Is it polite/unnecessary to ask the bf if I can meet my ex for coffee?

Reply 40

Glennith

12

Original post by PerigeeApogee

That's right... I don't trust the ex's.

....

Surely if you trust the gf, there is no need to trust the exes...

Unles they're all rapey. :lolwut:

Reply 41

TravelGuru

It would be nice to tell him, shows him you trust him.

Reply 42

PrimateJ

10

Original post by Pink Bullets

If you were in a relationship with them, then surely it's because you liked them as a person. Why would that suddenly change just because the romantic relationship didn't work out? And why would you not want to spend time with people you like? :s-smilie:

I'd be more worried if I was dating someone who avoided all their exes like the plague, quite frankly...

That's distasteful and naive on so many levels. And if you're honest with yourself, it has nothing to do with "liking the person" - it's about the thrill of the taboo of being friends with an ex, and all the labile emotional masturbation and drama that it entails.

Reply 43

Pink Bullets

15

Original post by PrimateJ

That's distasteful and naive on so many levels. And if you're honest with yourself, it has nothing to do with "liking the person" - it's about the thrill of the taboo of being friends with an ex, and all the labile emotional masturbation and drama that it entails.

lolwut?

I wasn't aware there was a "taboo of being friends with an ex". Seriously? If basic social encounters with people you've previously ****ed are so pregnant with "emotional masturbation and drama", maybe you should consider why that is. Because for most normal, well-adjusted adults, they really aren't.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 44

PrimateJ

10

Original post by Pink Bullets

lolwut?

you know, saying it doesn't make it so. distasteful? lol.

Never mind. You sound a bit simple.

Tip: it's distasteful to hang out with exes while you're in a relationship.

Reply 45

Picaa

10

Jealousy is for low-class, loser types. If your bf has any self-respect and confidence, he won't care that you're meeting your EX for coffee. You're not meeting him for a shag... Presumably either your bf trusts you or he doesn't. If he doesn't, you've got bigger problems waiting for you than this meeting with your ex.

Reply 46

CameraGirl

13

i checked that it was ok with my boyfriend before meeting up with my ex, both when i met him just to catch up and straighten things out so we could be friends comfortably, and when i met with him and a group of people. I know he doesn't mind, but I always like to let him know, would rather that than it come across like i was trying to keep it a secret! he knows nothing would every happen anyway :smile:

Reply 47

Buxtons

3

Original post by Pink Bullets

If you were in a relationship with them, then surely it's because you liked them as a person. Why would that suddenly change just because the romantic relationship didn't work out? And why would you not want to spend time with people you like? :s-smilie:

I'd be more worried if I was dating someone who avoided all their exes like the plague, quite frankly...

This is a load of rubbish.

they are an ex for a reason, part of the past, if a relationship ends its because they wern't compatible for whatever reason, I wouldn't be too happy if my girlfriend suddenly wanted to start going for coffees and tea breaks with someone she used to screw, just as she wouldn't be happy if i did the same.

But i don't feel the need to do that, my ex girlfriend was/is a good person, but im not about to start asking her out for coffee just because shes likeable.

I don't know, maybe im just not a weakling that needs to constantly go backwards in time to when things in my life went tits-up, instead i focus on now and the future.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 48

ShnnyShiz

6

Original post by caseyhayes

If he trusts me completely and NOTHING would ever happen. I just feel as this is the first meet-up since a messy break up, where my bf knows how hurt I was, that I should at least tell him I was thinking of going for a civil coffee with my ex. That's absolutely all it would be. Thoughts?

If he hurt you that badly, why go meet him again? Things always get messy when exes get involved, no matter how healthy the relationship. Just a thought.

Reply 49

username392640

14

Original post by caseyhayes

If he trusts me completely and NOTHING would ever happen. I just feel as this is the first meet-up since a messy break up, where my bf knows how hurt I was, that I should at least tell him I was thinking of going for a civil coffee with my ex. That's absolutely all it would be. Thoughts?

if it was a messy break up why do you wanna go to coffee with him?

Reply 50

GdotL

17

Absolutely cannot believe that some guys think this is out of order behaviour! Perhaps if it involved some day trip somewhere or alcohol or staying overnight, fair enough - but a coffee?!

Reply 51

trooper6

6

Original post by caseyhayes

If he trusts me completely and NOTHING would ever happen. I just feel as this is the first meet-up since a messy break up, where my bf knows how hurt I was, that I should at least tell him I was thinking of going for a civil coffee with my ex. That's absolutely all it would be. Thoughts?

Don’t know if you’re living together or what but if so you should probably pack your personal effects and bring them with you.

Reply 52

caseyhayes

OP

6

This has taught me to talk to my other half before bothering with TSR :smile:

Though the discussion's been fun, thanks folks!

Reply 53

4TSR

2

Original post by caseyhayes

This has taught me to talk to my other half before bothering with TSR :smile:

Though the discussion's been fun, thanks folks!

Yea we all have had different experiences with EX-partners...etc So you got a varied response :smile:

I hope it worked out well :yep:

Reply 54

Anonymous #1

I'm hurt when my boyfriend wants to catch up with his ex. It's mostly because I have so little interest in what my ex's are doing, I'm upset that he cares at all about his after we've been together so long. I would hate to NOT be told, I don't want him to hide it from me, that's when I start to doubt my trust in him.

If I chose to see my ex, I'd check with my current partner and if they weren't happy with the idea, I wouldn't go. *Shrugs* I don't see it as a particularly irrational decision on their part and I'd rather they were content than dredging up a part of my past that shouldn't be that important in my present.

Reply 55

RetiredAccount89

18

Original post by caseyhayes

If he trusts me completely and NOTHING would ever happen. I just feel as this is the first meet-up since a messy break up, where my bf knows how hurt I was, that I should at least tell him I was thinking of going for a civil coffee with my ex. That's absolutely all it would be. Thoughts?

You are being selfish
If you ask him and he isn't happy will you not go and not think ill of him?

If you ask him, there is no way for him to 'win'.
So don't ask.

Reply 56

sbeard1

If you have decided that you want to go, then tell him you are going - dont ask because then if he says no it might lead to arguments over trust.

I dont really see why you are going for a coffee with your ex though.

Reply 57

MaxMaxMax

15

Original post by caseyhayes

If he trusts me completely and NOTHING would ever happen. I just feel as this is the first meet-up since a messy break up, where my bf knows how hurt I was, that I should at least tell him I was thinking of going for a civil coffee with my ex. That's absolutely all it would be. Thoughts?

Why would you want to meet up with your ex for a 'civil' coffee, after such a 'messy' break-up? They're your ex. End of.

Reply 58

4TSR

2

Issue is not knowing... If I find out she went and had a coffee with me knowing it would cause a problem, or two.

The whole idea of my gf seeing her ex is in it self a bit odd...

Reply 59

Life_peer

19

Original post by caseyhayes

If he trusts me completely and NOTHING would ever happen. I just feel as this is the first meet-up since a messy break up, where my bf knows how hurt I was, that I should at least tell him I was thinking of going for a civil coffee with my ex. That's absolutely all it would be. Thoughts?

Why do you even want to meet him, if I may ask?

Regardless of the purpose, I think that the best choice is to inform him of your meeting to prevent any possible complications. Do not ask for a permission, though, you are an independent human being, are you not?

Is it polite/unnecessary to ask the bf if I can meet my ex for coffee?

Quick Reply

Related discussions

Latest

Trending

Trending

Articles for you