I'm soo boring. No one likes me. I feel so alone.
It's like i don't know how to interact with people, i freeze, can't be myself. I hung around with my room mates for the first while, and i went out with them clubbing, but i'm not really a clubbing person. I'm insecure about how i look and don't have the proper going out clothes. I'm too embarrassed for people to know this so make excuses. They have stopped inviting me out as much, and when they do it's out of pity or politeness, and i would feel awkward tagging along. Girls bond so easily with each other, and i can't do that. I've never been very touchy feely (maybe when i was younger before i grew so intensly shy) and although i am friendly, polite and nice to people, the distance helps them not to get to know me. they will eventually figure out how boring i am, and that i dont have many friends, and how weird i am. i did have a girl i kindof knew from my hometown, but then she found another friend, and even said "we are too dependent on each other, we need some time apart." and now she spends every available time with her new friend. and only texts to meet up when her friend is too busy for her.
People off my course already have their cliques. they all sit together, and although i have swapped names with a few and had light conversation, the conversation wears out, and i realise i have nothing else to say, and they realise how boring i actually am. they have come to this university with their friends from school. no one from my school came here. i walk everywhere on my own. i have hour breaks inbetween a busy lecture schedule on mondays... i havent a clue what to do with myself, so walk around random places trying to look busy, or hide in the toilet, while everyone else can go get food or have a coffee with their friends. i spent a whole day once without talking to a single person... except to say thanks at the shop, and hello to my roomates (who i often sit in with to watch tv to try and make some sort of an effort). It was almost painful, being this quiet, being this lonely, only thinking about stuff. I almost wonder if university is worth it sometimes. sure it's to get an education, but i feel like i'm wasting my years being unhappy with no motivation to work. plus the degree is english. i really could be wasting my years perhaps. i go home every weekend (like most do here) and dread going back. help