Personal Statement:Social and Political Sciences

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Social and Political Sciences Personal Statement

In 2003 I completed my HIGCSEs in Pretoria; the city I lived in for 12 years of my life. I had dreamt of studying in Britain since childhood; this motivated me to gain international qualifications through home study, which in turn helped me to develop my own study style and ethic. So in 2004 I left home and moved to Andover, Hampshire where I took A levels in English Literature, Biology and Chemistry to add to the English, History, Economics and Biology qualifications I'd attained in SA. I currently work to support myself, and lodge with a family from my church.

Reading about history, economics and sociology has opened the world for me, and strengthened my interest in development on an international level. This interest originates in my experience of growing up in an emerging economy with many third world characteristics. Studying macroeconomics gave me insight into a new dimension of factors that affect nations, and helped me to further understand how countries impact eachother. Reading modern world history gave me insight into how today's governmental structures and ideologies evolved. Fitting these puzzle pieces together has been very exciting to me. I studied A level Biology to further explore practical ways of becoming involved in third world development. I looked at the work of international organisations such as the WHO, and became aware of the need for insight into the local political, sociological and cultural climate before attempting to enforce or apply solutions.

Studying isn't the only thing in life that excites me. I am a very keen rock climber and hiker, climbing twice a week and often embarking on outdoor adventures. I climbed Mt Kilimanjaro in January this year. I hiked up Ben Nevis and then from Fort William down to Glasgow in August. I enjoy travelling and am privileged enough to consistently do so, having visited 21 different countries in my life. I am planning to travel further during my gap year; at the same time I will be acquiring further work experience. This year I hope to take a part-time access course in A level History. I've loved reading since childhood. I read fantasy, adventure, classics, and non-fiction. I enjoy Jane Austen, Sophie's World' by Jostein Gaarder and 'Gods, Graves and Scholars; The Story of Archaeology' by C.W.Ceram. I have a huge appetite for learning and absorbing more. I read articles from 'Time' magazine, 'The National Geographic' and BBC, and I use the internet to read around my areas of interest. Listening to music is essential to me; I listen to classical music and a variety of rock continuously. I enjoy art and drama. I speak Afrikaans and French. I enjoy critical and analytical writing. I like cooking. I am a passionate Christian, very much involved in my church community.

I soundly enjoyed my academic studies and have often expressed the desire to be an eternal student. I am highly focused, disciplined and enthusiastic. I am well organised, with life experience to back me up. I have also become adaptable, having moved several times both recently and generally. I am magnetised by challenge. I am logical and analytical. I have an advanced understanding of myself and have emerged as an individual. I sincerely believe that I have an extraordinary drive and commitment to bring to my studies, and that my mature, hungry attitude cannot disappoint you.

Universities Applied to:

• York (Politics) - Unconditional
• Cambridge (Social and Political Sciences) - Unconditional (Firm and Accepted)
• Edinburgh (Geography and Politics) - Withdrew
• Queens University Belfast (Politics) - Withdrew
• Bristol (Politics) - Rejected
• Durham University (Social Sciences) - Withdrew

Grades Achieved:

• HIGCSE English Language - 1
• HIGCSE History - 1
• HIGCSE Economics - 2
• HIGCSE Biology- 2

• GCE A Level English Literature - A
• GCE A Level Biology - A
• GCE A Level Chemistry - C

Comments

General Comments:

Overall this statement has a lot of positives, but with some room for improvement. They've got a couple of really interesting points here and with some expansion, this could be an incredibly interesting and unique PS. There is enough material here to flesh out a good statement, but there is a need to reduce the time spent on extracurriculars and personality slightly in favour of academics. It's important to make sure you justify things in your statement and connect the content together a bit more.

As an international applicant it is not critical to give a history of yourself or to write a list of your qualifications. At most you may wish to include a sentence towards the end of your statement detailing why it is that you wish to study in the UK. Another common mistake of international applicants is to sell themselves too much and without foundation. It needs to be more subtle for a UK application and to be demonstrated by examples of how they have shown these qualities.

Comments on the statement:

In 2003 I completed my HIGCSEs in Pretoria; the city I lived in for 12 years of my life. I had dreamt of studying in Britain since childhood; this motivated me to gain international qualifications through home study, which in turn helped me to develop my own study style and ethic. So in 2004 I left home and moved to Andover, Hampshire where I took A levels in English Literature, Biology and Chemistry to add to the English, History, Economics and Biology qualifications I'd attained in SA. I currently work to support myself, and lodge with a family from my church.

The applicant's academic history should already be on their UCAS form; it is not necessary to put it in a personal statement. It would make for a stronger statement to start with their interest in and reasons for choosing their course(s), as given below. Also note that the semi-colon here is incorrectly used, since the clauses do not make sense in isolation. If you're not sure how to use them, then don't.

Reading about history, economics and sociology has opened up the world for me, and strengthened my interest in international development. the phrasing here was a bit needlessly convoluted and space is important in a PS. I'd also ask the applicant to explain here why it has opened up the world, what do they mean by this? what have they found out/read that's strengthened their interest? A lot of people wouldn't be interested in this, so why are they? It is further discussion such as this that will really demonstrate the interest and passion of the applicant. This interest originates from my experience of growing up in an emerging economy with many third world characteristics. Studying macroeconomics gave me an insight into a new dimension of factors that affect nations, and helped me to further understand how countries impact each other. Reading modern world history gave me insight into how today's governmental structures and ideologies evolved. Note the repetition here, which needs changing. The applicant could here relate it more to their experiences in SA, given they mention it at the start of the paragraph. They also need to be more specific and include information about what they've read (titles, authors) and their own opinions on it. Fitting these puzzle pieces together has been very exciting to me. I studied A level Biology to further explore practical ways of becoming involved in third world development. I looked at the work of international organisations such as the WHO, and became aware of the need for insight into the local political, sociological and cultural climate before attempting to enforce or apply solutions. This paragraph is slightly disjointed and flirting with being a bit of a "list". I would state the connection between an activity they have done, e.g. "looking into the work of international organisations" and their effects on the applicant's outlook/knowledge/understanding more clearly. The way it is written, the last two sentences makes these two things sound almost unrelated. The applicant's reasoning for why they took biology is interesting however and they could expand on this more than they have done.

Studying isn't the only thing in life that excites me. I am a very keen rock climber and hiker, climbing twice a week and often embarking on outdoor adventures. I climbed Mt Kilimanjaro in January this year. I hiked up Ben Nevis and then from Fort William down to Glasgow in August. I enjoy travelling and am privileged enough to consistently do so, having visited 21 different countries in my life. I am planning to travel further during my gap year; at the same time I will be acquiring further work experience. This year I hope to take a part-time access course in A level History. I've loved reading since childhood. I read fantasy, adventure, classics, and non-fiction. I enjoy Jane Austen, "Sophie's World" by Jostein Gaarder and "Gods, Graves and Scholars; The Story of Archaeology" by C.W.Ceram. I have a huge appetite for learning and absorbing more. I read articles from 'Time' magazine, 'The National Geographic' and BBC, and I use the internet to read around my areas of interest. Listening to music is essential to me; I listen to classical music and a variety of rock continuously. I enjoy art and drama. I speak Afrikaans and French. I enjoy critical and analytical writing. I like cooking. I am a passionate Christian, very much involved in my church community.

This reads as essentially one very long list. Obviously the intention is to show that the applicant is a rounded person but

(i) you are spending a very large chunk of your word count on your extracurricular interests here, and I am not sure that is beneficial. Remove the list of books or make it more directly related to your academic interests. Equally I see the point about having visited 21 countries as of little benefit unless related to something else, they need to show what they got out of it or what it demonstrates. For this degree choice and also given what the applicant said before about their life in SA, I think travel could be used in a very beneficial way to the application, but it hasn't been here.

(ii) some of these interests can be made implicit or are a bit empty, for example "I enjoy critical and analytical writing" - one certainly hopes so given the purpose of the application.

The point of an extra-curricular activities paragraph is not to list everything that the applicant does, but to include a few interests to show they're a well rounded individual, and hopefully these will relate to your chosen course. A lot of this can be covered by the sentence "I enjoy the outdoors and travelling" or something along those lines, they don't need to include literally everything. In general, around 30% of the PS should be dedicated to ECs and that's it; this is too much. Although that said, this is far more interesting and better than the "I am a prefect and help with open days at school which enhances my interpersonal skills and in addition I am also working towards my DoE gold which requires motivation, dedication and team work" which is extremely common in personal statements.

I soundly enjoyed my academic studies and have often expressed the desire to be an eternal student. I am highly focused, disciplined and enthusiastic. I am well organised, with life experience to back me up. I have also become adaptable, having moved several times both recently and generally. I am magnetised by challenge. I am logical and analytical. I have an advanced understanding of myself and have emerged as an individual. I sincerely believe that I have an extraordinary drive and commitment to bring to my studies, and that my mature, hungry attitude cannot disappoint you.

Here the applicant simply states qualities that they should have used the content from the previous paragraph to argue that they have. I have deleted sections which don't seem to make much sense or come off as arrogant. The rock climbing and church community involvement demonstrate discipline, organisation and enthusiasm. Adaptability is demonstrated by how well-travelled the applicant is, and so on. These are also the type of thing that the referee can comment on. International applicants in particular often fall into this trap as North Americans in particular are much more used to the whole arrogance approach to sell themselves, whereas in the UK they need to use something subtler and perhaps not say it at all!