Break ups can be difficult, particularly for people who have been in highly committed or long-term relationships. OnePlusOne have shared research that shows that the more invested a person is in their joint identity with their partner, the harder it can be to cope with the break up due to a greater sense of loss.
TSR member lyrical_lie asked the community how they felt about this and what they would suggest to overcome this sense of identity loss.
Here's what they had to say:
"It depends on the relationship. I would agree with my first, as I was quite lost with who I was. My last long term relationship not so much though, as I moved to another country and couldn't wait to end it. If anything the last break up fuelled my personality. It's a case by case basis I conclude."
Do you feel that you don't feel yourself as much as your so used to being "we"?
"At first it is a struggle, you don't feel yourself. Although I retained a strong personal identity during my past relationships, so rather it felt like a part of my life was missing rather than a part of my identity."
If you did how did you overcome this?
"Spent more time with my friends, went out more often, met new people. Just do stuff to broaden your prospective, to help you realise that life goes on and there are different things out there waiting for you."
The literature says we should take time away from our exes and give ourselves some space to find our identity again. Do you agree with this or were you happy to spend time with your ex after splitting.
"In general I find keeping up a friendship after a breakup is pointless, except if it was a short relationship. It is just so difficult not to get pulled back in again, along with the associated problematic feelings. Aside from general niceties and an occasional chat I don't really have any interest in speaking to my exes."
"My first long term relationship, I was quite young and naive. I changed a lot to fit in with him and his friends instead if being who I was. So maybe it wasn't so much loosing my identity when it ended, but the shock of being my own person and figuring myself out.My last relationship, however, ended amicably and was much better because I know who I am and I'm comfortable with myself."
Have you felt like you have lost a part of you in a break up? Or did you feel that your identity had more freedom on your own?
Share your experiences in the thread here:
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