Advice on friends please..

Ok so I'll try to keep this as short as I can to avoid losing peoples interest.. if you want more detail.. ask :h:

But basically I'm on a gap year.. so at home atm, and all (and I mean all) of my friends have gone to uni, and obv term is over so they're all coming back now
Anyway the problem is that they have all seemed to have planned a meal get-together on monday at 6, but noone has told me about this or invited (except one person.. details in a sec)
I think the reason behind this is that my ex will be there... and we only broke up out of a 2year relationship a few months ago
So my guess is either that they are trying to protect me since my ex will be there (I was the one who got hurt... badly), they don't actually consider me a friend and only did so since I was dating their friend (yes most of my friends are girls), or they have simply forgotten about me :s-smilie:

Anyway now I don't know what to do.. I can hardly simply turn up on monday nonchalant can I? *walks into pub* Generic old friend: oh hey.. penguinsaysquack.. fancy seeing you here..
Or I could fish for an invite.. but that would be depressing and awkward..

Anyone have any suggestions? :dontknow:

Oh and the person that invited me was my ex.. though I don't think it counts since she seemed drunk at the time :rolleyes:

Reply 1

TheCurlyHairedDude

Not sure about you OP, but I'd just turn up anyway. I always invite myself places like thorpe park in the summer

Reply 2

Golfmk3

Hello, I have kind of been in a similar situation to you, breaking up with someone who is friends with my friends and then having that awkward moment when everyone is together...well if you feel like you are over your ex and ready to move on then I think you should go to the meal! what is the worst that can happen? if you arent over the breakup then I don't think you should because it will just cause stress for you and will not be enjoyable. Good luck :smile:

Reply 3

Penguinsaysquack

Original post by TheCurlyHairedDude

Not sure about you OP, but I'd just turn up anyway. I always invite myself places like thorpe park in the summer

I'm tempted.. think I may just turn up anyway and act suprised when I see my old 'friends'..

Original post by Golfmk3

I think I'm over my ex.. I haven't seen her in months and have recently started talking to her again and don't feel anything towards her anymore.. though I am worried seeing her will reignite feelings I don't want anymore..
But I guess I think it's that my friends don't think I'm over her yet, or that they simply don't want me there that is bothering me the most.. I would have thought that they would have at least offered me to join them.. and then warn me my ex will be there :rolleyes:

Oh and I guess the worst that can happen is I don't hear from them for ages... so no change for some of them then :sad:

Reply 4

Golfmk3

Original post by Penguinsaysquack

I'm tempted.. think I may just turn up anyway and act suprised when I see my old 'friends'..

I think I'm over my ex.. I haven't seen her in months and have recently started talking to her again and don't feel anything towards her anymore.. though I am worried seeing her will reignite feelings I don't want anymore..
But I guess I think it's that my friends don't think I'm over her yet, or that they simply don't want me there that is bothering me the most.. I would have thought that they would have at least offered me to join them.. and then warn me my ex will be there :rolleyes:

Oh and I guess the worst that can happen is I don't hear from them for ages... so no change for some of them then :sad:

Hmmm...if you think that you might pick up feelings for her again if you see her then I don't think it would be a good idea, you need to really be sure, as for your friends I honestly think that they are just trying to protect you, and you need to show them that you are fully over her so that they know they don't need to protect you anymore, props to you for being able to talk to your ex, when I broke up with my partner we weren't on speaking terms for at least a year! and even now we don't talk often.

Reply 5

Penguinsaysquack

Original post by Golfmk3

I only think I may pick up feelings since I haven't seen her at all since we broke up.. so naturally I have some doubt :s-smilie:

Easiest way to show my friends I'm not bothered by my ex anymore... probably by turning up and showing them it isn't awkward
Thanks.. but we rarely talk for any length of time.. and it's mostly about her messed up life now (which gives me endless pleasure :colondollar:

)
Oh I don't know.. I guess I should just turn up on monday, and whatever happens, happens :rolleyes:

Thanks for the advice btw.. It's persuaded me that I don't really have anything to lose so I may as well go for it :rolleyes:

Reply 6

Golfmk3

Original post by Penguinsaysquack

I only think I may pick up feelings since I haven't seen her at all since we broke up.. so naturally I have some doubt :s-smilie:

)
Oh I don't know.. I guess I should just turn up on monday, and whatever happens, happens :rolleyes:

Thanks for the advice btw.. It's persuaded me that I don't really have anything to lose so I may as well go for it :rolleyes:

Your welcome, good luck and merry Christmas :smile:

Reply 7

iamorgan

It's up to you, although it's quite bad that they chose to invite your ex over you. Yes, you can have mutual friends, but in situations like this I'd ask my friend but say that the ex was going to be there so I'd understand if you didn't want to come. Seems more logical than the potential awkwardness that could occur if you'd found out about the reunion after it had happened and you found you hadn't got an invite!

So, I'd go provided you'll be comfortable.

Reply 8

Lizia

If you haven't been invited (properly, by someone sober) then don't turn up unless you want to cause drama and end up having a fight. Whatever their specific reason for not inviting you was, it's clear they don't want you there.

Now you just have to decide whether it's worth asking them why you haven't been invited.

Reply 9

Penguinsaysquack

Original post by iamorgan

Well to be honest, although they are mutual friends now, they were originally her friends, though over the 2 years we dated I feel I became true friends with them and some of her closer friends are actually closer to me than they are her.. and quite rightly I believe
I'll go tomorrow.. and then I'll post on here how it went if anyone is interested in the end result..
But thanks.. you seem pro going anyway and I think that's what I want to be persuaded to do :mmm:

Reply 10

username392640

Original post by Penguinsaysquack

If you go, that just makes you look like a saddo.. I think.
So technically, they're not your friends then are they?

Reply 11

Penguinsaysquack

Original post by Lizia

It would be unfair to ignore you since it's not what I want to hear.. but then again what I want and what's best for me are rarely the same thing..

I can definitely see where you're coming from.. they must have their reason.. I guess the problem is that not knowing the reason, I don't know if it is just or not
Ie if they are trying to protect me then they may not be necessary since they don't know my ex and I talk now and seem to be managing being friends

I won't invade the meal.. they can enjoy that..
What I'm thinking of doing is turning up about 45mins into the meeting type thing and seeing people that way.. that way they can all catch up without me and then I'll turn up and if I feel that they don't want me there then I'll make up an excuse to leave etc

I won't ask them why I haven't been invited priar to the event... I think it puts them in a position where they are inviting me since they don't want to hurt my feelings, rather than they actually want me there.. Though afterwards I can joke and say 'can't believe you forgot me :tongue:

' and I could get an honest reason from that..

I think too much :s-smilie:

Reply 12

Penguinsaysquack

Original post by TheProdigy2k9

If you go, that just makes you look like a saddo.. I think.
So technically, they're not your friends then are they?

I can see this point of view and worry if it's true..
But you see that they were originally her friends.. but after a while they became my friends too.. it's not like I only spoke to them/hung out with them if my ex was there :tongue:

And besides.. I knew more about our friends personal lifes than she did.. they chose to confide in me over things so I would think that would make us closer than they were with her..

Reply 13

username392640

Original post by Penguinsaysquack

And besides.. I knew more about our friends personal lifes than she did.. they chose to confide in me over things so I would think that would make us closer than they were with her..

If I was you, I'd just ask why you was not invited rather then just tag along.

Reply 14

rawwwwr!

I wouldnt go. No one likes a scrape.

Reply 15

laut_biru

I wouldn't recommend going, simply because you haven't been invited.

It sucks to have to stay at home, but it's definitely a lot more classy to do that, and maybe enquire as to why you were left out- and accept the reason given as graciously as possible (if you're fuming inside at the reason, then just tell yourself thank god you didn't have to spend all evening with such rude people :wink:

)

Turning up uninvited just seems so desperate, even if the only reason was to 'protect' you. Tbh, they probably want to make sure of no drama, and wanted her there more than you, rather than to look out for your feelings.

Reply 16

Penguinsaysquack

Ok so in case anyone is still watching this..
Got invited to the afternoon thing by my ex, so attended and pleased to say I don't regret it since I can proudly say I feel nothing for her anymore and had a great time seeing everyone again.
And they were glad me and my ex are friends so they don't have to arrange things around us two.
A good day :yep: