I feel discriminated against because of my race.

I went out tonight to a social at my university. And not for the first time, i get rejected by a load of girls most of whom i wasn't even trying to do anything with. It's subtle, but i can feel the racism they have and especially the prejudices they hold against me.

I'm not a abnormal guy physically by any means. I was the same height as most of the guys there, lookswise i was better than a lot of the guys who got girls, i go to the gym regularly, everything else is perfectly fine.

This is what makes me wonder, i hold the same energy levels as the guy sitting next to me when a girl came over for a conversation. Yet, she keeps eye contact with him 90% of the time. And also, she initiates getting his phone number later. Now, this guy is no looker, he is only a bit taller than me too. So physically, it was pretty even.
I don't know what i did wrong tbh, because these girls who i didn't know (no one knew each other) looked at me like i was not worth anything... and that gets to my head. That i have nothing wrong with me , but there IS something wrong.

Now, maybe i have the wrong end of the stick. Maybe i just suck with women, but there is a big feeling that they dislike me because of my race (i'm Chinese by ethnicity, Northern origins). I got groped in the balls by some lesbian (as did a mate) but i didn't know if that was just banter. I just don't know and i hate this.
It hurts everytime i go out (i don't go out much because this always happens) and especially when i think about the girl i was in love with who was mixed race Chinese who wanted nothing to do with me because she only hung around white people (her words, i got her to admit it).

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Reply 1

Anonymous #1

Bump.

P.s. what struck me was how ****ing racist i can sense a lot of girls were when they had a couple of drinks. . . quite disturbing really.

Reply 2

ipulledhermione

Hmmm that sounds awful :console:

I wish i had some decent words of advice but i don't because - because Chinese and oriental guys in general are the ones i'm more attracted to than any other race :s-smilie:

they seem to exude perfection :blush:

which is why i cannot understand or offer any advice on your situation.

I know some people might just dissmiss your claims but i can see where you are coming from. There are so many good looking, sexy, irresistable chinese men put there and i wonder why the fcuk are they not getting jumped with attention. I seem to be the only one in my friendship group that fully appreciated just how hot they are :dontknow:

Sorry for the crappy advice, i hope it all works out for you. Try relying less on looks and exhibit your persona more? Girls do fall for guys based on more than looks, let them see that.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 3

xlouisedoll

There was a thread that kind of relates to this yesterday - about finding people of a different race attractive or not attractive, and whether it is "racist".

It sounds awful, but alot of people don't date people of a different race to themselves. Simply because they aren't attracted to them. It doesn't make them racist, it just means that they aren't attracted to people of other races.

Reply 4

Margaret Thatcher

Sorry, but people can't be politically correct in who they are attracted to.

Reply 5

lawology

Original post by ipulledhermione

Hmmm that sounds awful :console:

I wish i had some decent words of advice but i don't because - because Chinese and oriental guys in general are the ones i'm more attracted to than any other race :s-smilie:

they seem to exude perfection :blush:

which is why i cannot understand or offer any advice on your situation.

I know some people might just dissmiss your claims but i can see where you are coming from. There are so many good looking, sexy, irresistable chinese men put there and i wonder why the fcuk are they not getting raped. I seem to be the only one in my friendship group that fully appreciated just how hot they are :dontknow:

Sorry for the crappy advice, i hope it all works out for you. Try relying less on looks and exhibit your persona more? Girls do fall for guys based on more than looks, let them see that.

don't say that. not even as a joke.

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Margaret Thatcher

Sorry, but people can't be politically correct in who they are attracted to.

Yes, i know that. That is why i don't go out much. But objectively, i know i'm a lot better looking than most of the guys there lol (high cheekbones, defined jawline, v-shaped body). And physically stronger/decent height. So i was rightfully pissed off.

But this point about political correctness not regarding the nightlife scene. . . it implies the natives here really do try to hold their tongues in day to day life. And i can see that face of things come out when people lose their facades with alcohol.

Reply 7

Abbadon27

Original post by Anonymous

Being attracted or not attracted to someone because of their race is not racism. If people aren't attracted to a set of features its not their fault.

Reply 8

Death.

It's to be expected. In a country where the majority are white, prejudice will occur against other races.

It isn't convenient, but it is human nature and a reality.

Whereabouts the country do you live anyway? In diverse areas in the South-East of England, around London etc... this type of prejudice would probably not even exist.

Reply 9

Lord Nice

I sympathise man. I'm often discriminated against because of my massive member.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

ok , i didn't make myself clear. What i was really annoyed about was what i could see which was pure dislike for me for some odd reason. Bordering on hatred. I wasn't fussed that they weren't attracted to me on that night in the grand scheme of things because i never go out precisely for this reason. What i was annoyed about was that feeling that they disliked me BECAUSE of my skin, dislike, as in not related to attraction.

Reply 11

headphones

Normally when i see asian people they are usually in large groups with asain people. Most people from asia want to be with asain people.

TS don't shoot me down because i am not stereotyping or being racist i am basing it on what i see everyday.

Reply 12

ipulledhermione

Original post by lawology

don't say that. not even as a joke.

Bad phrase, i meant as in girls not being all over them :s-smilie:

Sorry.

Reply 13

xoxAngel_Kxox

Original post by Margaret Thatcher

Sorry, but people can't be politically correct in who they are attracted to.

This.
I've only ever been attracted to men of my race to date. Obviously I don't know if that's just because I've never met a good looking man of another race, because you can't just find everyone attractive can you..

Reply 14

mummyperson

This is sad and difficult. You may be being discriminated against, but the main question is how are you going to respond and act because you may not be able to change other people and discrimination could get you seriously down in the short medium and long term.
Firstly I think you are right to bring it up- you are not being paranoid or potty ; this non verbal discrimination is probably happening.
Secondly keep up your own self esteem and pleasant nature and approach. That way you don't give people any excuse for their behaviour.
Keep in touch with your own culture and people- they will have similar concerns and stop you going mad.
Join some societies unrelated to ethnicity but related to your academic/extracurricular interests. Girls are attracted to boys with whom they have a common interest.
Save up for a visit back to the home country;minimum every two years if possible : it can be restoring and also reinforces one of your great strengths- which is your ethnicity.
Dont let other people ruin your personality and confidence

Reply 15

linkdapink

I really don't know what to say to this! At first I was going to say "people can't help who they're attracted to" but it seems deeper than that from what you have said. I'm guessing you're probably a normal guy who isn't creepy, or pervy, and just genuinely alright, so these strangers have no reason to act how they are.

I wouldn't know what to say other than clubs probably aren't a great place to meet women? I know that's not what you're getting at... but I'm seriously lost for words. Sorry :frown:

Reply 16

mummyperson

Original post by Margaret Thatcher

Sorry, but people can't be politically correct in who they are attracted to.

MT - no, but they can be polite and well mannered at least- OP describes being ignored during conversations and - when said girls are drunk- hearing racist comments.

Reply 17

Arenas123

Original post by Anonymous

Hate to say it but are you sure it's not something you're doing ?

I'm not saying racism still isn't alive but I think if you hang around with the more educated people of our age (assuming you're 18-25) then you don't get much at all. Maybe I'm biased because London is very multicultural place but still.

I went to a private school (this is only relevant because even though my parents are both doctors, this school was 90% white people who were mostly much richer than me. I'm talking about 18 year olds with bentleys rich and that was the ''competition'') and at this school there was a group of 5 girls who were literally known as the gorgeous group of girls by our year and the years above and below. I've been going out with one of these girls for 16 months and another girl in the group is going out with an oriental guy like you.

He may be the exception to the rule but he's the only oriental guy I know well. Actually a girl I have an facebook who's one of those girls they pay to go around clubs in very little clothing (not my type but still she's hot) is going out with an oriental guy.

I'm indian asian btw and I know many guys of my race that get gorgeous girls of every race. I used to play basketball with an indian guy who was 6''3 funny, charming, mysterious, very well dressed etc. and he was extremely good with girls. In fact he was envied by every other guy on the team for the girls he got. He told me once that a few girls he'd been with had said the words ''before meeting you I would never consider being with an asian guy''.

Sorry for the rant but the point I'm trying to make is that you should try and improve yourself. So even if there is racism be the exception to the rule. Maybe you need to try meeting other girls because I'm sorry but from what I've seen in my life even if you only like white girls (not saying you do) then them being racist is a rubbish excuse for not having a girl. You need to put yourself out there, maybe go to some socs at university that would allow a girl to get to know you first ? If like you say you are not bad looking, if you put yourself out there you will find a girl.