Don't know what to do!!!

Please keep anon or delete,

I married a man in his home country (we are muslims, if you're wondering about the early marriage) and lived with him there and here throughout 2009. About 9 months ago, he came here to do his masters degree at the same uni as me.

He keeps his skype logged on to my computer and I saw new notifications, but I didn't imagine that he was hiding anything. I thought it was a missed call that I could pass the message on to him, I just really wasn't thinking, but obviously it was WRONG. I just seriously thought it was an innocent, oh lets pass on the message kinda thing. I thought because he kept his skype logged on to my computer that it wasn't really private.

Anyway, I found texts from him to another girl saying things such as;

"Honey, hope you still have the flowers in your hand that I gave you, lets meet in so or so restaurant if you are free xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx [boyfriends name] xxxxxxxxxxx, txt me back on [number]"

"Heyyy honey tell me if you're going to so or so club see you there [boyfriends name]"

Anyway, I confronted him about it and he looked totally shocked. He finally said "its a joke".. whatever that means.

Then he said he it for his friend who met a girl. I asked him why his name and his number then? He said because his friend wanted to use another name because he already has a girlfriend.

If this is true, he's a muslim and he's using his name and number. Worst thing is these clubs are on our same street. He's whoring out his name and number, getting a bad reputation, and he's with me!

Now he's hiding her number (we're on skype trying to call someone but he's covering up her number on the screen) and refusing to let me see again.

He says he will call his friend (the guy he says he is texting her for) and talk about it on speaker.. but the idea that he's still hiding from me is making so mad. I mean he says I shouldn't be involved, it's not my business but her number is his business? Some random chick is worth losing his muslim marriage for?? I just feel so bad because before him I'd never even kissed a guy before, the closest I've been to men is anatomy class in university (which by the way, I left for a year to be with him in his country).

The worst thing is he's saying he did nothing wrong, her number isn't my business maybe it's not, but the fact he's hiding pretty much shows something if she's nothing to her.

What does everyone think? Sorry that it's so long.. I'm just so sad.

Hmm...personally it doesnt sound like he is respecting your feelings very much. Its hard for me to give my opinion because I dont know everything about the situation but based on what you have said he sound quite defensive. Why would he be willing to lie for another friend who has a girlfriend already? Why approve of that behaviour? ...at the end of the day you know him better than anyone else so just trust your gut feeling about this. Good luck

Exactly why would he be willing? And knowing that he might get caught from his own girlfriend.. is he really expecting me to think this guy's relationship is worth ruining his own for? Perhaps it is.. just another disrespectful time waster. Thanks

I don't want to be insensitive or anything but I think it's clear that the guy is playing you.

Have a talk with him, let him know how you feel and see what he has to say and then take it from there.

Indeed. That brand of rational tact sounds like it's going to get her somewhere in this scenario...

I talked to him and he says it's not really my business and it's between him, her and his friend and that's why he's still hiding from me. Thanks for the advice though.

I guess I just wanted to know what other people thought. It hurts a lot to trust someone and find out they are like this. And then I have to find the money to leave and pray he'll grant me a divorce (I need his permission) don't know what to do.

Ah, you didn't pick up on the heavy sarcasm.


Oh dear.


Look, I have no idea what the solution is, but I think this guy is bad news.

Indeed. That brand of rational tact sounds like it's going to get her somewhere in this scenario...