Am i in the wrong?

TranceEnergy1989

Hello everyone i just want to know whether im being a **** or my mate is unreasonable.

Basically i have two groups of friends, one group from primary school and one group from secondary school

A friend from my primary school who i hang around with most weekends (lets call him S) wanted to come out with my secondary school mates and me for christmas eve

The problem is he has asked this before..and to be fair he has invited me out with his work mates or whatever in the past so i wanna know if im the guilty party

My secondary school mates don't like S...they say he is a pikey and not to invite him to things, so i don't to keep the peace

I did tell S this on christmas eve that there might be "issues" with him coming and that "people might not want people they don't know there"
but he comes out with
"then they are gay then" "they are square" "just tell me where you are going and i will come out, you don't have to tell them"

So basically me and my secondary school mates went out, went to the first bar and told my mate i was there but may not be staying long...so he turns up (already kind of drunk and he meets up with people he knows in there anyway) and i tell him we are moving off to somewhere else
He then basically calls me a ****er and i go off with my mates to the other bar

So im at the bar, S rings me pissed out his head asking where i am (being it xmas eve i told him) and i tell him
so he turns up with one of his mates and starts acting like a tit (going up to my mates and basically hugging them going "wheeeeeeeey" pulling their arms about etc and also doing this to randomers) and this was insanely awkward for me..i couldnt even introduce him to people ( if he upset the wrong person it would cause a mass brawl and xmas would be ruined and i would be blamed for it all)

a secondary school mate then says to me "why did you invite your pikey mate?" and shakes his head..then my other mates are shaking their heads and looking over at me.

Ok this is long, in the end he takes his leave as he is too drunk to stand up straight.

I havent heard from him since then, so i call his step dad today...and he says he is passed out on the floor at his brothers house outside London and he will get hin to call me when he wakes up....then as he puts the phone down all i hear is "these lot are ********s to S" and then the phone hangs up.

Sorry that this is long but i want to know am i in the wrong?

Reply 1

Corrosive Blossom

11

Nah, 'S' sounds like a dick- end of, move on.

Reply 2

CapnHooch

10

He's a pikey.
'Course he's a dick.

You're fine, you managed it.

Reply 3

Bslforever

15

Well you were kind of being a dick by being so halfhearted. I mean, if you didn't want to take responsibility for him, you shouldn't have told him where you were going. If he turned up drunk, it was your job to deal with him. At the moment, you look like a bit of an idiot to S because you were his friend and you didn't look out for him. You also look like a bit of an idiot to your mates because you brought a drunken idiot to their party essentially. You should have picked a side. Either upset S and enjoy your night with your friends (best option imo) or upset your friends and took care of S (as to be fair, he was kinda your responsibility if he is your friend and you invited him).

Because you didn't chose you look like a bit of an idiot to both sides.

Reply 4

sango

12

Yes you are in the wrong. When you are friends with someone you tend not to care what other people may think about him, especially since your so-called secondary school friends call him childish names such as "pikey". Tbh it sounds like you were too much of a pussy to stand up for someone whom you have been friends with for a long time and I hope you feel guilty. I'm sorry but you have really annoyed me now, thank God I don't know anyone like you.

Also, to those of you who say "S" sounds like a dick, how would you feel if your "friend" blew you off in such a way that left you feeling left out? It's natural that he would be that pissed off.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 5

Dekota-XS

2

I think me and S would get along just fine

Reply 6

Evil Monkey

11

Original post by sango

Yes you are in the wrong. When you are friends with someone who tend not to care what other people may think about him, especially since your so-called secondary school friends call him childish names like "pikey". Tbh it sounds like you were too much of a pussy to stand up for someone whom you have been friends with for a long time and I hope you feel guilty. I'm sorry but you have really annoyed me now, thank god I don't know anyone like you.

Someone's obviously been labelled chav or something quite a few times.

Fair enough if he's just been called it because of the place he's from, but if he actually holds to the stereotype, which it sounds like he might do, that's fair enough.

You could've handled it better, but didn't do anything wrong, 'S' is the dick in this.

Reply 7

Bslforever

15

Original post by sango

Yes you are in the wrong. When you are friends with someone you tend not to care what other people may think about him, especially since your so-called secondary school friends call him childish names such as "pikey". Tbh it sounds like you were too much of a pussy to stand up for someone whom you have been friends with for a long time and I hope you feel guilty. I'm sorry but you have really annoyed me now, thank God I don't know anyone like you.

Also, to those of you who say "S" sounds like a dick, how would you feel if your "friend" blew you off in such a way that left you feeling left out? It's natural that he would be that pissed off.

I agree with this. You should have been upfront with S from the start. But seeing as you brought him you should have taken care of him.

Same thing happened with me a while back. A mate brought some of his friends to a party and they were blind drunk. It was a bit irritating, but we were all friends so it was cool. What wasn't cool was when he just left his friends and we had to take care of them. If you bring someone to a party like that, they are your responsibility whether you like it or not. And if S was someone you were friends with, you should have sorted him out.

Reply 8

sango

12

Original post by Evil Monkey

Someone's obviously been labelled chav or something quite a few times.

Fair enough if he's just been called it because of the place he's from, but if he actually holds to the stereotype, which it sounds like he might do, that's fair enough.

You could've handled it better, but didn't do anything wrong, 'S' is the dick in this.

Trust me, I have been labelled plenty of things but if somebody called me a chav I think I would burst out laughing. :tongue:

Bt it sounds to me like 'S' has been made to look like a fool here when really, it is the OP who seems to be too embarrased to be openly friends with this guy. Either that or he is being incredibly sycophantic to his secondary school friends.

Reply 9

TranceEnergy1989

OP

Original post by sango

Yes you are in the wrong. When you are friends with someone you tend not to care what other people may think about him, especially since your so-called secondary school friends call him childish names such as "pikey". Tbh it sounds like you were too much of a pussy to stand up for someone whom you have been friends with for a long time and I hope you feel guilty. I'm sorry but you have really annoyed me now, thank God I don't know anyone like you.

Also, to those of you who say "S" sounds like a dick, how would you feel if your "friend" blew you off in such a way that left you feeling left out? It's natural that he would be that pissed off.

This isnt the first time S has asked to come along to things my other mates do, usually i decline or ignore the phone calls (he wont stop calling..trust me, he even turned up outside a club i went to with them just by guessing)
My secondary school mates do not like him, and do not want him there (even though they dont know him) so i don't invite him to keep the peace
BUT as it was xmas eve and it was about 1am by the time i got the call i gave him the benefit of the doubt as its christmas after all...

Believe me i try to tell S that he is essentially not welcome but he doesnt understand that. he believes its normal to go and talk to random people and what not at any time and place...but my other mates are not like that in their views.
Because S invites me to everything he probably expects the same from me but it's not...i say to him "people are different" and he replies with "they are gay then" or "square"

believe me the two groups are usually seperated by distance, i live near my primary school mates and the secondaries slightly further away

i just tried to be nice on xmas eve by letting him come when everyone was already kinda drunk, it was a risk and it backfired...i couldnt relax and had to keep an eye on him until he left like half an hour later

it won't be repeated

Reply 10

DarkSenrine

14

What kind of idiot has a name like "S"? Before I read the rest of the thread I surmised that he was a douche. Get him to change his name.

Reply 11

sango

12

Original post by TranceEnergy1989

This isnt the first time S has asked to come along to things my other mates do, usually i decline or ignore the phone calls (he wont stop calling..trust me, he even turned up outside a club i went to with them just by guessing)
My secondary school mates do not like him, and do not want him there (even though they dont know him) so i don't invite him to keep the peace
BUT as it was xmas eve and it was about 1am by the time i got the call i gave him the benefit of the doubt as its christmas after all...

Believe me i try to tell S that he is essentially not welcome but he doesnt understand that. he believes its normal to go and talk to random people and what not at any time and place...but my other mates are not like that in their views.
Because S invites me to everything he probably expects the same from me but it's not...i say to him "people are different" and he replies with "they are gay then" or "square"

believe me the two groups are usually seperated by distance, i live near my primary school mates and the secondaries slightly further away

i just tried to be nice on xmas eve by letting him come when everyone was already kinda drunk, it was a risk and it backfired...i couldnt relax and had to keep an eye on him until he left like half an hour later

it won't be repeated

So in short you are simply his friend when it suits you.

:colonhash:

Reply 12

rogreg8

S sounds like a great guy.

'these lot are ********s to S'

what is the censored word? :O

Reply 13

TranceEnergy1989

OP

Original post by sango

Trust me, I have been labelled plenty of things but if somebody called me a chav I think I would burst out laughing. :tongue:

Bt it sounds to me like 'S' has been made to look like a fool here when really, it is the OP who seems to be too embarrased to be openly friends with this guy. Either that or he is being incredibly sycophantic to his secondary school friends.

Yes i guess i was embarassed, because when he gets drunk he turns into a total tool..he will grab peoples hair, hug them..insult people at times
i should also mention my secondary school mates have only seen him like once or twice and dont like him...no idea why they just dont

S does not understand this, he thinks its all good and normal...in a perfect world it would be, but its not

Reply 14

TranceEnergy1989

OP

Original post by rogreg8

S sounds like a great guy.

'these lot are ********s to S'

what is the censored word? :O

Rsholes

Reply 15

TranceEnergy1989

OP

Original post by DarkSenrine

What kind of idiot has a name like "S"? Before I read the rest of the thread I surmised that he was a douche. Get him to change his name.

'S' is not his name :facepalm2:

it's just used for example

Reply 16

TranceEnergy1989

OP

Original post by sango

So in short you are simply his friend when it suits you.

:colonhash:

No not at all

My other mates do not like him for some reason, they don't want to invite him to gatherings..what am i supposed to do when he is moaning at me down the phone to come?
i try to hint it to him but he does not get it..i do want to say "they don't like you!"...but im not that way inclined, people should take hints

i have said to him that its not me, i have no problem with it..but as it wasnt the wishes of the majority i hesitated with it...he turned up at like 1am smashed out of his face and acting like a fool as i said....i stayed with him until he left like half an hour later.

i don't think im in the wrong here, if the situation was reversed i wouldnt care..they are not my friends so why would i want to hang with them?...if i knew there would be issues if i came i would steer clear...simple but as i said he don't get it...he thinks everyone thinks like him where people are completely open about inviting people they dont know to things....as i said to him "people are different" some don't mind and others do...my mates are the latter.

Reply 17

Leonie01

hm, i do think you are in the wrong but not because you feel embarrassed by how your friend behaved, just bc of how you deal with your friendships.

Obviously "S" wants to hang out with you a lot, he wants to come along when you meet with others and also invites you when he goes out with his friends. I dont really understand why he always wants to come along with you esp. since you seem reluctant to invite him and I personally wouldnt be keen on hanging out with a bunch of people who dont want me there. Do you believe he is oblivious to this or doesnt believe when you tell him so or simply doesnt care?

On the other hand i imagine it to be awful if a close friend of mine would be too embarrassed to let me meet her other friends and i most definitely would take offense to it if my friend seemed to be so dependent on their opinion.

Since you say that your friends dont even know " S" yet still dont like him, just makes them seem a bit judgemental. If my friends would talk this negatively about one of my other friends they dont know, i wouldnt just stand there and listen, i would tell them to shut it and give that person a fair chance.

It seems to me though that you are too scared to say something like this to your secondary school friends because you worry about losing them.

I can understand that certain behaviour might embarrass someone but it seems " S" lacks total self awareness. So you should have had a serious talk with him and told him you consider him your friend and you would love to bring him along but that his drunken antics (and whatever else) disturb you and if he could stop this. Just using your friends as an excuse is cowardly, bc you are disturbed by this behaviour too and you need to own up to this.

But you really need to think about what kind of friend you want to be and you should stand by your friends no matter what anyone else says. If you were aware of his behaviour it was a very stupid idea to invite him on xmas eve when it was obvious he would be hammered.

He might have made a better impression on your other friends under different circumstances and you should have introduced them to each other while everyone was sober. And if your secondary school friends are truly your friends they would give him a chance at least. That doesnt mean you would always have to bring him along, just occasionally.

Your friend must have been really hurt if he even talked to his father about it. He probably feels like you are embarrassed by him and that you care more about your other friends although you know him much longer.

I suggest you call him and tell him that you didnt mean to make him feel bad and then you two should meet and have an honest and open talk about it.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 18

Steevee

15

The real question here is, why do you associate with a pikey?

But really, no you're fine. Do you actually like S? 'Cus he sounds like a dick. Maybe next time just remind him of what a tit he made of himself, and tell him that's why you're other friends don't like him.