What is the best thing i should do?

(edited 12 years ago)

Original post by The Leper Affinity

Me and my ex girlfriend went to separate unis, we broke up about a month ago because the people i spent time with at uni turned me into someone she didn't want to be with anymore. I took it badly because i hadn't realise how much i'd changed.

Anyway, we are both back at home now and i saw her yesterday for the first time in a month. She said that i was once again the nice person that she knew before uni, and she would get back together with me but she can't be sure if i won't change back into the horrible person when back at uni.

I have realised i was a total dick head and have promised to change, which i will because i love her so much but she keeps saying she can't promise me anything and will have to see what its like when we are back.

This whole thing is killing me because i'm totally besotted with this girl; we were together for 2 and a half years before uni and rarely had any arguments or falling outs, this is the biggest problem we have had to deal with.

Should i wait until we're both back at uni to see whether we can get back together? Or should i say thats it; i should move on..

Sorry about the length of it but i figured people should know the bigger picture.

Thanks

Personally I think if I was in your situation I'd consider the real reasons she has done this. Try and talk to her.

Do you think it is the 'person you have become'? Or just the fact you are so far away that she cannot keep tabs on the kind of things you are doing?

Is it a long-distance relationship problem or a personality one? Because getting to the bottom of that should help you deal with some of the issues.

You shouldnt have to change your friendship groups at Uni for somebody if you are happy in them - so bare that in mind too.

Reply 2

Roo Bix

You need to remember who you are, who you are being and who you want to be.

Reply 3

username392640

why should you change for her though?

Reply 4

mollymustard

Original post by The Leper Affinity

Thanks, i think it is my change in personality that did it, i think i became aggressive, ruder, i started smoking ect, all these things that really put her off, we don't actually live that far away from each other, only a one and a half hour train journey. Now i'm at home with friends and things, its better

I think you are right in the sense that she can't see everything i'm doing and maybe only picking up on the bad, but i started using the C word infront of her, i would have never have done that but i did;

and yes' new friends are needed next term i think.

If you feel the change to then this is only a good thing. At least you are aware of how your behaviour is having a negative effect on things - and can now move forward.

Only make promises you know you can keep though, thats the only way to keep things fair!

Reply 5

TravelGuru

I don't think it was long at all, it was nice and concise.

Tell me, what exactly did you do at Uni to upset her and make you into a 'total dickhead'

Reply 6

member520746

Original post by TheProdigy2k9

why should you change for her though?

He describes himself as being a dick so a change for the better is no bad thing. We all change for or because of love so there is no reason for him to persist in being a dick if he wants to be with this girl. Otherwise he would just lose her because of his dickery and then cease to be a dick anyway after the lovesick months of crying and drinking and listening to 'It's Oh So Quiet' by Bjork on repeat which shake him to the core.

Reply 7

Shaun1991

If you changed in Uni without realising, then you're just being yourself. If you have to consciously change so as to make her happy, is that really fair on you?

Reply 8

Roo Bix

Original post by The Leper Affinity

I don't want to be horrible and rude though. i think of myself to be a nice person, not a swearing, smoking thug... now i'm back at home with old friends i feel more myself. i just want to continue being nice at uni

Are you a horrible and rude person?

Reply 9

username47781

If you are a nice person and was just being a dick because you were trying to impress your new friends at Uni then that's the worst thing to do. If your friends don't like who you are then it's their problem. I would suggest having another go at talking to your ex, but you will need to prove to her you really want her.