What attraction really is

Have you ever wondered what being ‘attractive’ actually is? How do some people become attractive to other people despite their physical looks not being what we define as ‘attractive’? In this article, I will explain what attraction between people REALLY is. Once you understand what attraction really is, you will know why it happens, you can then find out for yourself, how you can go about maximizing your own attraction generation.

You’ll also understand that real attraction is never really to do with how you actually look or anything other people will tell you, but comes down to a variety of other factors that are all too obvious, but completely overlooked.

Attraction is something no one can ever really describe. We ask someone what it is, and they can never give a good answer. If you look in a dictionary, you might get something along the lines of:

1. The act or capability of attracting.

2. The quality of attracting; charm.

So, great, we’re told that attraction is the ability to attract, still hasn’t answered the question though.

What is attraction?

Attraction can be described a force that pulls two objects together. It’s a force that has varying strengths due to a variety of variables. I’ll explain the details of attraction for the relationship level and mainly from a male standpoint, however, it is applicable from a female’s perspective too. Contrary to what some people may say, it’s not all about physical looks. You have to take into account other factors such as:

• Propinquity

• Personality

• Social effects

When people are physically attracted to someone, it can be part of social effects too.

People that live in closer proximity to each other and see each other on a regular basis are more likely to be attracted to each other – propinquity. Compatible personalities are also required for obvious reasons.


It occurs every day in our lives, people in our social circles get together and best friends might suddenly become an item.

People that live nearby to one another are more likely to develop relationships with one another and people that see each other regularly for whatever reason (such as in the work place) may find themselves unknowingly attracted to each other.

This is created due to the close proximity of the two people, the longer you are exposed to a certain person, and the more likely you are to be attracted to each other. This is a law with the exception of when personalities collide and their habits may become repulsive to you (also with the exception of family too usually).


This is where you can most commonly make most of your changes which can lead to an increase in the other areas of propinquity and social effects.

Becoming an extroverted person that is everyone’s friend is going to get you outside, talking to new people and increasing your propinquity with them, it’s also going to increase your social status and the effects that come with that.

Personality can be considered like the base template for attraction, if someone else’s personality has too many conflicts with your personality, it does not matter how strong your social status or propinquity with someone is, they will not find you attractive in any real way.

Social effects

This is one of the more predominant factors in attraction. Unlike most things in attraction, it’s describable as it’s what sets the rules for what we determine as ‘attractive’.

Society has an effect on our entire perception of things. If someone teaches or tells you something, you would assume they’re right. And once you’re allowing yourself to even think about what they say, you’re going to at least take it into consideration the next time it applies.

This is especially applicable at an earlier age when you’re much more prone to influence from other people. This influence from an early age, affects your perception later on and this creates what we can call a ‘perceptive lens’ or our own reality. So you can see, social effect has a lot to do with how we set the base of attraction.

Later on, it becomes harder to influence someone because that lens has already been fitted; you have to work harder to change someone’s perception.

This can be mainly overcome by the use of sheer numbers and their propinquity to you.

One person tells you that someone ugly is attractive, you might not believe it. One hundred people tell you someone ugly is attractive, and you start to believe it yourself. If everyone tells you someone is attractive, even your best friends, then you’re going to find that person attractive as well.

So what does this all mean?

Social effects and personality act as a base for attraction.

Propinquity however is the most important.

Ultimately, time is what creates attraction. This is because it is the one thing you can never get back. If you had to save up for a car that was really expensive but you really liked, you worked extra shifts and took on another job for a year, then finally got it, but then on the same day, the exact same car is delivered to you as a prize from a competition you entered only a week earlier. You can’t afford to keep both, so which car would you choose to sell?

Nearly everyone would say the car that they won for nothing.

This is not because the car is any different. It is because the car they had to work for is a manifestation of all the time and effort they had to give up and that is worth more than gold to everyone.

You are not often attracted to things that are just merely shoved onto you for nothing; this is why women are often not attracted to the massive pool of men that are usually swimming around them trying to get their attention. It is because they themselves have not had to work for any of the men’s attention, they have freely given it to her, and she does not feel like it is worth anything to her. So there you have it. The strongest law of attraction is time invested = attraction.

What can you do to make these factors work for YOU?

It is usually quite simple.

Become a better person and don’t be antisocial, make many friends and don’t stop doing so, bigger networks means higher levels of propinquity. Make friends with many girls as well as guys, if you have a hot girl’s friends helping you out (calling you attractive, such a nice person, etc), it is much more likely to drive her to be attracted to you. This is what is called ‘pre-selection’, other girls have found you attractive, and so it creates a strong social phenomenon that increases your attractiveness.

Get out there and meet a variety of people, because at the end of the day, not going out and making an effort to meet them will only mean your propinquity with them is zero and hence you have the least chance of being found attractive or attracting another person.

Your love life does NOT land on your feet by chance; you make it happen for yourself. Don’t resign yourself ever to taking whatever you can get because, at any moment if you go out and put the effort into looking for a partner, your attraction factors could comply with another person’s conditions for attraction and something new could develop in your love life.

However, there is a difference between wanting propinquity and needing it. You ideally want propinquity but don’t NEED it. Once you start needing propinquity with a certain person, it creates clinginess and that always poses the threat of being unattractive, which we do not want to be.

Also, be aware that getting a person to invest their time in you, and not you investing as much time in them, will begin to make that person want to win you over rather than the other way round. This spikes your appeal to another woman – it almost creates a ‘prize’ effect. However, being too far from that person’s reach will cause the opposite effect and you can be deemed unreachable. You have to learn how to make a person invest in you and also fine tune the level at which you do so.

There is always game as well which can structure the ways you go about increasing these factors more effectively. Good game makes effective use of all these factors to dramatically increase your attractiveness to a level which you could not normally achieve before; however some people do reason that it is not really a representation of you. I beg to differ though. However, this is another subject, which I might divulge into sooner or later.