Is it polite/unnecessary to ask the bf if I can meet my ex for coffee?

If he trusts me completely and NOTHING would ever happen. I just feel as this is the first meet-up since a messy break up, where my bf knows how hurt I was, that I should at least tell him I was thinking of going for a civil coffee with my ex. That's absolutely all it would be. Thoughts?

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It's polite to tell him you're meeting.

No need to ask though.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 3

ily_em

My bf did it, I thought it was fine :erm:

Tell, don't ask.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 4

vickie89

dont have to ask if you can as he should trust you and you dont ask if you can meet up with other friends, but i would just say "im meeting up with (whatever his name is) for a coffee tomorrow" that way he knows where youre going and cant moan you havent told him or that youre hiding it.

Reply 5

member520746

Errrr why are you going for coffee with your ex? I can't imagine your current boyfriend would say you can't go or anything but it will play with his head if you don't give him a reasonable explanation even if he doesn't say so.

Reply 6

LadyGaGa

Original post by caseyhayes

Why would you need to meet up with them? It can only cause hurt to your current boyfriend, no matter how much he tries to hide it or trusts you or whatever, you had feelings for this person and it's not fair on your current bf. Might be best to just let the past go and focus on your new relationship rather than delving back into old relationships, especially if they were messy as it might also hurt you! Hope this doesn't sound harsh :redface:

Reply 7

caseyhayes

I'm totally over the ex, don't see the point in losing a friend I guess. Do want to know what's been going on in their uni/work life blah blah. Just seemed a shame to ignore him completely. But don't want to worry the current one..

Reply 8

Glennith

Original post by PerigeeApogee

If I was your boyfriend, your ex wouldn't be getting anywhere near you without me there.

I sense trust issues :holmes:

Reply 9

caseyhayes

Original post by FattyInNeed

Wuh?

Reply 10

Beckyleony

If you want to maintain a healthy relationship with your current boy friend then you should consult him about this meet-up. Lack of communication and togetherness is one of the main reasons for breakups...Never assume ''they're happy with it''. :smile:

Reply 11

*Darcie*

Let's face it, your BF is probably gonna be slightly upset at the least. But you should be honest and tell him you're going. Out of interest, what are you aiming to get out of it? How would you feel if it was the other way around and your BF was meeting up with an ex?

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 12

4TSR

Original post by vickie89

The typical female response:

"Yes do it, you are free no need to ask!"

Well vickie89, if your bf met his ex for a coffee, you would be making an anon thread in the H&R about how your bf went out with his ex for a coffee behind your back...

How the **** is it ok for her to go out with her ex for a coffee without asking her bf? I would really hate it if my gf did that, specially considering how most girls would be in tears if someone went with their partner/ex for a coffee...

Reply 13

xoxAngel_Kxox

Just drop it into conversation, but don't ask, you have every right to go for a coffee with whoever you like. If your bf doesn't like it, just explain that your ex is an ex for a reason.

Reply 14

94_confessions

Original post by PerigeeApogee

If I was your boyfriend, your ex wouldn't be getting anywhere near you without me there.

This.

Reply 15

georgia

Let him know, for sure. Don't ask permission though, that's a bit weird. When I was still dating my ex, he went for drinks with his ex of the time, and I was glad he told me. He did actually say that if I had a problem with it he would call her and cancel, but I felt that would be way unreasonable of me so said that it was down to him etc etc.

Reply 16

Riso

Original post by PerigeeApogee

If I was your boyfriend, your ex wouldn't be getting anywhere near you without me there.

Got to love an over-protective man. Oof.

To the OP. Don't meet with your ex. There's nothing to be gained from it other than hurting your current partner. If you care about this ex-boyfriend that much, are you really ready for a new relationship?
Personally I don't care at all what my ex is up to, he could be dry humping camels in the Sahara for all I care. I wouldn't ever want to hurt my current partner or give him any reason to doubt me.

Reply 17

508836

Original post by Gemma :)!

Just drop it into conversation, but don't ask, you have every right to go for a coffee with whoever you like. If your bf doesn't like it, just explain that your ex is an ex for a reason.

You nicked my avatar :ashamed:

Reply 18

4TSR

Original post by Riso

Yep I agree... She is risking hurting him just for a coffee with an ex... talk about taking things for granted.

And lol @ the your ex and camels :biggrin:

Reply 19

caseyhayes

I was never going to go without telling the bf, I just meant should it be a kinda asking permission type scenario or not.

I thought about role reversal and thought I'd be ok with like a one off meet up as long as it wasn't them meeting up all the time or talking constantly. SO I'm a little surprised with everyone's reaction that this must mean I'm not over the ex or taking the current bf for granted...!

But as I say my bf is the most important thing to me and I wouldnt want to do anything to jeapardise that..