irrelevant, an admissions tutor does not care about these things and the conclusion should emphasise interest and aptitude in the subject being applied for.