Give him another chance, or get rid?

Background (significantly shortened):

Dated hot, successful, funny, almost perfect guy. But he is unreliable, sometimes he is all over me and other times I dont hear from him for a couple of weeks. This was a year ago, I ended it because I found it annoying. I dont expect constant attention but blowing hot and cold, being so polar opposite is not acceptable.

We got back together in September. Everything was great..UNTIL HE STARTED DOING THE SAME THING AGAIN. Last time it was because he "wasnt sure he was ready for a relationship"....this time he said " I want to make this work with you, i like you a lot"

In fairness he has businesses abroad, and the country in whcih one of his businesses is, the stock exchange collapsed, so I appreciate entirely that he is busy. I text him briefly last week, he replied immediately (but hadnt to my previous 2 texts) saying that he was back sometime this week. I have not heard anything from him for a good 10 days now.

Maybe Im being paranoid or some sort of attention whore.....? Im not sure whether to persue this or let it go. Does he want me or not? Am I stamping my little feet because im being impatient? Am I allowing the past to make me over cautious?

Hmmmm.....Give me the realities please. Thankies :h:

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 1

QwentyJ

14

Original post by Miss_Scarlett

Background (significantly shortened):

Dated hot, successful, funny, almost perfect guy. But he is unreliable, sometimes he is all over me and other times I dont hear from him for a couple of weeks. This was a year ago, I ended it because I found it annoying. I dont expect constant attention but blowing hot and cold, being so polar opposite is not acceptable.

We got back together in September. Everything was great..UNTIL HE STARTED DOING THE SAME THING AGAIN. Last time it was because he "wasnt sure he was ready for a relationship"....this time he said " I want to make this work with you, i like you a lot"

In fairness he has businesses abroad, and the country in whcih one of his businesses is, the stock exchange collapsed, so I appreciate entirely that he is busy. I text him briefly last week, he replied immediately (but hadnt to my previous 2 texts) saying that he was back sometime this week. I have not heard anything from him for a good 10 days now.

Maybe Im being paranoid or some sort of attention whore.....? Im not sure whether to persue this or let it go. Does he want me or not? Am I stamping my little feet because im being impatient?

Hmmmm.....Give me the realities please. Thankies :h:

I'm seeing a pattern, Kat!

He wanted you back because you were the best thing to happen to him. Funnily enough, he's gone back to his ways now that he's got you back again. I think it's odd that a BF only bothers to communicate with alarming rarity or irregularity!

Reply 2

xoxAngel_Kxox

21

He's messing you around, personally I'd get rid, but it's easy for me to say that from here x

Reply 3

asdfg0987

13

Am I the only one who's really curious about what that country is? The one where the stock exchange collapsed? : $

Reply 4

Climbontoyourseahorse

9

He has you exactly where he wants you and he is calling all the shots. And he has proven on more than one occasion that he is flaky. The second time he was flaky, he told you it was because he wanted to make things work with you - how does that add up? I don't think you should be asking yourself or other people whether he wants you. Ask him. But more importantly, and this was my main point, ask yourself if you really want someone who is either going to give you heartbreak or fear that he might break your heart. Even if things did go right and you made it work, wouldn't you be kind of wondering in the back of your mind why it didn't work out the first time?
This sounds like a horrible thing to say and I appreciate that some people genuinely aren't in the right place for a relationship, but 'I'm not ready' usually means that they're just not that serious. If Miss Right came along (who'd have to be very gullible; this guy sounds like an ego-trip), he'd probably get right in there.
You deserve better than this. I think it's your turn to call the shots and tell him where to get off.

Reply 5

chipskylark

2

Sounds like he's just messing you around and only wants you when it suits him, I'd get rid!

Reply 6

littlehobbit

10

I, too, think that he is being out of order. You've been understanding in terms of him being busy, but there is no reason as to why he can't contact you at least one a day or several times a week if he's abroad. You need to talk to him, tell him that if he doesn't shape up, you're going?

Reply 7

Gabbycat_Almighty

Original post by Miss_Scarlett

Background (significantly shortened):

Dated hot, successful, funny, almost perfect guy. But he is unreliable, sometimes he is all over me and other times I dont hear from him for a couple of weeks. This was a year ago, I ended it because I found it annoying. I dont expect constant attention but blowing hot and cold, being so polar opposite is not acceptable.

We got back together in September. Everything was great..UNTIL HE STARTED DOING THE SAME THING AGAIN. Last time it was because he "wasnt sure he was ready for a relationship"....this time he said " I want to make this work with you, i like you a lot"

In fairness he has businesses abroad, and the country in whcih one of his businesses is, the stock exchange collapsed, so I appreciate entirely that he is busy. I text him briefly last week, he replied immediately (but hadnt to my previous 2 texts) saying that he was back sometime this week. I have not heard anything from him for a good 10 days now.

Maybe Im being paranoid or some sort of attention whore.....? Im not sure whether to persue this or let it go. Does he want me or not? Am I stamping my little feet because im being impatient? Am I allowing the past to make me over cautious?

Hmmmm.....Give me the realities please. Thankies :h:

Thats harsh of him. I think you should talk to him about it first, and if he refuses to see that he's doing the same thing as before, or doesn't change even after you've pointed out to him that what he's doing is unfair and is upsetting you, then ditch!

Reply 8

member520746

I think you should be talking to him about this rather than the internet.

Reply 9

unknownking321

14

Sounds like you're good in bed. :yes:

Reply 10

Neil_K

15

Original post by Miss_Scarlett

Background (significantly shortened):

Dated hot, successful, funny, almost perfect guy. But he is unreliable, sometimes he is all over me and other times I dont hear from him for a couple of weeks. This was a year ago, I ended it because I found it annoying. I dont expect constant attention but blowing hot and cold, being so polar opposite is not acceptable.

We got back together in September. Everything was great..UNTIL HE STARTED DOING THE SAME THING AGAIN. Last time it was because he "wasnt sure he was ready for a relationship"....this time he said " I want to make this work with you, i like you a lot"

In fairness he has businesses abroad, and the country in whcih one of his businesses is, the stock exchange collapsed, so I appreciate entirely that he is busy. I text him briefly last week, he replied immediately (but hadnt to my previous 2 texts) saying that he was back sometime this week. I have not heard anything from him for a good 10 days now.

Maybe Im being paranoid or some sort of attention whore.....? Im not sure whether to persue this or let it go. Does he want me or not? Am I stamping my little feet because im being impatient? Am I allowing the past to make me over cautious?

Hmmmm.....Give me the realities please. Thankies :h:

Is he an older guy by any chance?? In his 30s or 40s? Just from the fact that he's got businesses abroad etc suggests that.

But as for your question whether to get rid....have you expressed your needs to him and told him how you feel about him acting like this? Just tell him straight you want a guy who can be more reliable, and if he can't give you what he wants then obviously you're not compatible and need to go your separate ways, or just keep the relationship as a less serious thing.

But either way, you've got to set things straight with him.

Reply 11

Ilora-Danon

3

Kat, it sounds to me like he's just being himself. Unfortunately, you're the kind of person who needs someone who is attentive and constant in their affections.

I'm the same. My ex blew hot and cold and it drove me to distraction. I hated it and now we're not together, I know it's something I can't deal with when I do get into another relationship in the future.

So Kat, I think you need to decide whether you like him enough to accept that he is like that and whether or not you can compromise on what you want from someone in order to be with him.

I personally, won't compromise on it again. Not for anyone. :hugs:

Reply 12

unknownking321

14

Original post by Ilora-Danon

Kat, it sounds to me like he's just being himself. Unfortunately, you're the kind of person who needs someone who is attentive and constant in their affections.

I'm the same. My ex blew hot and cold and it drove me to distraction. I hated it and now we're not together, I know it's something I can't deal with when I do get into another relationship in the future.

So Kat, I think you need to decide whether you like him enough to accept that he is like that and whether or not you can compromise on what you want from someone in order to be with him.

I personally, won't compromise on it again. Not for anyone. :hugs: