It’s almost the weekend, the weather is dropping promising hints and Friday is St Patrick’s Day. Three surefire reasons why many shots will be racked up this weekend.
In the spirit (pun intended) of drinking until you think you can dance, we’ve pulled together our members’ funniest inebriated experiences. Here’s what we deduced…
Some members become a bit of an exhibitionist after a few:
“When in a club in Barcelona, I climbed into one of the dancer’s cages and just went for it – the videos are shocking.” – Yazmin123
…but these skills don’t always do you any favours:
“I broke my arm in a nightclub, but didn't notice it was broken so just went back to dancing. Was a wild night.” – Elastichedgehog
“The most stupid thing I’ve done when drunk was probably to kick my iPhone through the floor of a nightclub… and then forget about it.” – usualsuspects
Others find they’re more of a wordsmith:
“I tried to put up a Facebook post about the amazing night I’d just had. It came out like: yjgucijhofhxhc jyvhlutffjyg kkvukugkkggyjgcxjyhcbgivyhbo jungle chuffed ngghggv.” – New-Emperor
…or even try their hand at a bit of under-the-influence networking – what could possibly go wrong with that?
“I once got a bit tipsy at a wine tasting event at work and ended up having a serious conversation with my manager about ''the importance of my role in the company'' whilst struggling to stay upright. I then had to talk to a customer for the last half hour of my shift, all whilst wondering why nobody else got drunk from the tasting. In hindsight, they had all been spitting each mouthful out like we were supposed to…” – Anon
For many, the definition of the word ‘toilet’ loosens after a pint or six. Be it a (worryingly public) alleyway, a friend’s garden or your own furniture, anywhere’s fair game when you need to go.
“I got drunk, managed to get home safely and passed out on the bed. Couple of hours later I wake up and I'm weeing all over the coffee table in my living room... I have no idea why because the bathroom was actually closer to my bedroom.” – Devify
Obviously, no night out is complete without a trip beneath the golden arches:
“After getting really drunk in a club when I was 17, I decided to hit up McDonald’s. Once there, I throw up in the toilets before ordering a Happy Meal. I then realise I’ve matched with the guy behind the till on Tinder and tell him, as well as everyone else in McDonald’s.
His manager thinks it’s hilarious and asks for my number to give him. I, of course, give him my number and as I am walking home get a phone call. Didn't actually remember the next day but found the call in my log and was filled in on the details. Now, every time I go to my local McDonald's, the guy refuses to look at me…” – chloermr
But it’s Pembilton’s
story that really sets the bar high for worst drunken stories - it's a long one, but well worth the read. (You can read it in full here
“This was my first ever experience of (underage) drinking – my mum is seriously Roman Catholic and church is very important to her, so whilst I was still living at home Sunday Mass was compulsory.
“One Saturday I go to a friend's 16th birthday sleepover. Somehow, she's managed to get hold of two bottles of vodka for the five of us. By 3am, two girls have passed out and the birthday girl can't leave the vicinity of the toilet…
“My alarm goes off 9am next morning and strangely enough I feel fine. Fantastic! Although, as I'm walking, it starts to dawn on me that maybe this isn't a good idea. Breakfast really doesn't help and has made me feel so much worse but by now I'm at the church and meeting up with mum.
“Mass begins and I feel like death warmed up. My head is pounding and I feel so sick. Then comes the call to communion – this involves the priest placing a little round bit of bread known as the “host” into your mouth. To Catholics, this bread is literally the body of Christ.
“I know I don't want to be doing this but there’s no escape and I'm in the line before I realise. The second this awful wafer bread touches my tongue, there is nothing I can do to prevent the calamity that is about to unfold. I vomit spectacularly over the priest (whose hand is still right by my mouth) and also partly into his bowl containing the other bits of Christ's body.
“The rest is a bit of a blur. Basically, mum was horrified, apologised profusely and then just dragged me outside and took me home. I had to carry on going to that church until I left home at 18.”
But, then again, some people are just wild enough without the addition of alcohol:
Got any funny drunken tales to tell? Share them in the comments below.
“I've never been drunk because I don't drink much. The worst thing that happened to me on a night out was tripping over a traffic island because I was really tired and just didn't notice it at all.” – Hugs31