Drawn the short straw in life :(

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I am the middle of three sons and am very much introverted. While I do think I 'suffer' from middle-child syndrome to an extent, I don't dwell on it or blame it for any problems. However, the eldest son dropped out of school without any qualifications during the very beginning of secondary school, and as a very shy person I had to deal with endless questions from the intimidating older kids on a daily basis and hated it. It was the last thing I needed on top of having virtually no friends and hating the whole scenario.

Anyway, after this he has never had a job and has sat at home all night watching tv and sleeping all day. It is no exaggeration when I say he goes to bed at 6 am (when I got up for school, or used to - I've left now with A Levels) and wakes at 5pm when I get home. He behaves like a 5 year old in mentality and behaviour. I used to be fun and upbeat, but I and people around me have noticed a marked change in me and I have become deadly serious. I have never been to a party though choice, I never socialise, never smoked, don't drink, never had sex, or even kissed anyone. I literally haven't lived my life. This is because I feel it's my job to 'save the family' so to speak. I remember at family get togethers people commenting on me saying "he won't let you down" with regard to my eldest brother, and it feels like it's my duty. I don't think I really wanted to do A Levels- I'm not an academic although I managed to scrape together two Bs (narrowly missed out on As) I don't want to go to university, but I feel as though it's almost a duty, despite the fact it will be hell for me.

The academia combined with the stereotypical student lifestyle is the complete antithesis of everything I am, and I'll hate it. I feel rather resentful that I have had the worst of the middle child syndrome, and now I'm getting all the responsibility of the eldest, but without any of the recognition or 'perks'. I really have drawn the short straw in life. He lives an easy life of doing as he wants, bossing our mother around not earning a penny nor contributing one to the household despite the fact he runs up all the bills, in particular electricity with TV, lights, computer on all night.

This is also against a background of a younger brother who is a sporting 'star'. He is the baby and gets away murder. One cough and he's in A & E, whereas I travelled to school (30 miles) when having flu in the past. Not that I complain, that's just how I am. He is everything I wasn't; popular, sporty, a son you'd be proud of. It's even at the stage where blood relatives have sent christmas cards addressed to my parents, brothers and then, to rub salt into the wound, added "and" before leaving my name off.

The point of this is to ask whether you think my situation is pitiable, and for advice.

Sparknotes: Middle child with middle child syndrome - waster brother who has 'delegated' eldest's responsibilities and duties onto me. I've got short straw - crap life, miserable, going nowhere. Just here to make up the numbers and provide the family with something so they can keep up with the joneses. I hate who I have transformed into. I am very Victorian, no sex, no smoking, no drinking, never even kissed anyone - haven't lived my life because I have to behave and do family proud. Am I just destined to serve others and be miserable my whole life and never live life?

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Reply 1

Broderss

you probably need to be more assertive, or more driven or more charismatic or something. didn't really read but building on these qualities is good in any case.

Reply 2

Blueflare

What exactly is stopping you from living your life? Have your parents actually told you not to do that stuff, or have you just imagined it yourself?
If you don't want to go to Uni then don't go. Figure out something you do want to do, and go out and do it.
I really don't get what the problem is.

Reply 3

as_94

I'm 16, I have a tiny head, I'm very short, I'm about 7 stone. I have loads of acne, I'm heavily bullied in school.

I really don't give a crap, your life is fine :smile:

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

Original post by as_94

I'm 16, I have a tiny head, I'm very short, I'm about 7 stone. I have loads of acne, I'm heavily bullied in school.

I really don't give a crap, your life is fine :smile:

I was all of that with the addition of a confidence crippling big nose. Yet I'm 19, and still weigh that much with spots.

Reply 5

KingofSpades

I wouldn't think you pitiable, as you have the ability to change, but you are too much of a hypochondriac to change

Reply 6

Banburyhammer

I dont think the youngest is the problem. Any time the eldest rags on you for anything, turn around and bitchslap him with his up to now absolute joke behaviour.

Reply 7

Zero 1

buck up a little and deal with it! so you got a bad hand and it isn't easy, suck it up and make it work for you, you have to push yourself and make things happen. stop trying to live up to everyone's expectations, they are irrelevant, live your life, decide what you want to be and go be it, none of this "its not what they want" nonsense. if you don't want to go to university don't go, go get a job or apprenticeship or something. what are these so called "eldest's responsibilities" you seem to believe you have wrongfully inherited? ignore all this family values crap and do what you need to do.

Reply 8

rachelll=)

You drew the 'short straw' in life? So you live in a third world country, with no access to clean water, no money and barely any food?

Ok your life may not be perfect, but you defiantly did not draw the 'short straw'.

Reply 9

F1Addict

You clearly have no idea of what the people who have drawn the short straw in life are like. Think of the people who were born deaf and/or blind, or with some medical condition/disability that stops them living normally, or people who were born normally, but suffered in their early lives to violence, famine, dehydration, disease, etc.

Seriously, there are people with a 1000x worse problems than you have. Get a grip, and sort yourself out. =/

Reply 10

Dirac Delta Function

Original post by Anonymous

I pity your brothers more than I pity you. I think you should develop a plan for how to move forward. The situation you're in is giving you a foundation for being productive and responsible - something your brothers don't seem to be getting. Be proactive about changing your situation.

Reply 11

Anonymous #1

I'm on Job Seekers' Allowance and have applied to 40 + jobs that I am more than qualified for, and have had one unsuccessful interview. Going to University isn't as simple as it is for others either; I need to get two more A Levels via distance learning (and get As in them to stand a chance at a decent University) in the next 18 months or less, at a cost of £800. I have about 70p in the bank.

Reply 12

F1Addict

Original post by rachelll=)

Thats what i thought too. Except you posted a few seconds before me. :P

Reply 13

Cheshire_Cat

Screw your family and live your life the way you want to.

Reply 14

BadaBingBadaBoom

Yes, I do think you're situation is horrible.

Personally, whenever I feel life's been hard or somethings unfair.
I just think S**** it, this is how it is, I can't change what's been, but I can always try make the future better.

I use hindsight as a driving force, best keep moving forward and try make life better somehow than sitting and worrying about something I or anyone else can ever change.

As long as I keep trying I can never say to myself I didn't try hard and thats why its still as bad or thats why its worse.

Another thing I like doing is thinking about someone who's not as priveliged as me.

I'll leave you with this final quote:

You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! - Rocky

Reply 15

member569366

Too little assertiveness, too much guilt. Go to university even if you loathe the very idea. You need an education to get a good job later, you need to provide for yourself and escape your sad situation and your annoying brothers. Only financial security can achieve that. Stop feeling like you have a duty to assist your siblings, it's all in your head. Whatever you do, never blame the so-called middle child syndrome. It is a truly poor excuse.

Reply 16

FallenPetalIsDABOMB

Your problems are nill in comparison to thousands of other people.

But one saying appropriate for this is:

Don't ask for an easier life ask to be a stronger person.