Embarrassed + Depressed! ......I can't tie my shoelaces!!!

Wow one of the most entertaining trolls I've met. How did you survive into adulthood without this essential skill?

Yeah, I didn't learn til I was 14. It's not the end of the bleedin' world.

Yes, the world is bleeding, and the near-black blood is running down the bars of this dark and icy prison that surrounds me. If only these string-like entities would surrender to my will, and relinquish me of my suffering.

(Anon or delete - People on here know me in real life and it would be so embarrassing if they found out about this)

I cry as I write this :

It's just something I've never been able to do. I remember finding it really difficult to grasp exactly how my day-care teacher and parents tied my shoelaces for me. These elongated pieces of fabric have left me puzzled in an unrelentingly irritating and embarrassing manner. This, combined with phobias of laceless shoes and bare feet has been the defining factor in what has led to the eternal and everlasting abyss that is my grim adult life.

Whenever someone has tried to teach me how to tie my shoelaces and exile me from my constant state of melancholia , I've acted as if I know what's going on, only to carry on living with this embarrassing affliction. The illusively easy way in which they, those who can, attain that beautiful bow form I long for, from those two separate entities of linear material, has led me to depression (knowing I shall never be able to create such beauty).

Most days, I tuck the free-hanging laces into my socks or into the shoes themselves. Sadly, this doesn't prevent them from releasing themselves to be the way all laces in my possession have been cursed to be - liberated from their bonds to each other.

Today my girlfriend's mother asked me to tie her toddler's laces for her but (due to my disability) the laces from each shoe became intertwined together in a knot so disastrously complex, Phrygian Gordium would be astounded by its intricate nature.

It was the first time I'd tied two pieces of string together but it was also the first time I'd been laughed at by a 5 year old, who (as I remained kneeling, attempting to salvage whatever I could from this insane anomaly of knot theory) proceded to lick her hand and slide the liquidated hand across my face, as if to say, "This is what you're worth, you silly girl".

How do you tie your shoe laces?
Is/Has anyone else/else been topologically challenged in this way? Recovered?

Yours Faithfully.

Woven Tears.

Yes, the world is bleeding, and the near-black blood is running down the bars of this dark and icy prison that surrounds me. If only these string-like entities would surrender to my will, and relinquish me of my suffering.

Calm down love, they're shoelaces, not nuclear bombs.

Loooooooooooooooool. Joker! Hahahaha. How is that a problem? Even if you are telling the truth, it is like learning to use a remote control. So why would you cry?

I'd take this seriously if this wasn't written like a novel.

Plimsolls my friend.