Has anyone been travelling whilst in a relationship?

Hi,

I'd really appreciate some advice from people who have been in a similar situation, or know people that have...

I'm off travelling 1st Jan, for around 8 months. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and 4 months and had planned to do this before we got together... Now we're a lot more serious than we were when i first started planning it all and booked it, i'm really starting to feel down about what should be the best experience of my life....

We went through a really bad patch about 4 months ago where i felt like i didn't want to be with him anymore and everything was wrong, now i completely feel differently and it's like i don't want to ever be without him...

I don't want to cancel the trip but i'm gutted that this trip is being spoilt by thoughts of him cheating/finding someone else... I'm very excited about it but also dreading it at the same time... He says he won't cheat, will wait for me and would never find someone else but come on, i bet every person who HAS cheated has also promised that before they actually did cheat...

We live together currently and have done for about 10 months now....

Any advice would be greatly appreciated and rewarded with rep...xxxxx

Reply 1

tibbles209

14

I travelled around India a couple of years ago, although it was only for 2 months. It did sort of ruin the travelling experience for me because I missed my boyfriend terribly. We just talked on the phone every day and it was wonderful when I got to see him again. I'm not sure how easily it would work out if its for a full 8 months though =/ Good luck, sorry I can't be of more help.

Reply 2

cettefille_x

If you live together, it's a very serious relationship - no smart guy would throw that away! It's just a case of trust, try not to let it get you down. For what you should do when you travel, sometimes it's easier just to take a short break while you're away, maybe stay together in contact as a 'couple', and not be exclusive but put down some ground rules, say, no sex with anyone else? It's tacky, but if you really love him, let him go, if it's meant to be, he'll wait for you while you wait for him. x

Reply 3

username47781

20

If he really loves you, he won't throw this away. Stay in touch as best as possible but you can't turn down a trip of a life time.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by cettefille_x

If you live together, it's a very serious relationship - no smart guy would throw that away! It's just a case of trust, try not to let it get you down. For what you should do when you travel, sometimes it's easier just to take a short break while you're away, maybe stay together in contact as a 'couple', and not be exclusive but put down some ground rules, say, no sex with anyone else? It's tacky, but if you really love him, let him go, if it's meant to be, he'll wait for you while you wait for him. x

I really appreciate this post, thankyou. The part in bold especially... It's going to be hard but you're right, i can't force him to be faithful - if he wants it to work he will wait, if he doesn't, he wont and nothing i can do will change it.

Reply 5

username234673

17

I was meant to... we were going to go together... then we broke up but still went... I wouldn't recommend it.

As for you OP, GO TRAVELLING FOR GOD'S SAKE! Note story above. She'd got with a new guy before we went and she ended up going home after 2 months (12 month trip had been planned, I stayed of course) to be with him. Going home early is the biggest regret of her life...

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by Rock Fan

If he really loves you, he won't throw this away. Stay in touch as best as possible but you can't turn down a trip of a life time.

Exactly. I get all sorts of looks from girls who are like 'oh, well why don't you just cancel the trip and stay with your boyfriend?' and i feel so giulty for not doing it! :s-smilie:

Reply 7

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by mikeyd85

I was meant to... we were going to go together... then we broke up but still went... I wouldn't recommend it.

As for you OP, GO TRAVELLING FOR GOD'S SAKE! Note story above. She'd got with a new guy before we went and she ended up going home after 2 months (12 month trip had been planned, I stayed of course) to be with him. Going home early is the biggest regret of her life...

This doesn't make sense...

Reply 8

L'Amour Toujours

13

Couldn't the pair of you go together if you really don't want to be without him for the duration of your trip? If not, I still wouldn't cancel if I was you OP - you could end up having the time of your life, even if your boyfriend's not gonna be there with you. Keep in touch with him regularly and have a fantastic time! If he loves you, he'll be there waiting when you get home. :redface:

Reply 9

cettefille_x

Original post by Anonymous

I really appreciate this post, thankyou. The part in bold especially... It's going to be hard but you're right, i can't force him to be faithful - if he wants it to work he will wait, if he doesn't, he wont and nothing i can do will change it.

It's just a simple artist's point of view :smile:

I'm a firm believer in what's meant to be will be, and at the end of the day, you just have to have the trust in him. You're strong, and your relationship seems to be too. You'll be okay :smile:

and if he's really worth it, he'll wait for you. x

Reply 10

doodle7

11

Yeah maybe consider being non exclusive, but setting ground rules. 8 months will fly to be honest, and if he really does love you he will eagerly await your return.
Has he considered coming over to you for a couple of weeks in summer or whenever he can? It would break the time up quite nicely.
I don't know where you plan on going but keeping in contact everyday might be difficult, so don't make any promises to him. Maybe send him a postcard from every new place you visit? Or a souvenir that you think he might like? Then everytime he receives something it will put you at the front of his mind and steer him clear of anyone else! (Sneaky little tactic, though I'm sure he won't stray anyway). Just trust him :smile:

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by L'Amour Toujours

Couldn't the pair of you go together if you really don't want to be without him for the duration of your trip? If not, I still wouldn't cancel if I was you OP - you could end up having the time of your life, even if your boyfriend's not gonna be there with you. Keep in touch with him regularly and have a fantastic time! If he loves you, he'll be there waiting when you get home. :redface:

Thankyou for your post :smile:

Unfortunately he can't because of his career :frown:

I'm not going to cancel, i'm just gonna miss him a lot i guess :frown:

Reply 12

jeh_jeh

2

Original post by Anonymous

This doesn't make sense...

How? I think he meant that he planned to go travelling with his girlfriend, but they broke up and still went anyway. The ex had found a new boyfriend before they left and she went home after two months because she missed him, and not staying on for the full year is now the biggest regret of her life.

I'd say go, honestly. If he's the sort of guy who'd cheat on you, then he's gonna do it whether you go travelling or not. Sure, you're gonna miss him like crazy (I lived in Italy for a year and missed my boy like mad) but you can't let that stop you doing the stuff you want to do in life. Besides, if he loves you as much as you say he'll be there for you when you get back. :smile:

Reply 13

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by doodle7

Yeah maybe consider being non exclusive, but setting ground rules. 8 months will fly to be honest, and if he really does love you he will eagerly await your return.
Has he considered coming over to you for a couple of weeks in summer or whenever he can? It would break the time up quite nicely.
I don't know where you plan on going but keeping in contact everyday might be difficult, so don't make any promises to him. Maybe send him a postcard from every new place you visit? Or a souvenir that you think he might like? Then everytime he receives something it will put you at the front of his mind and steer him clear of anyone else! (Sneaky little tactic, though I'm sure he won't stray anyway). Just trust him :smile:

I don't think us being 'non exclusive' will ease his mind about me being away and nor will it mine.. Yeah, i very much doubt we can keep in touch every day but certainly every week or so, it's probably cheaper to use internet cafes!

I'm going to write him a nice long letter which i don't want him to open until he's feeling low - good idea? :smile:

Reply 14

L'Amour Toujours

13

Original post by Anonymous

Thankyou for your post :smile:

Unfortunately he can't because of his career :frown:

I'm not going to cancel, i'm just gonna miss him a lot i guess :frown:

Aw, that's a shame. :console:

Have you told your boyfriend how this is making you feel in any great detail? Because I'm sure he's probably just as upset at the idea of you leaving as you are. Still, have a great time when you go away OP - I bet it'll be amazing. :smile:

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by jeh_jeh

How? I think he meant that he planned to go travelling with his girlfriend, but they broke up and still went anyway. The ex had found a new boyfriend before they left and she went home after two months because she missed him, and not staying on for the full year is now the biggest regret of her life.

I'd say go, honestly. If he's the sort of guy who'd cheat on you, then he's gonna do it whether you go travelling or not. Sure, you're gonna miss him like crazy (I lived in Italy for a year and missed my boy like mad) but you can't let that stop you doing the stuff you want to do in life. Besides, if he loves you as much as you say he'll be there for you when you get back. :smile:

The part in bold is exactly what my mum said. If someone is going to cheat they're going to do it anyway, somewhere along the line..

Thankyou for your advice :smile:

I really do hope he doesn't throw what we have away but i know what guys can be like when they're out in town and a nice girl is throwing themselves at him... :/ Still, i need to be strong.

Reply 16

Neil_K

15

Original post by Anonymous

Hi,

I'd really appreciate some advice from people who have been in a similar situation, or know people that have...

I'm off travelling 1st Jan, for around 8 months. I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and 4 months and had planned to do this before we got together... Now we're a lot more serious than we were when i first started planning it all and booked it, i'm really starting to feel down about what should be the best experience of my life....

We went through a really bad patch about 4 months ago where i felt like i didn't want to be with him anymore and everything was wrong, now i completely feel differently and it's like i don't want to ever be without him...

I don't want to cancel the trip but i'm gutted that this trip is being spoilt by thoughts of him cheating/finding someone else... I'm very excited about it but also dreading it at the same time... He says he won't cheat, will wait for me and would never find someone else but come on, i bet every person who HAS cheated has also promised that before they actually did cheat...

We live together currently and have done for about 10 months now....

Any advice would be greatly appreciated and rewarded with rep...xxxxx

Keep your relationship open instead of monogamous, then. Come on, let's get real here....you can't expect a guy not to have sex or do anything with anyone else for 8 months.

Trying to keep this relationship as monogamous is the ****ing stupidest thing in the world. Monogamous relationships only work if you both live near each other....LDRs don't work, and it's ****ing unreaslistic to expect your bf not to see anyone else if you just buggar off for 8 months. You don't own him, and he doesn't own you.

And what's to say you wont want sex etc with other guys while travelling?

The very fact you're going travelling proves your relationship isn't your number 1 priority, so it's probably time to break up or at least take a break from each other for 8 months.....let your bf see who he wants during that period, and give yourself permission to see other guys during this period.

People change and grow in life....maybe after the 8 months is up, you will have 'outgrown' your bf. Travelling really expands a person's perspective on life, and you probably won't want to go back to your stale relationship after having your experience of life expanded.

To me, it just seems like you're trying to cling onto something that is past it's sell by date. Go out and live and experience life. Get some life experience, figure out who you are and what you want out of life. THEN worry about having serious relationships. It just cracks me up when people lock themselves into 'serious monogamous relationships' when they're so young and haven't even experienced life yet. It is just plain ridiculous.

You have to choose which fork in the road you are going to take....a monogamous relationship OR the travelling. They are 2 different roads. They cannot work together. You cannot go down 2 roads simultaneously, which is basically what you're trying to do. But it's not reality.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 17

doodle7

11

Original post by Anonymous

I'm going to write him a nice long letter which i don't want him to open until he's feeling low - good idea? :smile:

Yeah that's a very sweet idea :smile:

Try not to let missing/ worrying about him ruin your experience travelling. After all, what's 8 months when you have the rest of your lives together? :smile:

Reply 18

missygeorgia

18

I got with my boyfriend like a week before I went travelling for 4 months. It was really, really difficult, and even though I have great memories and had great experiences I spent the whole time wanting to go home and be with him.

However, that was probably because we'd JUST got together, and just wanted to be together 24/7. If I went now (we've been together almost 18 months) it would be a lot easier.

I'm in the same sort of position really. I really want to travel but my boyfriend doesn't, and we're pretty long term. It's really worrying me to be honest, I feel like either way there's a massive sacrifice.

Reply 19

Chelle-belle

13

See if you can get internet access there, and an international calling plan, and yes write letters. Just keep in contact imo.

I doubt he will let you go since you said it's serious and we know you won't really let him go either, so in terms of whether or not it will ruin your relationship, I doubt it. But if he didn't wait for you then you know he probably wasn't as right for you as you thought anyway :yep:

Good luck, I hope it goes well and you end up choosing something you're happy with. I sympathise because you planned the trip before you got with him :frown:

Has anyone been travelling whilst in a relationship?

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