How can you warn the person you love that you're probably going to break up soon?

Basically, I think me and my boyfriend might split up soon.

It's literally nothing that we can change or work on- I love him to pieces but I just feel like I need to be on my own for a bit, and that being in a relationship is becoming a burden.

I don't necessarily want us to split up now, but I know sooner or later it will probably happen, and I don't want it to be completely out of the blue.

So the question is- how can I possibly talk to him about it? I don't want to be decieving him for ages knowing that it's probably going to end. I don't want it to be something I spring on him. I want to be honest with him.

But I don't want to be stringing him along, making him anxious and miserable until I finally end it.

We have a great relationship generally- we're honest and open, and he's quite strong, emotionally, and he's sensible and keeps a clear head when it would be easy to unfairly blame me, or overreact or something.

Any ideas?

Reply 1

member520746

Errrrrr wat. That's the most spurious reasoning for breaking up with a guy you supposedly love ever, short of 'the voices in my head made me do it'.

Reply 2

Bobifier

"I'm thinking of breaking up with you sometime next week, maybe Tuesday if that's good for you?"

Reply 3

rogreg8

Original post by Bobifier

"I'm thinking of breaking up with you sometime next week, maybe Tuesday if that's good for you?"

this. or you could just act like a complete h0e around him. :rolleyes:

Reply 4

big-boss-91

Original post by Anonymous

if you need to alone and the relationship is being a burden but still like each other, i would recommend a break from the relationship first and see how things go from there

Reply 5

LawBore

I'm afraid in this situation it pretty much will have to be out of the blue- the revelation that you'll break up soon will hurt no less than the fact that you're breaking up 'now'. Make sure you are certain, and bite the bullet.

Reply 6

username47781

Maybe things have gone stale in the relationship to make you feel this way, however if this is how you feel then surely you need to get out the relationship now rather than later because as it stands you are stringing him along by staying in the relationship when you feel like this. It will hurt him but if you break up with him now rather than carry on then it's better than leading him on then one day he can find someone else at least.

Reply 7

Anonymous #2

Is it not better to have a talk to explain that you feel the relationship is weighing you down.

Then your boyfriend becomes aware of the impending crisis, has a chance to do something about it.

If you succeed at turning things around all the better.

If you don't succeed, at least it should be obvious to both of you that that is what has happened, so at least your boyfriend won't be left gulping like a fish out of water.

Reply 8

I'mNewHere

Twilight has a lot to answer for..

Reply 9

Anonymous #3

I'm a male in your situation, having the same dilemma.

Reply 10

Alpha Paradox

Original post by Bobifier

"I'm thinking of breaking up with you sometime next week, maybe Tuesday if that's good for you?"

See you next tuesday then. :wink:

Reply 11

Roflhahalol

Take a dump, on their doormat...infront of them. Then declare loudly 'Its WAR!'

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

Original post by JCC-MGS

Errrrrr wat. That's the most spurious reasoning for breaking up with a guy you supposedly love ever, short of 'the voices in my head made me do it'.

Sorry, I wasn't aware that I needed a justification for not being happy in a relationship.

Reply 13

ArcadiaHouse

Let the person walk in on you in a compromising situation with another guy.

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

What do you guys think about being like "I've been a bit worried about us recently, and whether we're working. What do you think?" to him

Reply 15

Samz

Original post by Anonymous

Sorry, I wasn't aware that I needed a justification for not being happy in a relationship.

imo, its a not a brilliant reason though is it. :s-smilie:

relationships go through ups and downs, they're not always perfect so if you think things have gotten a bit stale try to change it. i can't really understand why you'd want to dump somebody you love to pieces? maybe thats just me being niave though? :s-smilie:

& i wouldnt warn him. it's not going to make it hurt any less, it'll just cause him a few extra weeks/months of anxiety and stress.. this is a situation i'd say ignorance is bliss.

Reply 16

Samz

Original post by Anonymous

What do you guys think about being like "I've been a bit worried about us recently, and whether we're working. What do you think?" to him

that sounds better to me. cos you're not admitting to him that you've just 'given up' and it gives him a chance to put his feelings across. it'll probably be a good opener to a conversation that sounds like it needs to happen. i think this is better :smile:

Reply 17

Anonymous #1

Original post by Samz

imo, its a not a brilliant reason though is it. :s-smilie:

Yes, I think you're being naive.

If you want me to go into more detail- I really really do love him, but I wish we'd met 5 years later than we did. I've never really been single, and when I started seeing him I'd just come out of a long term relationship. He's older than me, has finished uni, moved out and is pretty much looking to settle down. At first I thought that I'd like to settle down with him too, and we've talked vaguely about marriage and kids, but now I feel like I've been so involved in relationships since I was really young that I don't really know who I am when I'm alone, and that I think I let my relationship be an excuse for not making the most of myself and pushing myself. I also want to see other people- I've never had casual sex and never had sex with a woman (I'm bi), and these are things I want to experience. I also really love meeting people and that feeling when you first date someone, and I don't feel like I'm ready to leave that behind.

Although honestly? I don't really think I need to have a 'good reason' to want to end a relationship, and I find it a little odd that people are questioning my reason.