friends who get bf/gf and then 'ditch' you

anyone else have this?

a friend of mine I used to spend a lot of time with, say call on phone for 30-60 mins a day, meet 1-4 times a week to go hang for a few hours

now I haven't spoken to her on phone for over a month and not met for 3 months because she's busy with the boyfriend

it's really annoying how much of a priority her boyfriend gets

not much I can do is there besides find another friend?

Reply 1

jumpingjesusholycow

18

Whilst I can see how many friendships are strained as a result of new relationships that then divide the attention of one friend may be undesirable, part and parcel of being a mature adult is being able to respect other people's choices and decisions. She has a right to seek out her own happiness and make her own choices and you should respect that. Of course, there is a meaning to the word 'friend', but if you're her friend, then you should be able to see that she has no formal obligation to and that you ought to respect her right to make her own choices.

I know it sucks, but just wait it out. Most likely, they will break up and all will return to normal within a few months. Refrain from getting involved in gossip and resentment and be happy that your friend is happy.

Reply 2

aws

OP

Original post by jumpingjesusholycow

Whilst I can see how many friendships are strained as a result of new relationships that then divide the attention of one friend may be undesirable, part and parcel of being a mature adult is being able to respect other people's choices and decisions. She has a right to seek out her own happiness and make her own choices and you should respect that. Of course, there is a meaning to the word 'friend', but if you're her friend, then you should be able to see that she has no formal obligation to and that you ought to respect her right to make her own choices.

I know it sucks, but just wait it out. Most likely, they will break up and all will return to normal within a few months. Refrain from getting involved in gossip and resentment and be happy that your friend is happy.

well aren't you just a hoot

Reply 3

lonely14

15

Yep it happens, I'm afraid.

Wait till she has a one of her tiffs ( :teehee:

) with her boyfriend, she will be running after you to cry on your shoulder. :yes:

When my friend had a girlfriend, he never actually abandoned me like that, though he did spent much less time with me.

Anyway they broke up last year, so.... :h:

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 4

jumpingjesusholycow

18

Original post by aws

well aren't you just a hoot

I may not be a hoot according to you, but at least I'm not whinging on a forum about how my friend has other people to spend time with.

Reply 5

Ladipidoo

14

Original post by jumpingjesusholycow

Whilst I can see how many friendships are strained as a result of new relationships that then divide the attention of one friend may be undesirable, part and parcel of being a mature adult is being able to respect other people's choices and decisions. She has a right to seek out her own happiness and make her own choices and you should respect that. Of course, there is a meaning to the word 'friend', but if you're her friend, then you should be able to see that she has no formal obligation to and that you ought to respect her right to make her own choices.

I know it sucks, but just wait it out. Most likely, they will break up and all will return to normal within a few months. Refrain from getting involved in gossip and resentment and be happy that your friend is happy.

She's not met up with her friend in 3 months. How is that reasonable? I've got 1 or 2 "friends" who are like that and I won't lie... they piss me off - and they know it. The thing with them is that when they break up with their other half, they'll come to you for comfort and spend more time with you than before, and once they find someone else, the same things occurs. The funny this is, they also complain about other people ditching their friends because of their new relationship. Hypocrite much? I understand that once a person gets a bf/gf they'll have less hours to spend with you and it's harder to split the time...but not meeting up in 3-6 months, seriously? There's a difference between spending less time with your friends and not spending any at all, and I'd class the situation as latter.
And regarding the "formal obligation" bit... why is it suddenly alright for the friend to not keep in proper touch just because she's got a bf? "She has a right to seek out her own happiness and make her own choices" lol wtf? Yeah, she has all the right in the world, but ****ing off her mates isn't exactly going to entail happiness once the relationship has gone down the drain. She may be in love and wants to spend as much time with him as possible, but neglecting mates because of this isn't exactly a recipe for success.
I guess it's understandable if this happens once, but after a while it's just a piss take and the friend really should know better.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 6

aws

OP

Original post by jumpingjesusholycow

I may not be a hoot according to you, but at least I'm not whinging on a forum about how my friend has other people to spend time with.

it was just a light-hearted remark to your seriousness (I guess not used to that here)

anyway, the poster above seems to have given a good response.

you even mentioned at the end "oh wait until it's over" so what I'm her back-up is all else fails and what do I get in return?

I mean if she was busy, etc .. I would understand, but she isn't. let's say for example

she has 20 free days in a given period, she will probably spend 18 with her bf and 2 with her sister

it's like, the other two have said it's only when 'something bad' happens they suddenly remember they have friends.

Reply 7

Bountie

Original post by aws

anyone else have this?

a friend of mine I used to spend a lot of time with, say call on phone for 30-60 mins a day, meet 1-4 times a week to go hang for a few hours

now I haven't spoken to her on phone for over a month and not met for 3 months because she's busy with the boyfriend

it's really annoying how much of a priority her boyfriend gets

not much I can do is there besides find another friend?

My mate got into a relationship and he ditched all his friends, one year later the girl dumped him.

Now he has no friends and no girlfriend. True story.

Moral?Friends come and go,if they cant be arsed to spend time with you then why should you?

Reply 8

trooper6

6

Original post by aws

anyone else have this?

Yes, I'm afraid everyone goes through this.

Original post by jumpingjesusholycow

Whilst I can see how many friendships are strained as a result of new relationships that then divide the attention of one friend may be undesirable, part and parcel of being a mature adult is being able to respect other people's choices and decisions. She has a right to seek out her own happiness and make her own choices and you should respect that. Of course, there is a meaning to the word 'friend', but if you're her friend, then you should be able to see that she has no formal obligation to and that you ought to respect her right to make her own choices.

I know it sucks, but just wait it out. Most likely, they will break up and all will return to normal within a few months. Refrain from getting involved in gossip and resentment and be happy that your friend is happy.

This! (Great name btw)

If someone gets into a relationship and doesn’t become their partners ‘best friend’ then the term ‘relationship’ is simply a cover for ‘fwb’.

Ten years from now it’s likely that most of your friends will be married and raising families. That is how life works; we move on as we mature and develop new friends as we adapt to our changing social, family, work environments etc.

Best Wishes

Reply 9

kristinaalovesu

15

Yep.
Actually all of my friends who now has bfs/gfs barely talk/chat to me at all since they are busy with their love life.
Im always here for them no matter what anyways. :h:

Reply 10

AnHuman

7

I am one of those people... I basically got so gf-obsessed I forgot about my friends, I do regret.

Reply 11

jumpingjesusholycow

18

Original post by aws

it was just a light-hearted remark to your seriousness (I guess not used to that here)

anyway, the poster above seems to have given a good response.

you even mentioned at the end "oh wait until it's over" so what I'm her back-up is all else fails and what do I get in return?

I mean if she was busy, etc .. I would understand, but she isn't. let's say for example

she has 20 free days in a given period, she will probably spend 18 with her bf and 2 with her sister

it's like, the other two have said it's only when 'something bad' happens they suddenly remember they have friends.

Then deal with the fact that she doesn't wish to spend time with you. Grow up, find a hobby, and be happy that your friend has got a boyfriend, and is making th choices that'll make her happy. If she doesn't want to talk to you, then that's that.

friends who get bf/gf and then 'ditch' you

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