My boyfriend went mental and lost the plot

OP

Let him go. I've been in that situation before, where I did everything for him, and he manipulated and absued me, and expected me to just be there for him no matter what he did. I felt bad because he was a depressive, and that it wasn't his fault, maybe it was my fault, that I deserved it etc. Eventually, I decided that it wasn't worth it anymore, and I deserved more than that. So the next time he went into a torrent of abuse and ignored me, by the time he was ready to come around, I wasn't there anymore. It was so hard as I truly loved him, but it was the best thing I've ever done.

It gets better. You deserve someone better. You aren't responsible to help him. HE needs to sort his own problems out before he can get into a relationship. PM me if you need to talk about it. :hug:

He was my first love, been with him for three years and known him for four. I've never been with another guy but him and he was everything to me. We knew each other so well and now this has suddenly happened I am lost and lonely. I just wish he had been nice to me and loved me the way I did him.

Reply 21

MagicNMedicine

20

Wow some relationships. I've never been in a relationship where there's been this kind of nonsense going on. Yes you have arguments but if a girl started shouting abuse like that at me I'd tell her to f off and would just cut all ties with her. There's loads of other people in the world, if you're willing to waste your time with these weirdos with issues then its your own fault.

Reply 22

.Ali.

3

Original post by Anonymous

But I love the sweet, kind caring side. It hurts so much. I have images of him as a vulnerable kid who looks to me for support and love (which he did) btu then he has this other side.

That's exactly how I felt. That I couldn't just lave him, he needs me, etc. My honest opinion is he has deeper issues (my one had depression, psychosis, anxiety, as well as various others), and that he needs to address those issues before getting into a relationship. I'm not saying he's a bad person, but he has no right to take those issues out on you. You can't help him if he's not willing to help himself. You're not his therapist, you deserve better treatment than what he's giving you. I know it's hard. He's made you feel dependant on him, I guess? Like you don't know how you'll exist alone?

Original post by Anonymous

He was my first love, been with him for three years and known him for four. I've never been with another guy but him and he was everything to me. We knew each other so well and now this has suddenly happened I am lost and lonely. I just wish he had been nice to me and loved me the way I did him.

Again, the same. I'd had other boyfriends, but he was the first one I'd loved. Even though I don't love him now, I've no doubt that he was my first love. I was with him for one and a half years. I'm guessing you're quite young (I am too)? Trust me, you have to let him go. It'll be the hardest thing you've ever done, but within a few months, you won't recognise how helpless and lonely you feel now. It gets better, chin up! :smile:

Reply 23

FattyInNeed

Original post by Anonymous

You can PM me instead if you'd rather, but I understand if you'd rather stay anonymous.
Making you feel ugly and incompetent is the sign of a controlling partner and does not bode too well for the future. Neither does making you feel panicky and intimidated. You should also be able to totally be yourself around your other half.
At 22 I can understand why you can't see yourself moving on. You're young and will feel very familiar and comfortable in your first love. After all, it's all you have known.

I, and others, know who your non-anon is anyway, so what was the point anon'ing? :erm:

Reply 24

ilovethekooks

2

Original post by Anonymous

But I love the sweet, kind caring side. It hurts so much. I have images of him as a vulnerable kid who looks to me for support and love (which he did) btu then he has this other side.

Oh honey, if he loved u much, he would have never done all those things you wrote down. When he shows his loving side, its just to weaken you so that you take him back and treat him nice so that he can treat you like **** again.
Cmon be strong dont live your life for someone else. The more you are with him, the more your life is being wasted. You will regret. Be strong and leave him!!!!!!!!!

Reply 25

allieee

2

you don't need a jekyl and hyde character for a boyfriend. you want someone to be sweet and strong for you all the time. in a relationship it's not fair if one person is doing all the giving or taking and in the end it will only bring you down. have some self respect and get out of there as it sounds like he has personality issues as hard enough as that is to face! good luck :smile:

x

Reply 26

natashapt

13

Original post by Nizzay!

I am

to why you girls go for idiots like the one OP described.

You don't tend to realise their bad attributes till you're well established in the relationship and they reveal their true colours, by that point you're kind of hoping they'll go back to the person they used to be. It's so dumb, I totally agree with you that girls should up and leave this guys, but it isn't as simple if you're not really a strong person or quite insecure about yourself.

Reply 27

Nizzay!

12

Original post by natashapt

You don't tend to realise their bad attributes till you're well established in the relationship and they reveal their true colours, by that point you're kind of hoping they'll go back to the person they used to be. It's so dumb, I totally agree with you that girls should up and leave this guys, but it isn't as simple if you're not really a strong person or quite insecure about yourself.

I take it you have been a similar situation before? But I agree with you though. People can change throughout the course of the relationship for better.... or for worse. I guess it comes down to having a good judgment/intuition on the person your about to have a relationship with...if that makes any sense. :redface:

Reply 28

natashapt

13

Original post by Nizzay!

I take it you have been a similar situation before? But I agree with you though. People can change throughout the course of the relationship for better.... or for worse. I guess it comes down to having a good judgment/intuition on the person your about to have a relationship with...if that makes any sense. :redface:

Yup, unfortunately it was detrimental to my health too, I'm slim anyway but ended up losing a stone in weight and was quite ill. Yep and if you don't have that intuition, or misjudge, then end up in a bad situation it can be hard to get out. Fortunately most people learn from their mistakes and don't choose these losers again :smile:

Reply 29

Vohamanah

16

I don't think anyone is really placed to comment on the stupidity of people who end up in a relationship like this unless they've been there themselves.

OP, I was with a guy like this for 6 years. I lived with him for 5 of those. I was head over heels in love with him and completely and utterly dependant on him. Anyone who sees me posting on here knows I'm not a weak little doormat, but as you know its just easier to tell yourself that he is going to change and things will get better.

I can't say if yours is going to change. People told me leopards don't change their spots, but I fought tooth and nail for him, convinced that he was a nice guy underneath and that I couldn't live without him.

Leaving him was the best things I've ever done. I mean it. It was instantly liberating. I'm now on my own two feet, about three months on, and happier than I have ever been in my life. So just be reassured that there is a life after this relationship, if you can bring yourself to make that massively hard move. I am always 100% happy for you to PM me if you want to talk.

Best of luck with whatever you do. Be strong xx

My boyfriend went mental and lost the plot

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