I cant handle put me downs anymore

I think you need a goal in life, something to aim for and that will give you motivation. Only you know what this is, but it really can be anything. Even just doing voluntary/charity work can boost your self esteem, self worth and confidence.

I tried starting 3 uni courses in 3 years and dropped out of each as felt out of place against people excited about going drinking a lot or how amazing they look etc and of course again them looking at me thinking I dont fit in.

I wanted to go to uni as the family thing meant I couldnt go to uni at 21 when I wanted to so applied when I was 24 and got people saying to me(and other people my age) that we were too old to be in student bar.

I dont expect being pampered as that would make me feel worse but want to feel like yeah I am achiveing something and not feel like whatever I achieve everyone else achives it far easier and does it better.

sorry to say this and i really hope this doesn't make you feel worse...however, I was surprised to see that are older than 24 and feel this way???

You probably need to see a counselor.

I tried starting 3 uni courses in 3 years and dropped out of each as felt out of place against people excited about going drinking a lot or how amazing they look etc and of course again them looking at me thinking I dont fit in.

I wanted to go to uni as the family thing meant I couldnt go to uni at 21 when I wanted to so applied when I was 24 and got people saying to me(and other people my age) that we were too old to be in student bar.

I dont expect being pampered as that would make me feel worse but want to feel like yeah I am achiveing something and not feel like whatever I achieve everyone else achives it far easier and does it better.

Different things suit different people better. Find something you're good at which you enjoy and you will feel comfortable doing. University isn't for you because you feel you cannot fully integrate, so stop trying university and look for something else you will be able to do well and that you will get enjoyment from. Another bonus of doing this is that you'll likely meet like-minded people that you will get on well with because they should be similar to you.

i really hope things work out for you, but you should really go to a doctors and seek professional advice, at the end of the day you must look at the bad things that have happened and try to help them make you stronger, just think, "i made it through that i can make it through this"

hjope this helps and i really wish you all the best

Not that I ever was amazing at it, but was really poplular and friendly till I was 12 then bullied horribly by other pupils AND teachers, by teacher bullying I mean the pupils who bullied me were middle class and I was from council estate so they were were snooty and said I must of started every fight, so I learned to stay quiet, and not socialise, so even on the rare occasion say at Christmas when people were somewhat nice to me I blanked them.


I started getting better when I left school but was just shy and with little to moderate self esteem but built my confidence up till I was 22 and a family member was murdered and people knew my family in street as it was a quite small town and got nasty people in street saying we were scum and we murdered this person again down to the fact most of my family are on benefits or low wage jobs.

This was 5 years ago, since then my life has gotten worse and worse, in the past 2 years I am losing my hairline though my hair is thick, have gained 5 stone and cannot get better since I get so much abuse in the street over things like weight, apperance, or that I am timid I am timid because I am depressed, depressed because I am stuck getting worse so wont get better unless I am treated better, vicious circle

I dont want to or intend to make excuses or anything or wallow in self pity I just want to feel somewhat ok or good about myself then increase that feeling to every part of my life to make it gradually better and better but am unable to due to the way I am treated.

I used to enjoy even the simple things in life like reading a book, watching a movie, and used to use weights a lot or go for a long walk for miles, now I have no morale or motivation though I still go for walks, they are random could be not at all for 2-3 months then 2-3 times in one week since the only way I can get a tiny bit of motivation is to actually do something so when I do it feels slightly normal, but the second I stop it unless a situation comes up again where I have to do it I wont.

Just confused to my own feeling right now and need some advice.

Dont say go to doctors btw, have tried various doctors at various surgeries in 4 towns around country where I have lived last few years who just seem indifferent and say just do some exercise or go for a walk to feel better.

I tried starting 3 uni courses in 3 years and dropped out of each as felt out of place against people excited about going drinking a lot or how amazing they look etc and of course again them looking at me thinking I dont fit in.

I wanted to go to uni as the family thing meant I couldnt go to uni at 21 when I wanted to so applied when I was 24 and got people saying to me(and other people my age) that we were too old to be in student bar.

I dont expect being pampered as that would make me feel worse but want to feel like yeah I am achiveing something and not feel like whatever I achieve everyone else achives it far easier and does it better.

Have you ever posted this before ? Anyway,do you know why you kept dropping out all the time ? I have had a similar problem due to a medical condition and decided to take shorter courses and OU modules to avoid flunking out, again.

About the student bar,that is rubbish.Haven't those guys ever heard of postgrad students.

You just have to find the strength within you somehow.

If you wanna talk,feel free to hit me up.

I have made threads before yes, but not really in great details and often asking or saying different things.

About the student bar, their sort of idea is that uni is for the young and over 23/34 isnt young I have even been told I am weird for not settling down yet by people in student bar, or that I am weird for wanting to go when most people in there are 18-21 etc.

Man,would you be surprised if i told you that i am about your age ,probably older,and do all those things,clubbing too.It will only be a problem if you let it.I know guys who and in their 30's and still go to student night,and guess what,they pull young tottty. Once you have a few drinks,all the inhibitions dissapear .Ok,i hardly go to student bars,but the nights i will not forefeit due to some stupid ignoramus telling me/thinking that i'm too old to be kicking it at that venue.Screw them.

I question the stability of a 30+ year old who hangs round student bars for the sole reason to 'pull young totty'. Your friend still a kid? When do you reckon he will grow up, settle down with some girl and start a family, get a home and/or a mortgage, get a job which pays well? Or is this it, student bars the rest of his life?

OP, he is right about one thing here, your never too old to go to a student bar. a 30 year old student might look out of place in one but if they are a student the who cares? Just don't turn into one of these creeps who are way past their time and are trying to 'pull young totty'.


As for your life, hell people put us all down. I get put down at least once a week, and when people do I feel like an unntractive git. But the rest of the time I go round feeling like the most attractive person in the world and I think it shows for other people You gotta look after yourself, but you gotta also realise that its not just you who gets put down, some people get a kick out of it and you just learn to ignore them! I fully believe that there are more nice people in the world than there are nasty ones.

Else, gl!

Not that I ever was amazing at it, but was really poplular and friendly till I was 12 then bullied horribly by other pupils AND teachers, by teacher bullying I mean the pupils who bullied me were middle class and I was from council estate so they were were snooty and said I must of started every fight, so I learned to stay quiet, and not socialise, so even on the rare occasion say at Christmas when people were somewhat nice to me I blanked them.


I started getting better when I left school but was just shy and with little to moderate self esteem but built my confidence up till I was 22 and a family member was murdered and people knew my family in street as it was a quite small town and got nasty people in street saying we were scum and we murdered this person again down to the fact most of my family are on benefits or low wage jobs.

This was 5 years ago, since then my life has gotten worse and worse, in the past 2 years I am losing my hairline though my hair is thick, have gained 5 stone and cannot get better since I get so much abuse in the street over things like weight, apperance, or that I am timid I am timid because I am depressed, depressed because I am stuck getting worse so wont get better unless I am treated better, vicious circle

I dont want to or intend to make excuses or anything or wallow in self pity I just want to feel somewhat ok or good about myself then increase that feeling to every part of my life to make it gradually better and better but am unable to due to the way I am treated.

I used to enjoy even the simple things in life like reading a book, watching a movie, and used to use weights a lot or go for a long walk for miles, now I have no morale or motivation though I still go for walks, they are random could be not at all for 2-3 months then 2-3 times in one week since the only way I can get a tiny bit of motivation is to actually do something so when I do it feels slightly normal, but the second I stop it unless a situation comes up again where I have to do it I wont.

Just confused to my own feeling right now and need some advice.

Dont say go to doctors btw, have tried various doctors at various surgeries in 4 towns around country where I have lived last few years who just seem indifferent and say just do some exercise or go for a walk to feel better.

If I told you that you could lose weight, get your confidence back and go on to become a world class martial artist and a successful writer or just anything that you put your mind to, would you believe me? a guy called Geoff Thompson did it, he was bullied at school and sexually abused as a kid. He was also overweight at one point. Visit his website, there's a link in my signature. If you sign up to the newsletter, you can download his autobiography 'Watch my back' for free. There are also free articles on his website which you can read, that give lots of advice on changing your life.

I have already tried, thats why I wrote it in opening post, doctors refuse medication and say waiting lists for councellors are 6 months at least, more like a year and they decide in the first appointment if you need more, and if you do its like 1 appointment every 2 months due to the waiting list again!

I have thought that various times, that I must be strong to get through everything I have, so the weight gain etc is just my way of coping, so I am just as much a "man" than someone who has petty problems but thinks I am not a man because I am timid and depressed as I have experienced real problems and not easy ones.

i was not saying your problems were easy ones, and i really really do hope that you are able to get help soon. some other tips are
. even though you may not feel like it go out with friends
. just live each day as its own and live it to the full.

Sorry I was talking in general, not about you personally as often online or the random time someone offline someone hears the problems I have they basically tell me to grow up, stop feeling sorry for myself often because I am not in the third world where people starve etc, or tell me to man up when the people telling me things like this has never had real issues in their lives and basically go by if I had no issues.

I have "no" friends btw, I have 1 housemate who is a lazy slob who washes about once a week, stinks the place out, litters the living room and kitchen to the point we have had bug infestations before and I spend loads of time cleaning up after him, he moans if I want to watch tv in my room claiming its too loud when its barely on at all(probably as our rooms are next to each other) and he steals my food daily then tells me as it was reduced price he just has to give me what it cost me not how much it costs to actually replace.

I have a friend I have known for 6 years but he works full time so I have seen him 3 times in 18 months despite living in same town,

I had a friend I knew since Feburary 2001 but fell out with him 7 months ago as he got back with his ex and he was complaining to be before he got back with her and telling me how bad she was, then after he got back together with her he accused me of saying nasty things about her!