Sex, love.

I have a physical condition which is hidden under my clothes. So basically, i look like a regular girl to everyone. I was in a 3 year relationship and after a year and a half, i finally opened up to him and told him about it. It was difficult, but he accepted it, but to this day i wonder if the relationship ended so easily because he didn't really accept it. He treated me differently whether he realised it or not. He saw me practically naked a few times before the relationship ended, it took me all the courage in the world to be that close to someone. But we never had sex.

I'm 18, i'm a virgin. That doesn't really bother me. It's the thought of never having sex because i want love first. I find myself wishing for the sort of intimacy you get from love making. Yet, i can't see anybody fully accepting and loving me despite my condition. After my boyfriend and i split, i understood that to tell anybody about my condition was to inevitably have them change the way they think about me, and treat me like i have less worth and am lucky to be with them. I assured myself i'd not be stupid enough to let myself be so vulnerable and get hurt again, and that i didn't need a boyfriend. But my dumbass heart is at it again.

My friend. Known each other for 6 years. We pretty much used to be best friends, until we drifted apart. I know he's liked me in the past. We've started speaking a lot again. I like him, a lot. He's perfect for me. I can imagine myself with him in the future. Stupid. I'm far too scared to take it any further because he doesn't know my secret. Telling him would change everything. It'd ruin our friendship and i'd be shattered again.

I think i should just get a dildo lol, and stop hoping for this whole 'loving intimate relationship' thing. WJETNGAFIJRGAj.