The dark culinary arts of easy student cooking

It’s finals. You know that food is fuel for your exams. But you just don’t have time to cook... 
These black magic recipes have been handed down through generations of undergraduates, alarming chefs and serious foodies everywhere, but saving starving students. Here they are revealed. 

Tea & Biscuits

Microwave scrambled eggs

Scrambled eggs make a healthy and delicious breakfast (unless you add lots of butter, in which case it’s just delicious). However, as far as breakfast foods go they are pretty high maintenance. You’ll need to stand over them at all times, stirring constantly. Then you’ll need about two days' soaking and an industrial cleaner to separate the holy fusion of cooked egg and pan.

Luckily in 1946 they invented the microwave, which makes scrambled eggs much easier. 

How make microwave scrambled eggs:

1) Whisk your eggs with a fork
2) Put in a microwaveable bowl 
3) Heat for 20 seconds
4) Remove and stir the eggs with a fork
5) Repeat until cooked through and fluffy. 

As a bonus, you can eat these on toast with some sliced avocado for a yummy, filling and nutritious breakfast. Perfect fuel for exams. 

Ketchup

Toasted potato waffles

If you’ve been firing up the grill to toast your potato waffles, you’ve been doing it all wrong my friend. 

How to cook a potato waffle in the grill

1) Stare at oven knob, wondering which wiggly line means “grill".
2) Ehhh...yeah it’s probably that one. 
3) Wonder if grill is actually on. Experiment with opening and closing the door. 
4) Try testing heat with hand. Burn hand. 
5) Place potato waffle on tray under grill.
6) Wait while holding hand under cold running water.
7) Waffle is a bit warm on grill side. Flip waffle. 
9) Put on a cup of tea. Get chatting to housemate.
10) Fan smoke away from fire alarm.
11) Open all the kitchen windows.
12) Enjoy burned waffle.

How to cook a potato waffle in the toaster:

1) Place waffle in toaster
2) Make a cup of tea and wait for the toaster to pop
3) Enjoy perfectly cooked waffle 

Instant cheesecake

Cheese cake, especially the baked kind, is one of the most advanced and potentially soul crushing cooking adventures. It’s an arduous and complicated procedure which requires great emotional fortitude and an iron will, neither of which you’ll have in spades during finals. 

Luckily there’s a way to satisfy your cheesecake craving without risking your emotional well-being. 

Instant cheesecake recipe:

1) Take one plain digestive biscuit
2) Spread cream cheese on it
3) Top with jam or lemon curd

Gourmet instant cheesecake:

As above, but add sliced strawberry or other fruit on top

Pizza

Easy pizza

Pizza is delicious. It is also expensive. It also takes 20 minutes that you don’t have to cook in the oven, and comes covered in fiddly plastic wrapping which you’ll forget to remove 10% of the time. And don’t even get us started on making the dough from scratch. 

There’s a much better way of satisfying your pizza itch. 
 

Easy pizza (beginners):

1) Take a pitta bread
2) Add a layer of tomato puree & some mixed herbs
3) Add a layer of cheese (mozzarella works well)
4) Add whatever other topping you like 

Easy pizza (advanced):

If you are feeling brave do as above, but risk warming under the grill for a couple of minutes. 

Banana ice cream

Ice cream is a staple, but it’s not very healthy and probably not ideal brain food when you're revising. 

Luckily there’s a simple way to make ice cream out of the humble banana which will be full of nutrients, fibre and count as one of your five-a-day. 

Juice

How to make banana ice cream:

1) Take peeled bananas
2) Freeze them for a couple of hours
3) Let them thaw for about 10 minutes
4) Whizz them with a blender 

Gourmet banana ice cream:

As above, but add cocoa powder or peanut butter to the mix. Or just experiment with other ingredients to find out what you like.
 

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What are your magic food recipes? Share them below: