I have anxiety based OCD. This means that I worry over things too much which makes me have compulsions and obsessions which are irrational. This all started back in December when I had a lesson talking about infectious diseases at college. This triggered everything off.
Over the next few weeks I started getting paranoid over little things like red marks on a wall, coming into contact with people and going on public transport. It eventually got so bad that I couldn't eat, sleep or (I'm sorry to say) wash myself in fear of coming into contact with blood or anything else. I was then told to do something about it as I had been ringing advice lines a lot. They turned around and said that they wouldn't help me any longer. As I couldn't face going outside to the doctors surgery I decided to ring them up and ask for advice. They gave me a contact who I could ring who would advise me on where I could receive help for my anxiety and OCD.
Self-referral and therapy
I self referred myself and started my therapy soon after. I was told that I was going to have CBT. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. At first I didn't feel comfortable going to see the therapist face to face so we spoke on the phone for a few sessions. We spoke about the nature of my mental health problem and what my goals were for recovery. We then moved on to talking about my blips. My points where I worried uncontrollably. The therapy sessions reduced me to tears when this happened as it brought everything back for me. I didn't want to revisit the blips as I had already gotten over them. Eventually I met with her face to face. This was my last therapy session with her. She undermined what I said and just didn't understand where I was coming from. After this session I decided I wanted to go back to phone calls as I didn't feel comfortable with her face to face. She said she would ring me. She didn't and she hasn't rang since, that was over 2 months ago.
I am happy to say I've been recovering on my own. I still have my compulsions but my worries are getting less and less. I can now go outside, use public transport and am now eating well etc. I've even started running! Therapy just didn't work for me in the end. It was so generic for me and didn't really fit my needs. The therapist didn't really understand me either. I still have some time to go before I fully recover but I'm going to university in September to do Social Work so I will be focusing on that! I have not had a lot of support from family due to lack of understanding but my boyfriend who has experienced OCD in the past has helped a lot. I'd urge people who feel like their mental health isn't well to seek professional help from a doctor who can then do what is best for you, medication (which I didn't want) or therapy. Don't be afraid to speak out. I'm glad I did.