Sex before marriage?
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OP sounds like the type of person who makes sex a massive thing in her mind and it will all end up as a big dissapointment because the reality is
It won't be special, it rarely is. Even if you wait untill marrige it would be a drunken grope on the wedding night.
I can understand where OP is coming from but waiting just builds it up into a massive event which it wont be.
Especially if he waited too. It would be like a drunk badger trying to carry out surgery.
Tl;Dr don't build it up to be something amazing because you will probably be dissapointed. I know i was and many other people have simelar stories.
It won't be special, it rarely is. Even if you wait untill marrige it would be a drunken grope on the wedding night.
I can understand where OP is coming from but waiting just builds it up into a massive event which it wont be.
Especially if he waited too. It would be like a drunk badger trying to carry out surgery.
Tl;Dr don't build it up to be something amazing because you will probably be dissapointed. I know i was and many other people have simelar stories.
Marriage is a greater commitment/step than sex (imo) for which you should be more sure that you are in love with and suited to that person.
You can stop having sex with someone, but it is considerably more difficult to stop living with someone, or stop being married to them.
In my mind it therefore doesn't make sense that sex comes after marriage at all. It would be like saying oh well you can't peck your boyfriend on the cheek until after you've kissed with tongues!
I think it all comes from the hyping-up of virginity. Why should sexual virginity be important?
There is no emphasis on saving the full depth of our personalities, thoughts or memories until marriage, so why our bodies? Are bodies more important? I don't think so.
Although I don't think it is not what most of the people involved intend or believe, when I think about it in this way the whole virginity movement represents shallowness to me. The needless prioritisation of the sex over the mental and emotional connection that people can share.
I have lost my virginity to my boyfriend, and what matters is that that was of my choosing and comfort at the time. If we were to split up, I don't see why I should be expected to regret having sex with him, because it shall make no difference to the affection I may feel, or the bond I may share with another person.
You can stop having sex with someone, but it is considerably more difficult to stop living with someone, or stop being married to them.
In my mind it therefore doesn't make sense that sex comes after marriage at all. It would be like saying oh well you can't peck your boyfriend on the cheek until after you've kissed with tongues!
I think it all comes from the hyping-up of virginity. Why should sexual virginity be important?
There is no emphasis on saving the full depth of our personalities, thoughts or memories until marriage, so why our bodies? Are bodies more important? I don't think so.
Although I don't think it is not what most of the people involved intend or believe, when I think about it in this way the whole virginity movement represents shallowness to me. The needless prioritisation of the sex over the mental and emotional connection that people can share.
I have lost my virginity to my boyfriend, and what matters is that that was of my choosing and comfort at the time. If we were to split up, I don't see why I should be expected to regret having sex with him, because it shall make no difference to the affection I may feel, or the bond I may share with another person.
AND:
When I think of how it used to be, with poor girls who literally knew nothing about sex at all, being expected to have sex with no preparation on their wedding night.. I just think it must have been awful.
They must have been so frightened and hurt, and probably embarrassed... unless they were lucky in their choice of husband.. because it's not like they'll have known him that well is it? Not even allowed to go on dates together (pretty much in case they had sex)..
The movement away from that (including that away from virginity until marriage) is a wholly good thing imo.
Obviously, people who want to remain virgins now largely make that choice for themselves, still date, and know about sex and how it works. But I still think they ought to remember the origins of their attitudes because they aren't pretty imo.
And if you are planning on "saving it" till marriage, take my advice and build up slowly (before or after your wedding night). Because to go from nothing sexual whatsoever immediately into penetration.. I think you will find yourself very anxious, unsure and in pain as a result.
I had a very smooth first-time experience, probably there is an element of good luck, but also I believe this is because I had spent time with my boyfriend getting to know him sexually and I had been fingered, so that my hymen was probably already broke. I was not embarassed or anxious, but totally relaxed because it was the natural progression from what we had already done.
I really worry about girls who "save it" and then perhaps dive straight into penetration the minute they get married.
When I think of how it used to be, with poor girls who literally knew nothing about sex at all, being expected to have sex with no preparation on their wedding night.. I just think it must have been awful.
They must have been so frightened and hurt, and probably embarrassed... unless they were lucky in their choice of husband.. because it's not like they'll have known him that well is it? Not even allowed to go on dates together (pretty much in case they had sex)..
The movement away from that (including that away from virginity until marriage) is a wholly good thing imo.
Obviously, people who want to remain virgins now largely make that choice for themselves, still date, and know about sex and how it works. But I still think they ought to remember the origins of their attitudes because they aren't pretty imo.
And if you are planning on "saving it" till marriage, take my advice and build up slowly (before or after your wedding night). Because to go from nothing sexual whatsoever immediately into penetration.. I think you will find yourself very anxious, unsure and in pain as a result.
I had a very smooth first-time experience, probably there is an element of good luck, but also I believe this is because I had spent time with my boyfriend getting to know him sexually and I had been fingered, so that my hymen was probably already broke. I was not embarassed or anxious, but totally relaxed because it was the natural progression from what we had already done.
I really worry about girls who "save it" and then perhaps dive straight into penetration the minute they get married.
Original post by Annonymous_47
I just mean people who don't intend to get pregnant, as I'm sure is the case for most teenagers and yet still have sex.
I'm not saying I have a problem with other people doing it but personally I would rather just wait until I'm a bit older than do something completely unnatural like having an implant.
I'm not saying I have a problem with other people doing it but personally I would rather just wait until I'm a bit older than do something completely unnatural like having an implant.
Like airtravel, all medication, surgeries, use of electricity, having a real-time conversation with someone hundreds of miles away...
What do you hope to achieve by not shagging until you're shackled, dear?
Original post by Anonymous
Hi, I'm Rosalie. I'm a girl, 17. I've had wuite a few boyfriends so far, most of them long term. The thing is, I've made the decision to wait until I'm married to have sex but no guy wants to wait. I get the whole teen guy thing and wanting to try new things, have sex etc. But seriously.. Does NO ONE wait anymore? Girls or guys? Wow. I'm v. confused.
Thanks. <3
Thanks. <3
I'm 18 and i want to wait... btw if a guy want is with you and he doesn't wnat to wait then he's nt really the right guy...woop woop celibacy club
Original post by AnHuman
Like airtravel, all medication, surgeries, use of electricity, having a real-time conversation with someone hundreds of miles away...
I see your point, and I agree, many things we do are 'unnatural' in a strict sense, but I think you can hardly compare those things to having sex. It's so much more personal.
ure 17 & had long term relationships.. hahaha :O
lol how long were they 2 weeks? 2 days?
lol how long were they 2 weeks? 2 days?
I'm sorry, but waiting for marriage to have sex for the sake of it is actually more juvenile than just admitting you have sexual urges and fulfilling them. If you're religious, then you're an imbecile anyway; and, if you're not, then you are just clinging onto some puerile fantasy, in which you happen to meet the perfect guy, marry him, and have your first-time intercourse. I say grow up!
Original post by Annonymous_47
I see your point, and I agree, many things we do are 'unnatural' in a strict sense, but I think you can hardly compare those things to having sex. It's so much more personal.
Nothing we do is 'unnatural', because we are using the resources around us to do it. If humans are capable of harnessing electricity, building planes, crossing the ocean, then that is a natural human trait and ability that is happening.
Original post by AnHuman
You're right! Contraception doesn't exist!
Most forms of contraception aren't exactly natural though...all that hormone messing around with...who knows what it is doing to you?
Least if you wait you get chance to know each other mentally...rather than using sex as a means of communication.
If everyone waited also least the STI levels would be lower.
Original post by Annonymous_47
I see your point, and I agree, many things we do are 'unnatural' in a strict sense, but I think you can hardly compare those things to having sex. It's so much more personal.
No, I'm comparing those things to contraception, such as the implant.
Original post by INTJ
I'm sorry, but waiting for marriage to have sex for the sake of it is actually more juvenile than just admitting you have sexual urges and fulfilling them. If you're religious, then you're an imbecile anyway; and, if you're not, then you are just clinging onto some puerile fantasy, in which you happen to meet the perfect guy, marry him, and have your first-time intercourse. I say grow up!
Just cause your a randy little ... doesn't mean other people don't have any personal self control...and we aren't all desperate for relations either.
Well, what is wrong with finding someone perfect for you? You obviously have very little faith in yourself, and don't think you deserve perfection!
Original post by purplemooncows
Most forms of contraception aren't exactly natural though...all that hormone messing around with...who knows what it is doing to you?
The people who spent years researching it and decades studying the effects?
Yes there are a lot of side effects, different methods suit different individuals.
Least if you wait you get chance to know each other mentally...rather than using sex as a means of communication.
And you honestly believe that can only occur after you've bought a ring, held a ceremony, and taken someone second name?
If everyone waited also least the STI levels would be lower.
If partner's are faithful, the exact position of when then first have sex on the timeline of their relationship is completely irrelevant.
Original post by purplemooncows
Just cause your a randy little ... doesn't mean other people don't have any personal self control...and we aren't all desperate for relations either.
Well, what is wrong with finding someone perfect for you? You obviously have very little faith in yourself, and don't think you deserve perfection!
Well, what is wrong with finding someone perfect for you? You obviously have very little faith in yourself, and don't think you deserve perfection!
That is exactly my point. "Self control"...what is the self control for? Why do you need to 'control' those urges? Fair enough - don't sleep with everyone who crosses your path; but why do you need to abstain from sex just till you get married?
I have asked people this before, and they all provide a similarly vague and dismissive answer: "because it's a personal choice."
Waiting to have sex for marriage is juvenile. It's like trying to live the life of a Disney princess. If you want to have sex, find someone you like, trust and feel attracted to, and do it! There is no need to refrain just to wait for marriage which, in itself, is also fu***** pointless.
My girlfriend wanted to wait, I was fine with it as I loved her. She realised that it's inevitable that we will get married and gave in
Wow, there's a lot of hate towards waiting here. I say do what you like really
I'm a virgin at 17, and have had boyfriends who really wanted me to sleep with them (fair enough), but I just want the first time to be with someone I know well and trust, especially as it's so messy and awkward the first time. I won't wait till marriage, but I will wait until I feel it's the right guy, even if it takes a while. If marriage is what OP wants to wait for, fair enough- it's her body. If people want to have loads of sex now, that's up to them too.
I'm a virgin at 17, and have had boyfriends who really wanted me to sleep with them (fair enough), but I just want the first time to be with someone I know well and trust, especially as it's so messy and awkward the first time. I won't wait till marriage, but I will wait until I feel it's the right guy, even if it takes a while. If marriage is what OP wants to wait for, fair enough- it's her body. If people want to have loads of sex now, that's up to them too.
Original post by Sweet_Heart
Original post by Sweet_Heart
To all the people asking why she should wait, have you considered asking yourself why she shouldn't wait? It's her decision. Leave her be.
I hate to tell you that things don't get easier from here. University is full of people having sex (Hormones run at like an insane high + alcohol). Stilll...as long as you aren't judging them and aren't frigid there won't be a problem.
I came to University single and am yet to be in a relationship (although, I'm sort of 'seeing someone') and I'm told that I don't come off as a virgin which is why I still get chatted up by guys I suppose...
I'm not going to lie, it does take serious fortitude not to cave, but for me I figure that if I've waited 18 years then there's no point throwing my virginity away. If someone likes me enough then they will wait for me and will accept this.
And there are plenttttty of boys here. I'm sure there will be at least a few which share your values
I hate to tell you that things don't get easier from here. University is full of people having sex (Hormones run at like an insane high + alcohol). Stilll...as long as you aren't judging them and aren't frigid there won't be a problem.
I came to University single and am yet to be in a relationship (although, I'm sort of 'seeing someone') and I'm told that I don't come off as a virgin which is why I still get chatted up by guys I suppose...
I'm not going to lie, it does take serious fortitude not to cave, but for me I figure that if I've waited 18 years then there's no point throwing my virginity away. If someone likes me enough then they will wait for me and will accept this.
And there are plenttttty of boys here. I'm sure there will be at least a few which share your values
I can only say i agree with u on this one.
@ awesome-ness- I think its great that you've decided to wait until marriage before u have sex and I hope that u'd be able to hold on to that principle.
Our world at the present time, when morals have changed, its going to be difficult but, if u've said "No" before than it shouldn't be anymore difficult.
If you've made the decision to WAIT then WAIT, Don't let anyone or anything waver you.. After all, its you thats going to face the consequences, not them! And its going to weigh on your conscience and not theirs!
So, GOOD LUCK............
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by shinytoy
im 25 virgin waiting until marriage. if your gonna wait you have to be VERY clear about your reasons why, or else it is all do easy to give up in the heat of the moment or if your bf threatens to dump you. prepare not to date AT ALL until you are within a year or 2 of practical marrying age - it is too hard to stay in relationship over 2 yrs with nothing sexual. be clear on ur boundaries too. im catholic btw. look@ my post histry for my struggles,all my bfs cheted me cos of this &only muslim gys respect it
yes we do.
Original post by INTJ
Nothing we do is 'unnatural', because we are using the resources around us to do it. If humans are capable of harnessing electricity, building planes, crossing the ocean, then that is a natural human trait and ability that is happening.
Hmm yes but then you could argue that nothing is unnatural. Also it's a bit different if it's messing around with your normal bodily functioning... I don't know, I think my point was that to me it seems unnecessary when you could just not have sex for a few years longer. Perhaps my logic is flawed but it just comes down to personal preference really
Edit: Sorry I just realised I completely ignored that you did say that nothing is unnatural. Oh well the rest of my post is still valid.
(edited 13 years ago)
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