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Ex- boyfriend/fiance keeping me on the hook?

Ok so my ex- boyfriend/fiance sends me a facebook message saying how are you, long time no speal etc. etc. like every month or something, and for a few days we chat, and as soon as we start becoming really good friends again, and flirting and makig sex jokes etc, he gets kind of cold and we stop talking until the next time.

Anyway, my best friend thinks he is just keeping me on 'the hook' so he can feel wanted, which I'm thinking is definitely possible.

So just now he didn't reply for ages and I sent a message saying 'helloo? :Px' and then he replied, but I can tell he is starting to pull away again, now he thinks he's got me back interested. : /

I should mention that he has a serious girlfriend who he is possibly planning on proposing to. Also, I broke up with him, not the other way around.

Discuss lol x

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Reply 1
Avatar for FattyInNeed
FattyInNeed
Don't message him again. Ever. Nor reply. Ever.

:facepalm:
Despite who he's with, you are still on his mind.

Plus, as he seems to back off after you get comfortable, he is probably assessing whether or not he could get you into bed... should he one day wish.
He's got you making a thread about him on a forum full of strangers, he's therefore succeeded.
Original post by Colour Me Pretty
He's got you making a thread about him on a forum full of strangers, he's therefore succeeded.


Yes, thanks, I realise that. Any useful advice?
Original post by FattyInNeed
Don't message him again. Ever. Nor reply. Ever.

:facepalm:


Why? I know you're probably right, but why? x
Original post by IndigoRockGirl
Yes, thanks, I realise that. Any useful advice?


It depends if it's bothering you or not.If it's just a minor irritant then just forget about it, if he's cheesing you off quite a bit consider cutting all ties.

If he was totally happy with his current partner he wouldn't keep bothering you, or if you had a amicable break-up maybe he really does just want to be friends. I personally don't know that many people that have stayed on good terms with their exes, even if the break-up wasn't too bad. Generally, they usually just cease contact. Maybe he's after sex? But it's likely it's an ego boost,especially since he contacts you quite sporadically.
(edited 13 years ago)
Reply 7
Avatar for Roo Bix
Roo Bix
11
Original post by IndigoRockGirl
Why? I know you're probably right, but why? x


It's because he's with someone, you already have strong feelings that he is in contact with you for the sake of feeling wanted, is it really worth continuing with messages and stuff? What can come out of it?
Original post by Colour Me Pretty
It depends if it's bothering you or not.If it's just a minor irritant then just forget about it, if he's cheesing you off quite a bit consider cutting all ties.

If he was totally happy with his current partner he wouldn't keep bothering you, or if you had a amicable break-up maybe he really does just want to be friends. I personally don't know that many people that have stayed on good terms with their exes, even if the break-up wasn't too bad. Generally, they usually just cease contact. Maybe he's after sex? But it's likely it's an ego boost.


Yeah I'm thinking it's an ego boost too : / it doesn't necessarily bother me, in fact I quite like talking to him, but it would bother me if he was just using me to feel wanted lol x
Original post by Roo Bix
It's because he's with someone, you already have strong feelings that he is in contact with you for the sake of feeling wanted, is it really worth continuing with messages and stuff? What can come out of it?


Well I still kind of have feelings for him, and he has admittd that altough he's moved on, he is always going to have a thing for me, so I tink it's worth pursuing and I don't think his new girlfriend is rihgt for him in any way lol x and we have a lot of fun together x
Original post by IndigoRockGirl
Yeah I'm thinking it's an ego boost too : / it doesn't necessarily bother me, in fact I quite like talking to him, but it would bother me if he was just using me to feel wanted lol x


I wouldn't really worry too much about it.
You could cut ties but that's quite a drastic move, I'd only do that if it was severely upsetting you. Try and discourage the flirtatious behaviour and sex jokes, if he stops talking after that then you'll know it was only an ego boost.
Reply 11
Avatar for Roo Bix
Roo Bix
11
Original post by IndigoRockGirl
Well I still kind of have feelings for him, and he has admittd that altough he's moved on, he is always going to have a thing for me, so I tink it's worth pursuing and I don't think his new girlfriend is rihgt for him in any way lol x and we have a lot of fun together x


Come on Indigo! These things contradict each other slightly. Best thing you can do is, like ColourMe says (and rep for that post), keep him as a friend and if he does stop talking to you, it was only an ego boost.

But I also say don't rely on him and his girlfriend to break up or something.
Original post by Colour Me Pretty
I wouldn't really worry too much about it.
You could cut ties but that's quite a drastic move, I'd only do that if it was severely upsetting you. Try and discourage the flirtatious behaviour and sex jokes, if he stops talking after that then you'll know it was only an ego boost.


Okay, Thanks :smile:x
Original post by Roo Bix
Come on Indigo! These things contradict each other slightly. Best thing you can do is, like ColourMe says (and rep for that post), keep him as a friend and if he does stop talking to you, it was only an ego boost.

But I also say don't rely on him and his girlfriend to break up or something.


but he said he still has a thing for me and always will! lol
Reply 14
Avatar for Roo Bix
Roo Bix
11
Original post by IndigoRockGirl
but he said he still has a thing for me and always will! lol


But does that mean you should hang on that? It's an example of how much control you have over things.
Original post by Roo Bix
But does that mean you should hang on that? It's an example of how much control you have over things.


Hmm.. yeah you're right.. I'm just gonna call him out on it and see what happens lol x
Reply 16
Avatar for Converse
Converse
11
Why did you guys split?
Original post by Converse
Why did you guys split?


Well I kind of felt overwhelmed by how fast we were going, 'physically' lol, and I felt as though he was like over it, but apparently he wasn't he still loved me etc etc, but I found that out too late, and he had anew gf :frown: Also my best friend thought he was a creep and she was pressuring me to break up with him x
Reply 18
Avatar for Converse
Converse
11
Original post by IndigoRockGirl
Well I kind of felt overwhelmed by how fast we were going, 'physically' lol, and I felt as though he was like over it, but apparently he wasn't he still loved me etc etc, but I found that out too late, and he had anew gf :frown: Also my best friend thought he was a creep and she was pressuring me to break up with him x


You could have just talked to him if you felt you were going to quick. Maybe your friend was just jealous?

Also, why don't you think this girl is right for him?
Hmm, a similar thing happened to me, except i'm a guy and she's a girl.

I know it's hard not to reply, but that's probably the only real advice that stands a chance that there is.

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