Feel as if I hardly have any close friends left at all... Advice?
This year a lot of bad/damaging stuff has happened to me, all of it out of my control as it was mainly to do with my family. I don't want pity or anything, I'm just explaining why I acted how I did in the first place, thus causing the situation I'm in now.
For a while after it, I just wanted to be on my own, I never really talked to anyone about what happened even though for a long time it was all I thought about. so I had a lot of feelings kind of built up about it. I'd spend a lot of time inside on my own (at this point I still had a lot of friends). From April onwards and predominantly during summer, I just stopped going out as much as I used to, and when I did it'd only be to drink. Once, while drunk, I said some nasty things about a girl I know and fell out with her (I haven't drunk since though haha). I couldn't be bothered facing up to it... and it was nearly the end of summer so I just stopped going out until school, saw other friends instead. I carried on talking to my friends but we got further and further apart (a lot of them go to another school which made it difficult to talk regularly).
Now we're back at school and I've recently realised that I just hardly have any real friends left, after all that. I have my best friend and 2/3 close friends, but other than that everyone else is either just someone I'd smile at/have a brief conversation with or a friend who I'm not especially close to, like not close enough for them to stand up for me, etc. I rarely go out on weekends and I certainly never go out on weekdays (I live quite far from my school/friends anyway, so it'd be difficult to).
I know this is all my own fault but I can't help feeling sorry for myself. :/ I feel so lonely a lot of the time, like I have no one to confide in or talk to. I never want to go to school or go out, even lately when I've made an effort to go out in a group of people to make new friends it seems like no one wants to talk to me. I know for a fact a few of the girls in my friendship circle really dislike me (for no apparent reason) but other than that I'm generally well-liked. I'm not going to lie, I'm not ugly/geeky, I'm easy to get along with so it's not like I'd have a really hard time at a new college.
I don't have anyone to talk to at home anymore either. My sister went to Uni in September so I live with just my mum and it gets lonely holed up miles away from my friends with no siblings.
I'm really sorry it's so long so I'll get to my original question:
Should I leave my school, and go to college next September?
It's just like, if I told my friends now I was planning on going to college, I can imagine they'd be so pissed off with me and would blank me all summer, so I'd go to college with no friends, etc.
Thank you so much if you read/skim all of that! And thanks in advance for any replies and advice (even harsh advice is welcomed).
For a while after it, I just wanted to be on my own, I never really talked to anyone about what happened even though for a long time it was all I thought about. so I had a lot of feelings kind of built up about it. I'd spend a lot of time inside on my own (at this point I still had a lot of friends). From April onwards and predominantly during summer, I just stopped going out as much as I used to, and when I did it'd only be to drink. Once, while drunk, I said some nasty things about a girl I know and fell out with her (I haven't drunk since though haha). I couldn't be bothered facing up to it... and it was nearly the end of summer so I just stopped going out until school, saw other friends instead. I carried on talking to my friends but we got further and further apart (a lot of them go to another school which made it difficult to talk regularly).
Now we're back at school and I've recently realised that I just hardly have any real friends left, after all that. I have my best friend and 2/3 close friends, but other than that everyone else is either just someone I'd smile at/have a brief conversation with or a friend who I'm not especially close to, like not close enough for them to stand up for me, etc. I rarely go out on weekends and I certainly never go out on weekdays (I live quite far from my school/friends anyway, so it'd be difficult to).
I know this is all my own fault but I can't help feeling sorry for myself. :/ I feel so lonely a lot of the time, like I have no one to confide in or talk to. I never want to go to school or go out, even lately when I've made an effort to go out in a group of people to make new friends it seems like no one wants to talk to me. I know for a fact a few of the girls in my friendship circle really dislike me (for no apparent reason) but other than that I'm generally well-liked. I'm not going to lie, I'm not ugly/geeky, I'm easy to get along with so it's not like I'd have a really hard time at a new college.
I don't have anyone to talk to at home anymore either. My sister went to Uni in September so I live with just my mum and it gets lonely holed up miles away from my friends with no siblings.
I'm really sorry it's so long so I'll get to my original question:
Should I leave my school, and go to college next September?
It's just like, if I told my friends now I was planning on going to college, I can imagine they'd be so pissed off with me and would blank me all summer, so I'd go to college with no friends, etc.
Thank you so much if you read/skim all of that! And thanks in advance for any replies and advice (even harsh advice is welcomed).
This seems to be whats happening to me at the moment, how old are you? as im 21 and after 2 years at a previous college where i tried harder to have friends/go out then i did to study (my last year i left with no qualifications, what a waste) i am now finishing my last year of college (that i went back to)
As ive already stated, i "wasted" time trying to have more friends then getting grades which resulted in me being left out with university and such. I dont know how old you are but seriously when you go to college STUDY, unfortunately we live in a society where people want to hang around with the large crowds and the "cool" people.
Your decision is YOUR decision, if you want to do it DO IT. If your friends aren't there to back you up then their not real friends. end of.
As ive already stated, i "wasted" time trying to have more friends then getting grades which resulted in me being left out with university and such. I dont know how old you are but seriously when you go to college STUDY, unfortunately we live in a society where people want to hang around with the large crowds and the "cool" people.
Your decision is YOUR decision, if you want to do it DO IT. If your friends aren't there to back you up then their not real friends. end of.
Original post by asdfg0987
I don't understand why they'd be mad. Or did I miss something.
That's just the type of people they are. Another reason I want out.
Original post by Knighted
This seems to be whats happening to me at the moment, how old are you? as im 21 and after 2 years at a previous college where i tried harder to have friends/go out then i did to study (my last year i left with no qualifications, what a waste) i am now finishing my last year of college (that i went back to)
As ive already stated, i "wasted" time trying to have more friends then getting grades which resulted in me being left out with university and such. I dont know how old you are but seriously when you go to college STUDY, unfortunately we live in a society where people want to hang around with the large crowds and the "cool" people.
Your decision is YOUR decision, if you want to do it DO IT. If your friends aren't there to back you up then their not real friends. end of.
As ive already stated, i "wasted" time trying to have more friends then getting grades which resulted in me being left out with university and such. I dont know how old you are but seriously when you go to college STUDY, unfortunately we live in a society where people want to hang around with the large crowds and the "cool" people.
Your decision is YOUR decision, if you want to do it DO IT. If your friends aren't there to back you up then their not real friends. end of.
It's not like I want to be popular, I just want my friends back. :| Or at least SOME friends back, or some sense of belonging again. It's just weird because I've never felt unpopular before (and I kind of pity the anonymous types now)... But whatever. Idk haha. Thanks for the advice.
You say you have a best friend and 2/3 other close friends. (To be honest, that seems like a lot to me (but I'm pretty selective)). Do the friends you still have, have friends? If so, join in with their group.
You say you want your friends back. But you also say you can't go out etc. So what would you do with your friends if you had them back? If you just want to chat at school / phone, just take the initiative and get talking to them.
You say you want your friends back. But you also say you can't go out etc. So what would you do with your friends if you had them back? If you just want to chat at school / phone, just take the initiative and get talking to them.
Original post by llys
You say you have a best friend and 2/3 other close friends. (To be honest, that seems like a lot to me (but I'm pretty selective)). Do the friends you still have, have friends? If so, join in with their group.
You say you want your friends back. But you also say you can't go out etc. So what would you do with your friends if you had them back? If you just want to chat at school / phone, just take the initiative and get talking to them.
You say you want your friends back. But you also say you can't go out etc. So what would you do with your friends if you had them back? If you just want to chat at school / phone, just take the initiative and get talking to them.
Yeah, that's kind of an issue here too. Like, say I fell out with my best friend(s). If I did, I'd have no one else to go to. But they'd have plenty of other people to go to, they've got a lot of friends beside me. We all sort of hang around together but a few of them have expressed the fact (behind my back) that they don't really like me, and not for any particular reason, either.
I would go out and do things, if I had all my old friends back. The thing is as well, all my old friends that I used to hang out with at the weekend/do things with were friends I knew from my old dance/ballet classes, so when I fell out with them properly I quit dancing and just decided to constantly be with my "school" friends, and tbh I was kinda glad that NONE of them went to my school - there'd be no talking about it, no one would know, I wouldn't have to face them, etc.
The "not going out" thing is just that BF doesn't want to do things with JUST me all the time, something I can completely understand, but that's why, really. There isn't anyone else I could just ask if they wanted to hang out, unless it was a big group event she invited me to.
Sorry for rambling again :')
also, sorry for deleting this message twice! I posted it non-anonymously by accident.
Original post by Anonymous
We all sort of hang around together but a few of them have expressed the fact (behind my back) that they don't really like me, and not for any particular reason, either.
Oh I see. Are you completely sure of this? I can see how that is off-putting but I think you could try to be bigger than them and ignore what they say behind your back. If you hang out with them more often they may realise that they don't actually dislike you. Although I can understand if you might not want to appear so desperate to hang out with people who don't want to hang out with you.
In that case maybe just take up a new hobby or a part-time job and make new friends that way (like you did with dancing).
Change to college might help you (fresh start). Don't worry about what your current friends will think about that; you don't even have to bring it up until they bring it up or you do go. Some of them might even consider going to college over school as well.
Anyway: even if you switch to college you will then have to take the initiative to make new friends there, although it will be easier since everyone will be in the same boat (I'm assuming you'll start there in year 12). It might be good for you to practise meeting / chatting / hanging out with new people now (not just the friends you still have); it might help you now, and it would definitely make it easier at college (and later in life) where you will be out of your comfort zone.
(edited 13 years ago)
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