Ending it

If you were in my boyfriend's position, would you understand these reasons for ending it?

So we've known eachother about a year and a half and over the summer we spent lots of time together, because we do drama stuff together. So from like. March until October we saw eachother ALL THE TIME. And we liked eachother, flirted but we're both a bit shy so it took us until october to get together.

We're both in A Level year. And I'm seriously academic, applied to really hard unis and am predicted A*A*AA. When we came back after half term, I got very ill with stress. And due to stress/coursework/illness and the fact he lives 40 mins away, we've found it hard to see eachother.

So although he's amazing, and perfect. I just don't think we can make it work. And after chirstmas, I'm going to have to work so hard to get my grades. And I'm so ill and stressed, I can't look after myself or be a good friend to my friends... let alone be the girlfriend he deserves.

I still want him in my life. But I can't spend my time worrying about being a **** girlfriend to him, and I don't have time to be a good one.

Will he understand?

Reply 1

Beska

Basically "it's not you, it's me!"

No, he won't be happy for that. I wouldn't be happy with that.

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

But if I am being rubbish to him, and we're barely seeing eachother and when we do I'm so stressed I can barely enjoy myself...?

Reply 3

JohnC2211

From the sounds of it, he can do better than you anyway.

Reply 4

Anonymous #1

And when I say stress. I don't just mean namby pamby 'uggh A2 is hard' stress.

I mean panic attacks, anxiety, not bein able to leave the house, borderline depression stress.

Reply 5

theths

maybe if you explain all that to him? if he feels that you don't think you deserve him and you give him a chance to have a discussion about it, it'll be better than if you do it over text or whatever, where it will just end up sounding like "it's not you, it's me"

Reply 6

josh_v

'Im doing this for you' is the worst reason you can give.

If he felt like it would be better for him then he would end it.

Atleast tell him the truth, you would prefer to focus on your studies more and thats whats most important to you at the moment.

Reply 7

username47781

Whatever you say to him, he will be very hurt but no point stringing him along I guess if you don't want to be with him. I suggest you talk to him ASAP

Reply 8

happy :)

He wont be happy with it! But at the end of the day you're 17/18....getting good grades and into a good uni is really important! There will be plenty of time for guys in the future. Plus if by any chance he was "the one" then maybe after exams you can rekindle it. If it's really meant to be then it will happen. Just be prepared for him to get upset and he may distance himself for a while...but in the long run i think you are being sensible and hopefully you can still keep in contact and things.
Good luck :smile:

Reply 9

Huskaris

You don't want to be with him. You want to act like you are doing him a favour as an excuse for dumping him. That probably won't go down too well. Although from what you have described, in the long run you might be doing him a bit of a favour :-D

Just sayin' ;-)

Reply 10

xPixie

Do you actually mean it when you say you want to ''end things''? Or do you mean you just can't juggle in a relationship at the moment but you still want to be with him otherwise..? If it's the latter, I say, explain to him the situation you're in & if you both have strong feelings for each other, suggest trying to make it work after exams etc.. But obviously don't tie him down into waiting for you or anything if you don't think it's going to work :s-smilie:

Reply 11

Beska

Original post by Anonymous

But if I am being rubbish to him, and we're barely seeing eachother and when we do I'm so stressed I can barely enjoy myself...?

To put it bluntly: man the **** up.

We have all been in situations where relationships have been strained, either through illness, distance, or whatever. There are two types of couple in this world: good ones and bad ones. The difference between ****ty couples and good couples is that good couples stick together through the difficult times, and make a conscious effort to be a better partner for the other. Are you a good couple or a bad couple?

P.S. Stop trying to rationalise with all the "I'm feeling poorly" stuff. He won't appreciate it. If you really do have strong feelings for him, then work through problems together. As I said, the "it's not you, it's me. I'm doing it for you" is so bloody cliché and blatantly just because you can't be bothered to put in the effort. If he means that much to you then do something about it.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 12

Xhotas

If he's upset about it just tell him to man up and deal with it, you have exams to revise for and if you need to go on a break or completely break up then do it. He will get upset if you say you want to break up completely, if you say you just want a break so you can focus on your education then he won't care as much since he should know you're seriously concerned for your A Levels and such.

But if you're just trying to sugar coat it, just be honest and say it's not working out. Don't make excuses, it just makes it worse.