How has mental illness affected your life?

I've suffered from pretty severe OCD for five years now; it crushed myself confidence and made me a pretty messed up individual.

Only now am I kind of coming to terms with the fact that I really do need help (taken long enough)..and I'm so tired of having to pretend everything's okay- I daren't moan about it incase I annoy people.

My parents still don't know but I hate to admit I can't help but feel ashamed and embarassed even though I know I shouldn't.

Anyway, I'm interested in how people handle it whether it's yourself or someone you know.

I think that there should be more of an emphasis on recognising mental illnesses because in my experience nobody really talks about them because they're kind of invisible if you get what I mean and my parents have often just labelled me as a 'hormonal' teenager :/

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Reply 1

Amandeep_Psych07

God you're so right.

I've had depression/anxiety for the last 8 years probably. Finally got some help about a year and a half ago and it's helped me a bit. I had to stop seeing my Psychologist because I moved back to uni and I'm off my ADs atm; I can feel myself spiralling back down majorly. I can't stop crying and my mum thinks exactly the same of me; troublesome child. She's stopped listening or caring now so I've dealt with it all on my own. Pm me and talk about it all you want if you feel it'll help.

Reply 2

Anonymous #2

Hmmm its hard sometimes but I try not to let my condition become who I am. Not many people know I suffer from depression ( mainly my mum and close friend at Uni). My friend was suprised because I seemed so happy and friendly all the time to people, she didnt believe me at first but when she saw me one morning after Id done a night of non-stop crying she knew.

My depression has affected my relationships with some people when it gets more sever (especially when I start comparing myself to my friends and avoiding them) but most of the time things are fine but I find it really hard to trust people in general. Also I dont want to get into a relationship because of it and I find it hard eating out when I get panic attacks.
Im finally getting help for it though and hopefully things will improve.

Reply 3

Amandeep_Psych07

Original post by Anonymous

It's easier to pretend everything is okay than deal with the truth sometimes. People don't know how I feel because I never want to tell them - very few people truly understand the extent of what it feels like to be so deeply sad and that you don't want to live anymore. From my experience, I've seen a lot of people be judgemental towards me and mental illness.

I do this. Sometimes I can build up the courage to go out and be with my friends but I feel really anxious when I'm with them.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 4

mazzie111

I struggle with depression and tbh everyday is just an effort. I have dreams but nothing satisfys me. I lost alot of friends through depression and i stopped being able to stick up for myself. I take medication for depression but that just makes me dopey. Its ruined me and noone understands because unlike a broken leg you cant see it really.
I did get help and although its helped a bit i dont think i will ever feel happy.

Reply 5

Anonymous #3

Depression and anxiety here.

It has totally destroyed my life. I was never the popular kid at school but I did occasionally talk to some people, now I can't talk to anyone, I haven't made friends in years, I spend every day alone at uni but despite my continued efforts for the past few years I haven't made any friends. I think it's partly anxiety related and partly depression. I can go months without talking to anyone except my key worker with the mental health team I see, I'm so lonely but I can't connect with people, I shake a load, I sweat, I stutter and stare at the floor and look crazy when put into social situations. I'd love to make some friends but 4 years of trying desperately hard and failing has just shown that I can't.

I'm a student at a very good university, 3rd year, and frankly I think I'm totally ****ed. I've struggled along every year but now things are really bad and I know I'm either getting a fail or, if I'm lucky, a 3rd. I was a top student at school, now I can barely read a paragraph as my concentration from a mixture of psychiatric medications and depression is completely ****ed. Each year things have got worse, deadlines are missed by longer, more classes aren't attended - it's not that I don't want to do well, but I often can't get out of bed and my concentration, like I said, is crap.

The medications are awful, they don't work despite me trying a hell of a lot of them. I just get all the ****ty side effects and nothing positive. Waking up is near impossible, I'm sleepy all the time, I can't think straight, can't concentrate, just generally feel slow and stupid, some other effects I'm embarrassed to mention but **** all the same.

I'm kind of in a relationship, conducted mostly over the net due to long distance, but when we do meet up I don't feel anything anymore. I'm meant to feel happy, I know I love her I just don't feel it anymore, I can't feel anything actually, well, except suicidal - I don't want to live without feelings and I definitely don't want to mess up her life like I messed up mine. I could have done anything after school with my grades, instead I will either fail uni or get a degree I could have done better than, I have hundreds of self harm scars which is going to mess up getting a job or friendships, if it weren't for the anxiety already destroying any chance of a good job/a job at all, the medications make me slow and stupid so any chances for anything is gone there too.

Sorry for the essay heh, I kept coming back to the tab and adding bits, didn't realise how much I'd written. :colondollar:

Reply 6

Anonymous #3

You know what the worst thing is? People saying I just need to try harder, that depression is a state of mind you need to pull yourself out harder to get out of it. :rolleyes:

I've been trying so ****ing hard and things are still on a very much downwards slope, it used to be just depression, now I see things sometimes, the anxiety was manageable and overcomeable now it's overwhelming most of the time. It's not just a state of mind you can pull yourself out of. I tried, it doesn't work.

Reply 7

Anonymous #4

I spent ages typing out a post about how depression and anorexia have affected my life and the post got lost. :cry:

But depression= people telling me to 'snap out of it' and people calling me lazy because I burst into tears at the sight of a sink full of washing up (amongst other things) because it looks too hard to do. When it gets to the point I can't cry, I'm not functioning and I'm probably deeply entrenched in my anorexia, so am not sleeping, not eating, not going to school and will be hospitalised in a while.

Anorexia= doctors telling me it should be easy for me to get better because I haven't been ill for like 5+ years but it's coming up to 2 now and I still feel like ****. Fighting the urge to kill yourself is even more hard when you hate yourself for every mouthful of food you put into your fat worthless body. My parents make it harder by asking me what I've eaten/if I've eaten. It's winter, which is bringing on 'What the **** are you doing? Stop eating! STOP EATING!' thoughts because I was (apparently) very ill this time last year but all I remember was weighing less and feeling dizzy. I'm scared of all the new year diet talk which is triggering as **** because the cultural message is basically 'Eaten too much over Christmas? Lose weight!' and I think that applies to me. Right now I'm fighting the urge to OD on laxatives/painkillers/both because I've just had a plate of chips and I can't stand the guilt. I just basically hate myself more than I did when I was 'just' depressed. And anorexia makes it easier for me to hurt myself because it's made me pretty used to physical pain. Oh and because my perfectionism isn't 'really' being directed into starving myself anymore ( :sad:

) it's basically destroying my life because I hate myself for being a **** anorexic and not doing it properly and actually dying, I hate myself for eating 'too much', I hate myself for not losing weight and I hate myself for not being able to start essays and revision because I'm scared it won't be perfect and that I'll fail anyway. But I'm going to fail if I don't start. I NEED straight As in the same way I need to eat less than X calories a day and because I'm not restricting I feel like I'm going to fail my A levels because not only am I 'fat' without anorexia (It needs to be stamped on my forehead that I'm not actually fat!), I'm also stupid. Struggling at the moment. I do have a treatment team but apparently I'm supposed to be fine until January.

Reply 8

Anonymous #5

It's made me into this really cold and horrible person. I hate everyone and everything around me.

Reply 9

IndigoRockGirl

My mother had schizophrenia from the time she was about 10 to the time she died when I ws 14, and it stopped me from having a childhood : / Also, I have had depression and anxiety for some time now, and it has affected every aspect of my life; social life, school etc. x

Reply 10

Anonymous #6

bipolar. don't handle it, just sort of live with it and go with the flow

i have not yet killed myself, that's always a good sign

OR IS IT? WOE.

no but seriously... i don't handle it. i don't have coping strategies. or anything like that. it's bad, i should probably

Reply 11

blinkbelle

My mum's had bipolar my entire life and it's gone untreated. This has effectively reversed the mother-daughter relationship with us and also had a knock-on effect on my self esteem etc.

My dad is currently suffering from depression and anxiety, and has done so for 3 years now. We're hoping he'll be off the prozac soon and back to his old self. This has had a pretty mahoosive impact on my life as I've always relied on my dad to be a solid influence - kind of necessary given my mum's disposition. It's really been hard these past few years and I've felt more alone than ever before.

I've also suffered from mental health problems intermittently through my life - inevitable really given the family history. I feel like I've come out of it a stronger person though, so it's all good. xx

Reply 12

Roo92

I have struggled with bipolar for quite a while now, im 18 now. Through various hospitalizations, suicide attempts, the disruption of my education, the imploding of much cherished relationships, embarrassments and more I'm still here. I'm in my third year of sixth form, having had to take an extra year since I failed Biology, I now have a conditional offer to read English at Oxford. Things are neutral, but I'm well aware of the nature of what I have, and often have slip ups. I'm not saying if you persevere things will work out because who knows, unfortunately due to seeing what my disease has done to others ( and I do call it a disease because as much as I love the productivity my high's give me, It has almost killed me) I've not had as much freedom to lean on people whenever I want to. This makes me feel sad, and I do hope I don't continue to have any kind of loneliness, but you can find yourself having to make sacrifices. Who knows, maybe it'll kill me, but while I have control (perhaps due to medication and therapy) I will keep going despite the loneliness that has come from me trying to preserve relationships. It's not because I think the world is particularly brilliant, or because I'm against suicide, but its because sometimes good things happen to me (Oxford for example) and it gives me reasons to continue. Find reasons where you can. Maybe you relapse, maybe you don't, but look for little things and if things don't work out you know you've done what you can, you can feel sure of that. Hope I've helped and not offended anyone.

Reply 13

screenager2004

I had depression for five years, it wasn't major, psychotic depression but it was enough to make living not really worth it. I withdrew from my friendship groups, wouldn't leave the house for weeks at a time, ended up getting into fights and put into an isolation unit (which was essentially a cupboard without windows with a desk in it, where I'd sit from 9am until 3pm to do schoolwork alone) broke down into tears a lot during lessons and at work, got sent home, got referred to specialist educational centres for maladjusted children, my attendance dropped by half, scraped through A levels with few good memories, parents tried to persuade me into counselling which I finally went to at university but then ended up dropping out due to hopelessness about future.

blah blah

Anyway, one night I was laying in my bed thinking about how dull the prospect of spending the next 60 years of my life in this state of pointlessness because I'd never have the guts to commit suicide. (I'm sure many of you will know the feeling)
I woke up the next morning and it was just gone. It's like.... have you ever had a moment of epiphany where you suddenly realise you're completely over an ex? I literally woke up and that emptiness had just evaporated and I smiled and felt relaxed and contented in my nice warm bed with the sun spilling in through the window.

And so I've been feeling really great for the last five or six months.

Last week I got a terrible result in a mock exam (it wasn't even a passing grade). I cried when I got home for a good hour, then set out with a new revision plan straight away, put my all into it and saw myself improving immediately. Two days later and I had completely gotten over it, just felt like "Yeah it was a shock, but I'm doing this extra work and it'll pay off and I'm not scared about taking the test" That would have never been the case last year. I'm genuinely astounded how well I coped with it, if that had happened a year ago, it would have totally sapped all my motivation away.

They say we only use 10% of our conscious brainpower, so I believe the human mind does have the potential to pull itself out of depression, just it's a latent ability that we're unable to tap into intentionally. But the possibility is there, if anyone is feeling like they're in for a miserable 80 years on this planet and there's no happiness in the world, I urge you to carry on with the best of your ability and one day you might just wake up feeling like a complete human being again. It could happen to you next week.

Reply 14

Arekkusu

Personally I had standard teenage depression, self-hate and self-esteem issues which have now been supplanted by a reactionary persona development which has worked for me socially in the past. I have a marked tendency towards autistic patterns of thinking - bean counting - which is how I deal with my neurotic tendencies (this is in conjunction with general Asperger-type tendencies which I have been able to overcome to some degree). Since I've gone to uni the depressive side and neurotic side have descended into a sort of generalised brain fog and all my addictive patterns have come back.

On the whole I think I've come out of it all quite well, and the reason I make it sound so bad is that I tend to think at a thousand miles an hour and draw wild conclusions from what others probably experience as standard anyway. Half the time I feel that it's only my mindset that "I have mental difficulties" is the only thing making me see these as mental difficulties. (Then again I deal with a lot of things I can't control by thinking of them as vicious circles - see how analytically I think? This whole post is an example of it!)

Reply 15

Arekkusu

Original post by screenager2004

I don't wish to belittle you, but it's probably because you stopped being a teenager. Yeah, that abruptly. It's strange how things like that seem they should be slow and insidious but actually they're not: I bet you can think of discrete epiphanies in, say, your sexual development, where you realised, wow, this all actually looks quite fun, let's shed the shackles. Weird, huh?

Obviously you need to put the work in like you said with your revision plan. That is actually a bit of an inspiration for me so thanks. :biggrin:

I'm not really the sort to comment on getting neg rep, but I have no idea why this post attracts it! If you're going to have an epiphany like that, I'd argue it's most likely to come after the teenage years when your brain and hormones have settled down. Which gives hope to sufferers of teenage depression like most of you.

(edited 12 years ago)

Reply 16

word2yamother

I had a really low point in the summer where i was close to topping myself but just couldnt because i had a family that loved me. Im generally laid back and not motivated although i used to be motivated. Imca comfortable around people and have a few friends but sometimes i feel really **** about life(not suicidal). To be honest Ive felt **** about life since I was in secondary school but ive never really cared. I find that when I try I can make friends but most of the time I prefer to be alone rather than with people. Reading this thread I can associate with some things being said but Ive never considered myself to have depression. so my question is how do you know if you have depression?

Reply 17

rawwwwr!

Are you from the UK? Cos if so no you're not :/

Reply 18

screenager2004

Original post by Arekkusu

I think it's a bit of a precarious topic to attribute depression to adolescence. Especially considering that prevalence of depression amongst 15-18 year-olds are the same as adult levels, and its' onset is explained by psychosocial factors rather than hormonal fluctuation, and it would raise major ethical questions regarding the clinical professionals who prescribe antidepressants to thousands of teenagers nationwide.