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I'm gona lose my girlfriend!!

Hi,

I have a problem.....and its my fault.
I am terribly in love with my girlfriend, (Man up you're gona say, but, I can't help it can I!), and I'm being too clingy, but I just can't stop...

We're away from each other at the moment. The thing is, when we're together I'm not clingy or anything at all. When, we're together we are almost always with her friends, so, I just accept that, and just love being by her side. But, as soon as I am away from her, and like at the moment I am away from her or 2 more weeks, I start talking complete **** on msn! I send too many facebook messages!! I ask too many stupid questions! "Are you finding it hard us not seeing eachother?" asking too much questions the past, telling her I miss her, far too f*****n much! But, I'm just saying the truth!:redface: And I feel like I will lose her......

Shes the one in the relationship which is the "I can live without you in my life...".....I need to switch it!! I need to be that person in our relationship!

What do I have to do guys? It hasn't gone far enough where she has brought it up, so, its now that I have to change! Because when we're together its amazing, its just inbetween, I say and act stupidly and pathetic!

From tomorrow, I'm not gona send messages and crap. I'm going to back off, just be happy that I am in a relationship with someone I like a lot and, let her be the one to initiate future messages/conversations until I see her again in 2 weeks.

Advice please!
(edited 13 years ago)

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Reply 1
Avatar for Deus Irae
Deus Irae
First of all, nobody likes a clinger. You already solved your own problem by not writing her anymore messages. Wait for her to respond (if she does). Otherwise, it ain't the end of the world :wink:
Original post by tekkers90
Hi,

I have a problem.....and its my fault.
I am terribly in love with my girlfriend, (Man up you're gona say, but, I can't help it can I!), and I'm being too clingy, but I just can't stop...

We're away from each other at the moment. The thing is, when we're together I'm not clingy or anything at all. When, we're together we are almost always with her friends, so, I just accept that, and just love being by her side. But, as soon as I am away from her, and like at the moment I am away from her or 2 more weeks, I start talking complete **** on msn! I send too many facebook messages!! I ask too many stupid questions! "Are you finding it hard us not seeing eachother?" asking too much questions the past, telling her I miss her, far too f*****n much! But, I'm just saying the truth!:redface: And I feel like I will lose her......

Shes the one in the relationship which is the "I can live without you in my life...".....I need to switch it!! I need to be that person in our relationship!

What do I have to do guys? It hasn't gone far enough where she has brought it up, so, its now that I have to change! Because when we're together its amazing, its just inbetween, I say and act stupidly and pathetic!

From tomorrow, I'm not gona send messages and crap. I'm going to back off, just be happy that I am in a relationship with someone I like a lot and, let her be the one to initiate future messages/conversations until I see her again in 2 weeks.

Advice please!


You need a balance, don't withdraw completely.

If you have something to say, or a rant or whatever, write it down, and then don't send it for a day or two,- re read it and see if you was justified/really want to say it.

Try to sense when she wants to talk and when she does not.

You're part of her life, she is part of yours,- but not the centre of it.

It may take time, just try hard and a habit will follow.
You've already addressed the problem if you keep thinking like you are. Just bear in mind that your behaviour is irritating when you get the urge to start sending her pointless messages all the time, and calm and reason will logically follow. I used to be the same way, you've just got to step back and give some space.
Reply 4
Avatar for tekkers90
tekkers90
OP
Original post by super.teve
You need a balance, don't withdraw completely.

If you have something to say, or a rant or whatever, write it down, and then don't send it for a day or two,- re read it and see if you was justified/really want to say it.

Try to sense when she wants to talk and when she does not.

You're part of her life, she is part of yours,- but not the centre of it.

It may take time, just try hard and a habit will follow.



Thanks, that was a good reply.

The problem is, is that I am use to seeing her all the time, so I don't ever feel the need to send cringey messages, and feel like I have to be in contact with her a lot. But, I am so excited to see her again in 2 weeks (been away from her for 3 weeks) its just getting on top of me and I know I'm being really over the top and sort of sufficating her with the stuff I'm saying.

Plus, I'm bored at the moment because I'm away from work etc.

But, I agree with what you said. And, I'll just try and be calm, and positive that I'm going to see her soon. It's almost like, when I feel emotion of any sort I go and tell her by sending messages. :rolleyes:
Reply 5
Avatar for SoapyDish
SoapyDish
14
Talk to her about it. If you suddenly back off when you've been as keen as you are now, she'll think something's up and that you're no longer interested. It might be that she loves the attention, and just is not as obvious about how she feels.

I swear 99% of H&R threads can be answered with "talk to them"...
Original post by SoapyDish
Talk to her about it. If you suddenly back off when you've been as keen as you are now, she'll think something's up and that you're no longer interested. It might be that she loves the attention, and just is not as obvious about how she feels.

I swear 99% of H&R threads can be answered with "talk to them"...


actually it's about 70%, the rest can be answered with "go see your GP" :wink:
Reply 7
Avatar for lolmuslim
lolmuslim
Don't stop talking to her completely. Just cut it down. The time you cut down, find a nice Muslim girl to spend it with.
Reply 8
Avatar for Linzikins
Linzikins
12
You'll need "unbelievable tekkers!" :colone:
(edited 13 years ago)
Reply 9
Avatar for tekkers90
tekkers90
OP
Original post by SoapyDish
Talk to her about it. If you suddenly back off when you've been as keen as you are now, she'll think something's up and that you're no longer interested. It might be that she loves the attention, and just is not as obvious about how she feels.

I swear 99% of H&R threads can be answered with "talk to them"...



This is the thing. She is very much a person who doesn't obviously show their feelings. She has told me a couple of days ago that she loves me more than anything in the world...........Ok, great:biggrin: But, I still feel I am too over the top with messages etc, and then I say stupid things like "I know I need to give you more space" or "I know I'm sending to many messages"....but she has never said "Yeh, thats true".......she just ses "don't worry, I like reading the messages"....

Now, I just want to ask her "Maybe you like the attention I give you..." but, then its like questioning things, that you shouldnt question...

ahhh duuude....I'm not cut out for this love stuff...I cant control my emotions!!:redface:
Reply 10
Avatar for Yawn11
Yawn11
20
Original post by SoapyDish

I swear 99% of H&R threads can be answered with "talk to them"...


But to that, they'll first need to "Man up".
You sound like my ex :colone:
Original post by Rooster523
actually it's about 70%, the rest can be answered with "go see your GP" :wink:


LMAO. :biggrin:
Reply 13
Avatar for ShnnyShiz
ShnnyShiz
6
Original post by tekkers90
Hi,

Advice please!


Fundamental problem is not her or the relationship, but you. The reason you're being so clingy, or anyone for that matter, is insecurity. From that post, it's pretty clear that you're very worried about losing your girlfriend because you're afraid you're being too clingy. That's being insecure about being insecure!
I don't want to delve into this, but the more confident you become, the less you'll worry and the less clingy you'll be. At the moment, it's a vicious cycle. Worrying about losing her is making you more clingy and being more clingy is making you worry more about losing her. All this comes down to lack of confidence in the end - there have been hundreds of books written about this. You'll have to do that on your own. But there's no quick fix solution I'm afraid..
Reply 14
Avatar for tekkers90
tekkers90
OP
Original post by ShnnyShiz
Fundamental problem is not her or the relationship, but you. The reason you're being so clingy, or anyone for that matter, is insecurity. From that post, it's pretty clear that you're very worried about losing your girlfriend because you're afraid you're being too clingy. That's being insecure about being insecure!
I don't want to delve into this, but the more confident you become, the less you'll worry and the less clingy you'll be. At the moment, it's a vicious cycle. Worrying about losing her is making you more clingy and being more clingy is making you worry more about losing her. All this comes down to lack of confidence in the end - there have been hundreds of books written about this. You'll have to do that on your own. But there's no quick fix solution I'm afraid..



That is so ******* true my head just exploded.:mad:
Well although everyone is saying blah blah blah no-one likes a clinger, I actually personally do, and absolutely hate it when guys suddenly go cold :|
However, if your gf gets bored when a guy loves her :rolleyes: maybe you should just still be really nice and tell her you love her, but when you start to get that desperate feeling that you just need to hold on to her, just leave it, take a deep breath, relax, and remember that she loves you :smile:

Also, I have a technique for releiving the anxiety; write down 'I'm going to lose her' on a piece of paper, then rip it up really dramatically :smile: I know it's an old technique, but I was told just today by my psychologist that it really works :smile:
Good Luck
x
(edited 13 years ago)
Reply 16
Avatar for tekkers90
tekkers90
OP
Original post by IndigoRockGirl
Well although everyone is saying blah blah blah no-one likes a clinger, I actually personally do, and absolutely hate it when guys suddenly go cold :|
However, if your gf gets bored when a guy loves her :rolleyes: maybe you should just still be really nice and tell her you love her, but when you start to get that desperate feeling that you just need to hold on to her, just leave it, take a deep breath, relax, and remember that she loves you :smile:

Also, I have a technique for releiving the anxiety; write down 'I'm going to lose her' on a piece of paper, then rip it up really dramatically :smile: I know it's an old technique, but I was told just today by my psychologist that it really works :smile:
Good Luck
x


Haha. Thanks for the support haha:smile:

I've only been like this for the past couple of weeks, because I'm staying with family over Christmas and new year and I have never been away from her before. And, when we're together its amazing, but I didn't know I was going to find it this hard. Obviously I'm finding it harder than she is, but I can't help it.

So, I just sent her a message, and I'm just trying to have a laugh about me sending lots of messages....and trying to get across to her that its not a bad thing, its just that I love her so much haha. I said this:

Haha. Guess what. I told myself "Do not write messages all the time! It is not good!". What am I doing now? Yes, writing a message. Why? Because .... I miss you! And I can not help it! Hahaha. And, on 01 January or 04 January, I will not have to write more stupid messages, because I'll be by your side :smile: x

Is that, really that bad?:colondollar:
Original post by tekkers90
Haha. Thanks for the support haha:smile:

I've only been like this for the past couple of weeks, because I'm staying with family over Christmas and new year and I have never been away from her before. And, when we're together its amazing, but I didn't know I was going to find it this hard. Obviously I'm finding it harder than she is, but I can't help it.

So, I just sent her a message, and I'm just trying to have a laugh about me sending lots of messages....and trying to get across to her that its not a bad thing, its just that I love her so much haha. I said this:

Haha. Guess what. I told myself "Do not write messages all the time! It is not good!". What am I doing now? Yes, writing a message. Why? Because .... I miss you! And I can not help it! Hahaha. And, on 01 January or 04 January, I will not have to write more stupid messages, because I'll be by your side :smile: x

Is that, really that bad?:colondollar:


:smile: no, it's not bad, it's just about the sweetest thing I've ever heard! She's a lucky girl lol x
Reply 18
Avatar for Roo Bix
Roo Bix
11
Original post by tekkers90
Haha. Guess what. I told myself "Do not write messages all the time! It is not good!". What am I doing now? Yes, writing a message. Why? Because .... I miss you! And I can not help it! Hahaha. And, on 01 January or 04 January, I will not have to write more stupid messages, because I'll be by your side :smile: x

Is that, really that bad?:colondollar:


It's not bad, and it is rather sweet.

But when reading the first post, and your other posts, this is just yet another thing that screams 'clingy'. Just pass your texts through a filter before sending them off. Perhaps re-arrange your wording:

"Idiots say that they wont message and then do it :smile: But I wanted to let you know I can't wait for the 4th (or the 1st) x"
Original post by tekkers90
Hi,

I have a problem.....and its my fault.
I am terribly in love with my girlfriend, (Man up you're gona say, but, I can't help it can I!), and I'm being too clingy, but I just can't stop...

We're away from each other at the moment. The thing is, when we're together I'm not clingy or anything at all. When, we're together we are almost always with her friends, so, I just accept that, and just love being by her side. But, as soon as I am away from her, and like at the moment I am away from her or 2 more weeks, I start talking complete **** on msn! I send too many facebook messages!! I ask too many stupid questions! "Are you finding it hard us not seeing eachother?" asking too much questions the past, telling her I miss her, far too f*****n much! But, I'm just saying the truth!:redface: And I feel like I will lose her......

Shes the one in the relationship which is the "I can live without you in my life...".....I need to switch it!! I need to be that person in our relationship!

What do I have to do guys? It hasn't gone far enough where she has brought it up, so, its now that I have to change! Because when we're together its amazing, its just inbetween, I say and act stupidly and pathetic!

From tomorrow, I'm not gona send messages and crap. I'm going to back off, just be happy that I am in a relationship with someone I like a lot and, let her be the one to initiate future messages/conversations until I see her again in 2 weeks.

Advice please!


Altough I didn't act on it, I felt very similar things to you when I was in a relationship so I understand the thought process.

Why do you feel the urge to send these messages and ask these things? Is there a trust issue? If so you need to decide if you can trust her enough to let it carry on. If you can, great! Now start to let trust take over when you get the urge to send the messages. Are you just worried that she doesn't know how much you miss her? If so, allow yourself to ring her occasionally to tell her that but stop yourself from telling her every 5 minutes.

These are just suggestions but it really does help you to understand what you're thinking. If you're really unsure then talk to your girlfriend about it! She'll only be happy to help put your mind at rest :smile: After all, she won't want you to feel like you're going to lose her over something so simple. You might find that a chat about how you both feel when you're apart helps to make the relationship stronger. Communication is key.

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