My roommate hates me and it's making me upset
TLDR: My roommate hates me because I'm gay, what do I do?
For the first few weeks of uni we got along fine. I'm a fairly quiet person, and he understood that and didn't force me to make pointless conversation.
But over the past few weeks he's been acting a bit hostile towards me, but nothing I can really complain about to accommodation.
I think it's because he's realised I'm gay after seeing me with my boyfriend so much. When I walked out of the room a few days ago I heard him whisper to his friend "oh what a fag" and they muttered some other incomprehensible stuff and laughed.
He always acts as though I'm not there or I'm a huge annoyance to him. Like if I walk past him, he doesn't even look at me. When he leaves the room, he slams the door and sometimes switches the lights off. When he comes in he pretends to unlock the door as though there is nobody inside who has unlocked it. Sometimes when he's on Skype he will just blatently talk about me like I can't hear him.
I'm now spending as much time out of my room as possible - I leave for my 9AM lecture and only go back to get books and stuff. At night I come back at around 12/3 depending on whether I went to the union or to play on the computers in labs.
My sexuality isn't a secret, but I haven't actually told him and it's not obvious when you meet me. When I meet people I don't say "Oh hi my names fred and I'm queer", but would it have been a good idea to tell him initially? Telling him now is pointless because he already knows.. but he doesn't know that I know that he knows, if you see what I mean.
I can't really have a chat with him about it either, because as I said we never speak much and I'm very socially awkward. When we do speak about little things he sounds completly normal, and it's made me think I'm just imagining the entire thing. But some things can't be imagined.. like the conversations he has about me on Skype.
I don't have many friends and sometimes he'll be the only person I see all weekend, which is quite depressing when they hate you. Luckily the growing desire to kill myself is interrupted on monday when I meet nice people in lectures, labs and the union.
Anyway, sorry for the massive post.. I just need any advice anyone can give me, maybe stories of a similar situation?
For the first few weeks of uni we got along fine. I'm a fairly quiet person, and he understood that and didn't force me to make pointless conversation.
But over the past few weeks he's been acting a bit hostile towards me, but nothing I can really complain about to accommodation.
I think it's because he's realised I'm gay after seeing me with my boyfriend so much. When I walked out of the room a few days ago I heard him whisper to his friend "oh what a fag" and they muttered some other incomprehensible stuff and laughed.
He always acts as though I'm not there or I'm a huge annoyance to him. Like if I walk past him, he doesn't even look at me. When he leaves the room, he slams the door and sometimes switches the lights off. When he comes in he pretends to unlock the door as though there is nobody inside who has unlocked it. Sometimes when he's on Skype he will just blatently talk about me like I can't hear him.
I'm now spending as much time out of my room as possible - I leave for my 9AM lecture and only go back to get books and stuff. At night I come back at around 12/3 depending on whether I went to the union or to play on the computers in labs.
My sexuality isn't a secret, but I haven't actually told him and it's not obvious when you meet me. When I meet people I don't say "Oh hi my names fred and I'm queer", but would it have been a good idea to tell him initially? Telling him now is pointless because he already knows.. but he doesn't know that I know that he knows, if you see what I mean.
I can't really have a chat with him about it either, because as I said we never speak much and I'm very socially awkward. When we do speak about little things he sounds completly normal, and it's made me think I'm just imagining the entire thing. But some things can't be imagined.. like the conversations he has about me on Skype.
I don't have many friends and sometimes he'll be the only person I see all weekend, which is quite depressing when they hate you. Luckily the growing desire to kill myself is interrupted on monday when I meet nice people in lectures, labs and the union.
Anyway, sorry for the massive post.. I just need any advice anyone can give me, maybe stories of a similar situation?
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Record one of his skype conversations, take it to somebody in charge, get him kicked out.
There's not an awful lot you can do tbh mate. It's best just to ignore him as much as you can, some people are just homophobic. If he starts acting up openly, then report it to the University or the Police.
Original post by imMcLovin
your friend has every reason to hate you. maybe you should move accomadation to above some gay bar or something
Really?
**** off.
PS. Just so that you know, there is a very well established theory which states that the most homophobic people are the ones who have the greatest fear that they may be gay themselves.
Try and move out? If its university halls you're living in, I'm pretty sure discrimination is a good reason for them to try and move you somewhere else.
Original post by imMcLovin
your friend has every reason to hate you. maybe you should move accomadation to above some gay bar or something
hilarious
Original post by morecambebay
Record one of his skype conversations, take it to somebody in charge, get him kicked out.
Surely they'd see that as an invasion of privacy? He could say that I recorded it while I was out of the room and he didn't know I was there, and his comments aren't directed AT me.
Original post by VagnTheBrave
There's not an awful lot you can do tbh mate. It's best just to ignore him as much as you can, some people are just homophobic. If he starts acting up openly, then report it to the University or the Police.
That's probably true, I'm somewhat hopeful that he does something open to me. He's american, and I assumed that the idea of americans being homophobic was a common misconception. Clearly not.
Original post by JohnnytheFox
Try and move out? If its university halls you're living in, I'm pretty sure discrimination is a good reason for them to try and move you somewhere else.
There's nothing solid I can take to accommodation services though, because he isn't actively being a **** to me =/
Original post by Anonymous
TLDR: My roommate hates me because I'm gay, what do I do?
For the first few weeks of uni we got along fine. I'm a fairly quiet person, and he understood that and didn't force me to make pointless conversation.
But over the past few weeks he's been acting a bit hostile towards me, but nothing I can really complain about to accommodation.
I think it's because he's realised I'm gay after seeing me with my boyfriend so much. When I walked out of the room a few days ago I heard him whisper to his friend "oh what a fag" and they muttered some other incomprehensible stuff and laughed.
He always acts as though I'm not there or I'm a huge annoyance to him. Like if I walk past him, he doesn't even look at me. When he leaves the room, he slams the door and sometimes switches the lights off. When he comes in he pretends to unlock the door as though there is nobody inside who has unlocked it. Sometimes when he's on Skype he will just blatently talk about me like I can't hear him.
I'm now spending as much time out of my room as possible - I leave for my 9AM lecture and only go back to get books and stuff. At night I come back at around 12/3 depending on whether I went to the union or to play on the computers in labs.
My sexuality isn't a secret, but I haven't actually told him and it's not obvious when you meet me. When I meet people I don't say "Oh hi my names fred and I'm queer", but would it have been a good idea to tell him initially? Telling him now is pointless because he already knows.. but he doesn't know that I know that he knows, if you see what I mean.
I can't really have a chat with him about it either, because as I said we never speak much and I'm very socially awkward. When we do speak about little things he sounds completly normal, and it's made me think I'm just imagining the entire thing. But some things can't be imagined.. like the conversations he has about me on Skype.
I don't have many friends and sometimes he'll be the only person I see all weekend, which is quite depressing when they hate you. Luckily the growing desire to kill myself is interrupted on monday when I meet nice people in lectures, labs and the union.
Anyway, sorry for the massive post.. I just need any advice anyone can give me, maybe stories of a similar situation?
For the first few weeks of uni we got along fine. I'm a fairly quiet person, and he understood that and didn't force me to make pointless conversation.
But over the past few weeks he's been acting a bit hostile towards me, but nothing I can really complain about to accommodation.
I think it's because he's realised I'm gay after seeing me with my boyfriend so much. When I walked out of the room a few days ago I heard him whisper to his friend "oh what a fag" and they muttered some other incomprehensible stuff and laughed.
He always acts as though I'm not there or I'm a huge annoyance to him. Like if I walk past him, he doesn't even look at me. When he leaves the room, he slams the door and sometimes switches the lights off. When he comes in he pretends to unlock the door as though there is nobody inside who has unlocked it. Sometimes when he's on Skype he will just blatently talk about me like I can't hear him.
I'm now spending as much time out of my room as possible - I leave for my 9AM lecture and only go back to get books and stuff. At night I come back at around 12/3 depending on whether I went to the union or to play on the computers in labs.
My sexuality isn't a secret, but I haven't actually told him and it's not obvious when you meet me. When I meet people I don't say "Oh hi my names fred and I'm queer", but would it have been a good idea to tell him initially? Telling him now is pointless because he already knows.. but he doesn't know that I know that he knows, if you see what I mean.
I can't really have a chat with him about it either, because as I said we never speak much and I'm very socially awkward. When we do speak about little things he sounds completly normal, and it's made me think I'm just imagining the entire thing. But some things can't be imagined.. like the conversations he has about me on Skype.
I don't have many friends and sometimes he'll be the only person I see all weekend, which is quite depressing when they hate you. Luckily the growing desire to kill myself is interrupted on monday when I meet nice people in lectures, labs and the union.
Anyway, sorry for the massive post.. I just need any advice anyone can give me, maybe stories of a similar situation?
ouch, just ignore him. He's more likely scared of you more than you think. You could threaten to bum rape him?
Unfortunately, even in the 21st century, there still exist ignorant and bigoted people like your roommate. 
You can't be sure he's acting so oddly towards you because of your sexuality, because you haven't explicitly spoken about it, but it certainly sounds that way.
It may be small comfort to you, but at least you have other friends, a boyfriend and just others you can turn to that mean it's not absolutely imperative that you get on very well with your roommate. And there's only another semster of living with him left. You're just gonna have to thug it out, I'm afraid. Don't let it get to you that he seems not to like you, if it's true that you got on ok before he found out about your sexuality, then it's nothing personal about you, just the fact that he's homophobic. And although it's obviously unpleasant, by not getting on with someone with such nasty views, you're not really losing much. I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone like that even if I was straight.
You can't be sure he's acting so oddly towards you because of your sexuality, because you haven't explicitly spoken about it, but it certainly sounds that way.
It may be small comfort to you, but at least you have other friends, a boyfriend and just others you can turn to that mean it's not absolutely imperative that you get on very well with your roommate. And there's only another semster of living with him left. You're just gonna have to thug it out, I'm afraid. Don't let it get to you that he seems not to like you, if it's true that you got on ok before he found out about your sexuality, then it's nothing personal about you, just the fact that he's homophobic. And although it's obviously unpleasant, by not getting on with someone with such nasty views, you're not really losing much. I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone like that even if I was straight.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by morecambebay
Record one of his skype conversations, take it to somebody in charge, get him kicked out.
That sounds pathetic, vindictive and spineless. Seriously is this the way most of you behave? No wonder everyone thinks people here are pussies.
I think you need to talk to him.
He may be worried you'll perv on him, or make a move. Seeing as he didn't know to start with, and people like that tend to think if you're gay you fancy all men. If he carries on, just ignore him, he's a douche. And at least you can say you tried to clear the air.
He may be worried you'll perv on him, or make a move. Seeing as he didn't know to start with, and people like that tend to think if you're gay you fancy all men. If he carries on, just ignore him, he's a douche. And at least you can say you tried to clear the air.
Original post by Bishamon
That sounds pathetic, vindictive and spineless. Seriously is this the way most of you behave? No wonder everyone thinks people here are pussies.
And what would you do?
Do you think homophobic people magically stop being dicks if they are just asked nicely?
Do you think OP should have to live with it for a year?
Do you think that he should be the one to have to move out?
Original post by morecambebay
And what would you do?
Do you think homophobic people magically stop being dicks if they are just asked nicely?
Do you think OP should have to live with it for a year?
Do you think that he should be the one to have to move out?
Do you think homophobic people magically stop being dicks if they are just asked nicely?
Do you think OP should have to live with it for a year?
Do you think that he should be the one to have to move out?
Put up or shut up. Approach him and tell him that he feels uncomfortable and appreciates the fact that he may not agree with his sexual preference however unless he's willing to pay for the rest of his tenancy and the deposit he needs to quit getting his panties in a twist over the fact that his roomate is attracted to men.
Going behind someones back to **** em over is such a pussified thing to do and in most cases, especially when dealing with homophobes, it can actually escalate things.
And thanks for the neg, I can see now why you would suggest such a pathetic and cowardly "solution"
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by Bishamon
Put up or shut up. Approach him and tell him that he feels uncomfortable and appreciates the fact that he may not agree with his sexual preference however unless he's willing to pay for the rest of his tenancy and the deposit he needs to quit getting his panties in a twist over the fact that his roomate is attracted to men.
Going behind someones back to **** em over is such a pussified thing to do and in most cases, especially when dealing with homophobes, it can actually escalate things.
And thanks for the neg, I can see now why you would suggest such a pathetic and cowardly "solution"
Going behind someones back to **** em over is such a pussified thing to do and in most cases, especially when dealing with homophobes, it can actually escalate things.
And thanks for the neg, I can see now why you would suggest such a pathetic and cowardly "solution"
Is it any worse than going behind somobodies back and being homophobic about them?
For what its worth, I dont think I did neg you, I have given out some rep on this thread but I dont think that your post was one of them. If you are going to try and act all big and clever you shouldnt care either way though should you?
Tbh, I don't even think there would be any need to record a conversation. If he called me a faggot to my face, I wouldn't have to record that. I could be making up either of the situations, so I don't think evidence is required. I've just copied my post to student services and asked them if it's worth taking to accommodation or if I just have to put up with it. If this post sounds retarded, I'm sorry, I've just drank half a bottle of jack =/
I would simply accept if he doesn't like me.
but "and sometimes switches the lights off" this part would bring him right into the hospital, if he did this to me. Why do you let something like this happen?
but "and sometimes switches the lights off" this part would bring him right into the hospital, if he did this to me. Why do you let something like this happen?
Talk to the uni, there will be policies against discrimination.
Original post by imMcLovin
naa im actually really secure with my sexuality lol...
oh and its a ''theory'' which is most likely rubbish freud is most likely your idol or something and the reason people are homophobic is because they find it disgusting.
oh and its a ''theory'' which is most likely rubbish freud is most likely your idol or something and the reason people are homophobic is because they find it disgusting.
It's been tested. People who are openly homophobic were shown gay porn as were people who were totally fine with homosexuality. I'll let you guess whose penises expanded more whilst watching the porn
Original post by Anonymous
x
Just remember here, you've done nothing wrong. I can't think of anything else to say but whatever happens, try not to get down about it and I hope it all turns out well
If I were you I'd move out. There's no point in torturing yourself by putting up with this for a whole year, especially if it's keeping you from enjoying your uni experience. If you go to the accomodation services and explain the situation to them, they might be able to arrange for a room-switch with someone else who isn't happy in their flat or something. I don't think you actually need to have 'evidence' of the bullying or anything, just tell them that you're really unhappy with your flat and ask them what options are available.
Last year I lived with people I didn't really get along with, and looking on back on it I wish I had done something about it sooner, and moved out. At the time I thought it would be best to just 'stick it out' but it's just not worth it - a whole year of living with people who obviously don't like you does horrible things to your self-esteem and I would definitely advise against it.
Last year I lived with people I didn't really get along with, and looking on back on it I wish I had done something about it sooner, and moved out. At the time I thought it would be best to just 'stick it out' but it's just not worth it - a whole year of living with people who obviously don't like you does horrible things to your self-esteem and I would definitely advise against it.
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