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Annihilation of confidence/ panicking

So, I had a university interview the other day. It went monumentally, historically, tremendously badly. Every time I was asked a question that I was perfectly capable of answering, and would've been able to answer if just given it on a piece of paper and locked in a room alone, my general thoughts were along the lines of "**** **** **** **** I NEED TO COME UP WITH AN ANSWER SOON OTHERWISE I'LL LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT AND GET REJECTED", rapidly followed by "**** **** **** I NEED TO STOP THINKING "**** **** **** **** I NEED TO COME UP WITH AN ANSWER SOON OTHERWISE I'LL LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT AND GET REJECTED" SOON OTHERWISE I'LL GET REJECTED", ad infinitum, until I was put out of my misery. Which, was rather frustrating, given that I'd put a lot of preparation into this, and I'd rather undeservedly come across as a complete moron. Firstly, I seem quite unable to let this go, even though clearly there's not a lot I can do about it now, and am just sitting around moping and feeling sorry for myself, and so I'd rather like some advice on how to just get over it.
Secondly, I have an interview at Oxford in a week and a bit. Now, in the intermediate time, I'm feeling a bit ****ty, because I'm pretty sure preparation will be futile because of how little it's helped elsewhere, but, of course, when I do anything other than prepare, I just get more and more nervous, and can't see the point in it - but when I try and prepare, I just start thinking "This is so ****ing pointless, this isn't going to help", and so don't get anywhere with that. And, of course, I'm also just consumed by a general feeling of dread, because I get the feeling that, whatever happens, the same panic that overcame me before will just resurface, and as such my confidence in my ability is at an all time low, which doesn't really help, because that just gets into a cycle of gradually getting a worse and worse outlook on things.
tl; dr: I'm a ****, I panic a lot, then obsess too much about how badly I panic/ how badly I'm going to panic. How do I calm myself down/ get a bit of confidence back?

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Anybody?

Imagine how it would go if you went in as a confident intelligent casual you?

Reply 3

Anonymous #1

Original post by Nashy19

Imagine how it would go if you went in as a confident intelligent casual you?

Well, excellently. But, I also imagine lots scoring the most beautiful volley ever in the World Cup final, and copulating with all sorts of attractive women, and both of those are yet to happen, so....

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Though, actually, since my cock-up of the other interview, thinking this will go positively has become harder and harder, as the previous imaginations of "Well, if they ask me this, then I'll say that", have been replaced by "Well, if they ask me this, then I should say that, but in reality I'll just crack, and mumble a bit, and come up with some sort of pathetic excuse for an answer".

Bump

Unfortunately there isn't a simple solution. As Nike says: ''just do it'' - there's nothing else you can do. I've been like that al my life in interviews - I've always felt the way you have described when leaving the interview room. Some jobs I got, some I didn't - it's hit and miss and has a lot to do with how you're feeling on the day (I'm sure interviewers take it into consideration).
This always helps me to calm down a little bit: "One of the symptons of approaching a nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important". In other words - put it into perspective, it's just a conversation between you and a couple of other people and it'll will be over before you know it. Yes, you want to do well but obsessing over it won't change anything. You're in a good situation, make the most of it and just do it.
Maybe have a nice cup of tea and breath deep too - let go of all of the negativity from you're last interview, it's over now.

Reply 7

Lord Nice

A good **** is great for your confidence :tongue:

Reply 8

jolteon

i objectify to the use of the term "annihilation" in this conterxt.

Reply 9

Anonymous #1

Original post by Lord Nice

A good **** is great for your confidence :tongue:

There are three different possibilities there. One of them isn't really possible in a week, I haven't noticed any particular effects of another, and I'll try and increase my rate of the third :wink:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by liv09

This always helps me to calm down a little bit: "One of the symptons of approaching a nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important". In other words - put it into perspective, it's just a conversation between you and a couple of other people and it'll will be over before you know it. Yes, you want to do well but obsessing over it won't change anything. You're in a good situation, make the most of it and just do it.
Maybe have a nice cup of tea and breath deep too - let go of all of the negativity from you're last interview, it's over now.

I know, but I just can't put it into perspective, because, at the end of the day, it'll be one of the most important half hours in my life thus far, and I just fear that, if I try to downplay it to myself, that I'll just end up not taking it seriously enough, because, at the one I cocked up, I do feel a bit like I sort of sleepwalked/ drifted through it.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

Any more advice? I just really need to get my confidence back :frown:

Reply 12

Debris

Look it can happen. But at the end of the day you have to back yourself because no else will. Be confident of your own ability and then others will be confident in you. Easier said then done of course but you have to objectively answer the question when asked instead of looking at the big picture (i.e. OMG I'm in an interview...if I say this, then they will think this...etc) This sort of approach will muddle your thinking and it will come out so making you look unsure and hesitant.

Reply 13

specialk_698

you need to get over your anxiety, try breathing exercises and also smile!

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by Debris

Look it can happen. But at the end of the day you have to back yourself because no else will. Be confident of your own ability and then others will be confident in you.

That's the thing though; I don't have any confidence left! Whatever I try and think, I only seem capable of envisaging it going badly.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

Please? I've got a week to get some confidence back :frown:

Reply 16

fh2010

Work really hard to make up for it, thats what I do. It motivates me to work obsessively hard.

Reply 17

Speedy03

You've got an interview for Oxford, that makes you pretty special. Just think about that, and don't think about the potential ramifications of success/failure, just be yourself and give a good account of yourself.

Reply 18

Anonymous #1

Original post by fh2010

Work really hard to make up for it, thats what I do. It motivates me to work obsessively hard.

But that isn't the problem. I know all the A Level syllabus for my course inside out, as well as the books I've read, so there's no useful way I can work hard to help me here.

Reply 19

fh2010

Original post by Anonymous

But that isn't the problem. I know all the A Level syllabus for my course inside out, as well as the books I've read, so there's no useful way I can work hard to help me here.

Like, I understand totally what you're saying, I just think you misunderstand what I'm saying. You might know your stuff inside out...and do 60% less well than you should through reacting badly to the pressure. I've not found a way round the nerves, so I learn the stuff even better...and then even better than that...by a kind of insane work strategy you then get to the point where even doing less well than you should everything is alright.

Maybe its not for everyone