Jealousy is relatively common in relationships. A study which surveyed relationship support professionals showed that one-third of clients said jealousy was the biggest problem in the relationships. Two-thirds included jealousy amongst other concerns. (White, 2008)

Partners cheating getting caught

With jealousy being a prevalent issue in relationships, what happens when the trust is breached and the jealousy intensifies? Is it the end of the relationship or is forgiveness enough?


We asked the community: would you forgive cheating?


I know of two people who have been married for 20+ and 40+ years who have forgiven, because they felt the alternative is worse.

I couldn't forgive, I think. Simes
A one off incident maybe, I could put that down to a moment of weakness. An on going affair? Not a chance. lucaf
Thankfully I've never been in this position but no, I don't think I could.

In the short term I might be able to shove it to the back of my mind, but I know myself enough to know I don't think I could ever trust them fully again. Even if it was 'just a drunken mistake', that wouldn't really matter to me as it would play on my mind. TattyBoJangles
It depends on the situation entirely. Would I give up a long-term relationship over one drunken kiss? Probably not. It would obviously be different if it was a full-fledged affair over a prolonged period. smileitsjess
I don't know. It's easy to say now we would never forgive. After 15 or 20 years of common life, with children and a lot of money involved, perhaps I will be less strict.
Josb
I think I once read that people actually forgive cheating much more commonly than they predict they will. It's easy to say, "I'd never forgive someone if they cheated on me," but to break up with someone you love over it definitely isn't easy. miser
I took back a boyfriend who cheated on me and it was horrible because the whole time I was constantly paranoid. Eventually must have driven him nuts as he dumped me a few months down the line.

I think that as much as you want to forgive them you just shouldn't put yourself through it as it's never the same again lulagirl15
You know, it's funny - I reflexively thought "no chance", when I recalled one ex who was sleeping with her samba instructor while we were together. Now that I think about it though, she did things that I'd retrospectively count as "cheating" throughout the whole relationship and I let it slide because, to my knowledge, no penises entered her.


Now though, in an effort to avoid the same kind of relationship, I think I've painted myself into a corner with what I find acceptable behaviour in a partner. So now I get twitchy when someone I love even laughs at another guy's jokes. How messed up is that? I consider myself to be a fairly well-balanced, emotionally healthy member of society, but when it comes to romance... it's scary how apparently dysfunctional I am.


edit: forgive? Yes, ALWAYS, because the bitterness will tear you up. But don't expect anything else from them, and if adultery is not what you're after, leave them. Calpurnia
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