LDR = pre-arranged sex: Is this true? If so, any ideas where we can do it or wait?

I guess I can see the truth in it, me and my girlfriend have 'planned' sex many times but we have a number of problems:

- Large distance (5-6 hours apart train station to train station, probably 7-8 if we meet door to door and in this weather)

- Don't get to spend very long together (most has been from about 10am-4/5pm, but more recently MUCH less)

- She can't meet at nights, I can (strict family...sigh)

- See each other about once a month, sometimes slightly less, sometimes 6 weeks

- Have never spent a weekend together, let alone a week

- Due to parents, etc, we can't go to each others houses (the most 'private' place we've met is a tent - but we manage to do other stuff in quiet fields, etc)

And it's been a year so far, in a pretty good (but sexless) relationship. And she wants her first time (she's a virgin), to be 'special', which I am understanding enough to manage.

But she says she wants sex too, just due to all of her restrictions, it seems impossible.

I get my own place this September/October so I guess she can come around then, but that's still 10-11 months away, so almost 2 years into the relationship, whereas if we lived together and saw each other everyday, we probably would have after 2 months.

I have asked her about having sex earlier in the year (for example our anniversary is in Feb, and her birthday not too long after, and mine just went past, which she gave me oral), but she says she won't be allowed out for long enough and she wants it to be special, so though we've had chances to do it in random places, it wouldn't be special to her.

I mean I can think of hotel room, it would be nice to have a meal, a luxurious bed, just me and her alone, somewhere away from home, the sense of independance, feeling like a married couple, go for a walk, meal, drinks, dance, whatever else she wants to do to make it special, then bedroom and it would be a nice night... but she says she won't be allowed out long enough to do that. :frown:

Shall we just wait another year, though it may be hard for both of us (more recently her more than me :mmm:

- which is a massive turn on :sogood:

) but it will be soooooooooooooo rewarding?

I mean I love her, and only her, and I guess it gives us more time to spend together and do 'couple-y' things and just takes the trust and love and want for each other even further, if it's not far enough already. :smile:

If anybody has any suggestions where two people can have sex where time is limited, parents restrict everything, there's a bed :rolleyes:

, and it can be special with just two people alone, i'd appreciate it, otherwise I guess i'll just accept waiting and hope it's rewarding with her.

Thanks! :smile:

Reply 1

SpiritedAway

Can I ask how old you guys are?

Reply 2

Cinqueta

Get a hotel room during the day? Make the best of what you can do, rather than thinking of what you can't.

Reply 3

OneYearLDR

Original post by SpiritedAway

Can I ask how old you guys are?

I'm 19 (turned about 2 weeks ago), she's 18 (turns 19 in 2 months).

Reply 4

Panda Vinnie

Feel like a married couple? :lolwut:

Reply 5

OneYearLDR

Original post by Panda Vinnie

Feel like a married couple? :lolwut:

Don't people have their 'honeymoons' in hotels in a destination away from home? :holmes:

Reply 6

SpiritedAway

Original post by OneYearLDR

I'm 19 (turned about 2 weeks ago), she's 18 (turns 19 in 2 months).

Sorry, but I'm 19 (soon 20) and been in an LDR just 1 month longer than you, and for 12 months of that we were living in different sides of Europe, yet we manage. My parents weren't pleased either, but you need to realise that you are both adults now, and your parents do not control your virginity. Plus, this relationship is between you and your gf, not you, your gf, your parents and hers. You need to make your decisions as adults, and if you want to do the hotel thing, then do it. What are her parents going to do? Throw her out? Then they obviously aren't caring as they try to make themselves out to be. People have sex and people get into relationships, your parents need to learn that, because I bet when they were your age, they couldn't keep their hands off each other.

Reply 7

James4d

Problem is, once you have sex, you'll want it again more than ever. Until you fix the problem of the parents and their restrictions you're better of waiting.

That's the main issue to worry about- being able to convince the parents to let you guys have a sexual relationship. Work on that first.

Reply 8

riotgrrl

Ohhh man, I can relate. Back when my LDR started and we weren't allowed alone in the house together whilst my parents were out, we suddenly developed an interest in long walks in the country :p:

I think her parents are being a bit ridiculously strict for someone who's 18 and been with their other half for a year though, even my mum mellowed by that point- are they really religious or something? I always thought the hotel room idea sounded a bit contrived but if she's up for it, I don't see why not.

Reply 9

OneYearLDR

Original post by SpiritedAway

Just a few things I should have mentioned, which cause further problems...

- We're both Asian, thus religiously and culturally, it wouldn't be accepted and though us two personally could give a ****, our parents would (well I stand up to mine, she can't) kill us

- The very last point - yes, true, probably. All men and women who are attracted probably can't keep their hands off each other; but they were married, we are not

- She's considered leaving home and I offered her to live with me and just forget about her parents, but her mum said if she did anything to 'disgrace' the family (the stupid bitch cares about her family pride more than her daughters happiness :facepalm2:

), then she'd disown the girl and commit suicide.

After careful consideration, she said she'd rather be disowned and live with me, but she'd feel too selfish about her needs and wants, over her families (which imo is fine), but most especially, she can't take the risk of her mum committing suicide, because she seemed dead serious. :s-smilie:

Reply 10

OneYearLDR

Original post by James4d

That's never going to happen, if you read post 10, you'll understand why.

They don't even know we're together, and rightly so, if they did, I don't even want to imagine the consequences... :lolwut:

But yeah, I don't mind waiting, she's certainly worth it, imo. :smile:

Reply 11

SuperKell

Question:

If you big it up so much like this, how would you feel if a)You couldn't get it up, b)She was nervous as too tight and in pain.

Reply 12

OneYearLDR

Original post by SuperKell

Question:

If you big it up so much like this, how would you feel if a)You couldn't get it up, b)She was nervous as too tight and in pain.

Nerves would obviously be a natural part first time sex for her, so i'd just make her feel more comfortable, more foreplay, even if it required me to show more love, i'd just let her snuggle into me for a while, and kiss her a lot, going very slowly and putting her before me, communicating all the way. :smile:

And I don't know why your question(s) were relevant, but I wouldn't have a problem getting it up, I am more than sexually attracted to her, you know.

:wink:

Reply 13

Blueflare

Just go to a hotel in the day. Or maybe a friend's place, if they'd be willing to allow that lol.

Reply 14

Dogatonic

I cannot believe your username, OP.

Reply 15

likaspider

The hotel room idea seems good enough, if she's up for it I don't see why you can't do that. Im in a Long distance relationship as well, and I only get to see her for 6 weeks every year, due to the fact that she lives on the other side of the planet. How do you think I feel :frown:

but we deal with it. But if you guys really have no other option but to wait til next year, and if you guys really are 100% comfortable with each other, I'd suggest phone sex is the way to go xD it'll subdue the urge for now.

Reply 16

OneYearLDR

Original post by Blueflare

Just go to a hotel in the day. Or maybe a friend's place, if they'd be willing to allow that lol.

I wouldn't mind the hotel, I just don't see the time, unless her mum suddenly stops becoming so weird. :frown:

Guess I will just wait until September/October, where we've talked about her taking the contraceptive pill too. :smile:

Reply 17

SuperKell

Original post by OneYearLDR

It would be naive to think that its going to 100% work, even after that it might not. You say shes a virgin, what if she has vaginsimus for example?

Original post by OneYearLDR

And I don't know why your question(s) were relevant, but I wouldn't have a problem getting it up, I am more than sexually attracted to her, you know. :wink:

The questions were just to try and make you think how you both would feel if it sex failed? All this set up- then for failure, might make you feeling bitter torwards each other? Especially if you havea 5/6 hour train journey between you.

Then again it will most likely work fine and you'll be away like the duracell bunnies.