I think I am becoming a worse and worse person
Whereas I feel like I used to be happy, cheerful, helpful and kind - now I am so much more irritable and cruel, and annoying. Unlikeable.
How can you tell if your friends or family like you? It seems like I regret every second thing I say or do, because it was something mean, or selfish, or stupid. I've come home from uni for christmas and it's like I don't fit in any more. I feel like I'm not the "old me" like my family must miss that person. Instead they have someone who is grumpy and rude.
It's so insidious, I don't know when this change happened. The more I think about myself the more intolerable I seem. I try to be a nice person but it's like it doesn't come naturally anymore, like I'm pretending. I feel like there is something bad in me that I can't get rid of.
I can't be myself when I am trying so hard to not be that bad bit, it's like I have no personality to me at all. So it's like a horrible choice between being likeable, and being myself
It's not normal to think that way is it? It's crazy but sometimes it feels as though even the cat can see through me. Like he doesn't like me. But he's a cat. That doesn't make sense.
Christmas day has been a good day, though. I was quite "good", people liked my presents, I tried really hard to compliment everyone and be very helpful and friendly and I didn't do/say anything too bad. But so many days nowadays I feel like a horrible person.
Has anyone felt this way? Can someone explain it, or help me be more nice? Can you become more horrible if you are stressed or something?