With Valentine’s Day just around the corner and couples sweating it out over gifts, we at TSR thought we would compile a small list of present ideas for thrifty students – all of which can be found on the high-street.
Valentine’s Day having evolved into this mass of commercialisation, we naturally thought that the sillier the gift, the happier the partner – a consideration that has opened our eyes to the world of ridiculous gift ideas. Boots told us to buy our partners a toothbrush or an epilator. They are gendered too, apparently men secretly lust after a squeakier smile whereas women just want a new, more painful method of hair removal. Each to their own…
‘How to poo on a date’ book
On the first page of this volume are inscribed the immortal words ‘one of the secrets of seduction is to stay faultless at all times’. This mantra exposes one vital flaw in the human condition and the quest for love – our waste disposal system. This masterful guide in negotiating the dating/toilet minefield is a perfect gift to your sweetheart this Valentine’s Day, keeping you blissfully unaware of the ‘faulty’ nature of your SO.
£6.99, Urban Outfitters
Heart-shaped ice cube tray
For when your love life gets too hot to handle, this handy ice cube tray brings the temperature down! Introduce some sweet romance to your hydration routine with love-heart shaped ice-cubes, naturally in a hot pink hue. We don’t know who wouldn’t appreciate this on Valentine’s Day, it’s common knowledge that everything tastes better with a little lovin’ in it.
When simply having a partner just isn’t enough, and you need to proclaim to the world (or to your house) that yes, this person has a ‘lover’ and yes, that ‘lover’ is you. Think of it almost as a precursor to a couple’s tattoo – if you enjoy the feeling of being inexplicably linked whilst engaging in everyday activities, for example enjoying the warm embrace of a cuppa with your family and friends, then the ‘Lover’ mug is for you!
£12.00, Urban Outfitters
The perfect rainy afternoon pastime for those who, like us, feel that mainstream puzzles are far too interesting to look at. 200 pieces of blank tessellation joy, the heart-shaped puzzle is a test for the most patient individual to see how far one can get without seeing red (pardon the pun). Additionally, if you ever break up then there will be no custody arguments – you can each take half…
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A present that is the gift hunting equivalent of a mother feeding a baby bird (the hard work has been done for you) the Love Vouchers book is perfect for a romantic with little time or creativity. You must be careful however, these vouchers are contractually binding and promise seven years of bad luck if you do not follow through on the terms… Only kidding, although it might get you into hot water with the SO.
Karma Sutra Dot To Dot Book
A fresh and fruity take on the dot to dot books of our youth – not one our parents would have wanted us to meddle with. The infamous tantric manual already gets slowly tilting heads, furrowed brows, and awed mutterings of ‘are bodies supposed to bend that way’ – imagine the shock of the slow reveal! Dot to dot, you tease…
Love hearts tea lights
What better metaphor for a relationship than these love-heart tea lights. Starting off pert and pretty, adorned with messages of love and affection. Gradually consumed by fire, the affection melts away and all you are left with is a pool of melted wax that hurts to touch, that you refuse to dispose of it due to memories of former glory. Seriously, who thought these were a great idea for a Valentine’s gift? ‘Here honey, watch our relationship symbolically burn!’
£4.95, Red 5
Valentine’s Day insulated travel cup
One of the more mundane items on the list, however infinitely practical – and a steal at £1! Spend your day content that your other half is thinking about you every time they reach to wrap their chilly mitts around a hot beverage, proclaiming to the office your message of affection – ‘I’m hot for you!’ Alternatively, if you break up then you can use it to flirt with people through car windows.
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Heart-shaped door knobs
For the relationship that would benefit in subliminal messaging, these heart shaped doorknobs are perfect for sneaking messages of adoration into your partner’s psyche. Going unnoticed for most of the day, the garish handles add a small lift of love to the home, subtly warming the atmosphere and making you’re SO think more kindly of you. Sometimes, subliminal manipulation is all you need in a relationship!
‘I whaley love you’ soft toy
The incredibly cutesy soft toy is perfect for those couples that talk to each other as though they are talking to a new-born. Its squishy, bulbous shape and irritatingly adorable little grin are mind-dividing – we are currently not sure whether we want to smush it out of a desire to nurture or to crush it out of sheer annoyance. Smug little whale. ‘I whaley love you’ it says. We whaley don’t think that whales can speak. We’re whaley sorry.
Do you remember that guy that found an image of Jesus in his toast? Well instead of encountering a religious experience in your breakfast, you could have a thoroughly heart-warming expression of love – just begging to be besmirched by butter and marmite. The Love on Toast toast stamp is reminiscent of the welcome note on old mobile phones – a small touch that invokes the warm and fuzzies.
Heart-shaped toilet roll holder
Have you ever been so enamoured that you want the love to follow you around, even in your most intimate, personal moments? Well, now it can with the heart-shaped toilet roll holder, bringing a hint of cupid’s arrow to your lavatory. We know this is more of a homeware item than a Valentine’s gift, however with the entire set – including a heart patterned toilet seat – you will no longer have to leave the confines of your bathroom looking for love. For a gift that really screams ‘I love you’, look no further.
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