Personal Statement:US Admissions Essay

TSR Wiki > University > Applying to University > Personal Statement Library > Personal Statement:US Admissions Essay

Please note: This applicant appears to be applying to a US College.

General Admissions Essay

Title: My Memories of High School

To some people, high school is a fun and growing experience but for me, it was four years that I could have lived without. My memories of high school consist of a few smiles tangled with an abundance of silent solitude and heartbreak. I understand now, three years later that people make their own happiness within themselves. It is all a matter of the right mindset to pave the road to a satisfying lifestyle. But as a teenager, all I resorted to was the belief that life's contentment would find me and hold me hand through my days. Of course, I waited only to comprehend later on after graduation that this comfort was nothing but a fictional figment of my wishful thinking

So I wasn't a cheerleader. I didn't join student council, the debate team, theater, drama or band. I was a nameless face among a plethora of bright smiling students, waiting for the battle of my evil sadness to be defeated by a sudden spurt of mysterious bliss. In my heart, I used to feel the battle was lost and I would be doomed to depression like some pathetic hypochondriac but what I know now is that the battle was never fought. I was not a depressed person; I was merely going through the typical teenage angst that most people endure

Those who have allowed themselves to be labeled in high school by joining associations, teams or even using their clothes as a personal statement are the same people who probably have happy "high school essays" to write about. I didn't see the point to all those pointless committees because I just had one goal: to finish my senior year as quickly as junior high begun, quick and painless. However, I know that in order to grow, one must undergo tough times through bad luck and mistakes. Bad luck is the operation of fate and mistakes are made to learn from them. With these two forces hovering over people like me in high school or in any point in ones life, it helps mold a strong character which in turn makes it easier for happiness to be more noticeable in life

I perceive myself as an outspoken girl and I know how to stand up for myself, but all of this came with time. In high school I was not blessed with such a strong character and with this came a very frustrating introverted personality. This made me grow bitter to everyone else and I held with me a degree of hatred, probably caused by envy to all the students with their smiling faces. However, I understand completely now that in order to have happiness, one must create happiness. If I were relive my four years of high school with what I know now three years following my graduation, I am positive I would have had a better time with handling my life and the petty obstacles that came my way. Things wouldn't have been so overdramatic and emphasized as they had been. But time changes everything, heals everything and time is everything. And time has made me content with everything in its own inexplicable way."I always feel left out because I don't try to be in and then I hate myself for not trying and then I cry

And I hate myself

And I cry

And I hate hating."

Comments

This essay is pretty well written.

However, the student fails to "show, rather than tell" -- a vital ingredient to a strong US college essay. The student mentions being outspoken, but there is nothing there but a categorical description - what has she done that makes her outspoken? The essay's highly depressing subject matter has no peak, or expansion, and leaves the reader wondering, why on earth would we consider you? I sympathize, but this essay is highly insufficient. Give us an example of your character, not a first-person descriptive narrative. - ragnar_jonsson