Are my parents being unfair or is this normal?

Basically, it was my really really good friends 18th today which was a meal at chiquitos from 6-9. I asked my dad if i could go and he said he wasnt happy with the idea and he'll think about it. So then eventually he said yes. I was really excited as im never allowed out. The last outing i went to was in march and every other one ive been invited to my parents wouldn't let me go.

So my mum dropped me off at 7pm and i stayed there till 9pm then i went to get some nandos for my mum upon her request. Eventually i got home at 10pm. When i got home my dad started shouting at me saying im a disappointment of a child and why didnt i get home at 8pm. He said this is the last straw and he's never letting me out again. He even nearly slapped me !

It's so hurtful that i get treated like this, im gonna be 18 soon and im not allowed out , everyday i have to be home at 5 or its a shouting fest, its like they dont trust me. The last time i went out was in MARCH! im forever making up stories and excuses of why i cant go out to my friends birthday, since i was 15 i wasnt even allowed to do anything for my birthday. i just stay at home all the time. The only time i go out is to college or to work. im sick and tired of this. How can i make them see reason and realise that i need a little bit of freedom and trust.

Reply 1

placebo24

9

Completely unfair; you're almost an adult and you should be treated with such respect.

Reply 2

MovingOn

10

Why don't you tell them exactly what you have told us about needing your freedom? To be honest, at 17 I was doing what I wanted regardless of my parents permission or approval.

Reply 3

TravelGuru

Sounds like your dad is a control freak.

Edit: A big control freak.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 4

Brandon4321

Original post by Anonymous

Basically, it was my really really good friends 18th today which was a meal at chiquitos from 6-9. I asked my dad if i could go and he said he wasnt happy with the idea and he'll think about it. So then eventually he said yes. I was really excited as im never allowed out. The last outing i went to was in march and every other one ive been invited to my parents wouldn't let me go.

So my mum dropped me off at 7pm and i stayed there till 9pm then i went to get some nandos for my mum upon her request. Eventually i got home at 10pm. When i got home my dad started shouting at me saying im a disappointment of a child and why didnt i get home at 8pm. He said this is the last straw and he's never letting me out again. He even nearly slapped me !

It's so hurtful that i get treated like this, im gonna be 18 soon and im not allowed out , everyday i have to be home at 5 or its a shouting fest, its like they dont trust me. The last time i went out was in MARCH! im forever making up stories and excuses of why i cant go out to my friends birthday, since i was 15 i wasnt even allowed to do anything for my birthday. i just stay at home all the time. The only time i go out is to college or to work. im sick and tired of this. How can i make them see reason and realise that i need a little bit of freedom and trust.

Your dads clearly got issues.

Go get a summer job in Ibiza, that will learn him.

Tell him to **** off

Original post by MovingOn

Why don't you tell them exactly what you have told us about needing your freedom? To be honest, at 17 I was doing what I wanted regardless of my parents permission or approval.

I've tried to but i was told i was being disrespectful and my dad slapped me . Its got to the extent that im scared to ask my parents for their permission to go out or even stay behind at college after school. They always think im going out to do reckless thing or to a guys house.

Reply 7

Bathwiggle

11

I would say they are being unfair, i had protective parents, but they did let me out, just gave me a set time to be home at, and the only way to get more trust was to be in when they said consistently.

Did he say when he expected you home? have you spoken to them about it when you're calm, or written a note for them to read to avoid you getting upset while you put your side across?

Reply 8

Ayostunner

1

Original post by Bathwiggle

I would say they are being unfair, i had protective parents, but they did let me out, just gave me a set time to be home at, and the only way to get more trust was to be in when they said consistently.

Did he say when he expected you home? have you spoken to them about it when you're calm, or written a note for them to read to avoid you getting upset while you put your side across?

No, i told him the party was from 6-9. the party was today. he's still in a mood and im scared to talk to him.

Reply 9

MovingOn

10

Original post by Ayostunner

I've tried to but i was told i was being disrespectful and my dad slapped me . Its got to the extent that im scared to ask my parents for their permission to go out or even stay behind at college after school. They always think im going out to do reckless thing or to a guys house.

Hang on, you father has no right whatsoever to slap you! That is actually assault and he could be arrested for it.

It sounds as though you need the help of a mediator honey, your GP can refer you for family counselling which is a good way to talk things through in a safe manner. Do you remember a particular time when your parents stopped trusting you? Or was it just based on your age? They are clearly highly suspicious of you for some reason.

Reply 10

Insiya

OMG !! Your parents are grinding you inside. You really need to talk to them. If they just stalk you home...its going to be pointless. It is your age to move out..haffun..make frnz...and just BOMBARD !! Does that mean that you havent been to parties..birthdays..clubs..social places..?? :O :O :O

Why dont they trust you ? Is it because of some past acts that they have lost the trust in you ? Have you done anything hurtful to them.

I dont ask permissions since I was 16. All what I do is inform her and make sure that I call my mum once if I am going to exceed 12 am. She trusts me and we have a good network working between us.

Reply 11

i.student

kids cant choose parents. most of them are nice though.

Reply 12

Ayostunner

1

Original post by Insiya

OMG !! Your parents are grinding you inside. You really need to talk to them. If they just stalk you home...its going to be pointless. It is your age to move out..haffun..make frnz...and just BOMBARD !! Does that mean that you havent been to parties..birthdays..clubs..social places..?? :O :O :O

Why dont they trust you ? Is it because of some past acts that they have lost the trust in you ? Have you done anything hurtful to them.

I dont ask permissions since I was 16. All what I do is inform her and make sure that I call my mum once if I am going to exceed 12 am. She trusts me and we have a good network working between us.

No not really, its just the way they were brought up.
There wasnt any time i was really allowed out.

Reply 13

Ayostunner

1

Original post by Insiya

OMG !! Your parents are grinding you inside. You really need to talk to them. If they just stalk you home...its going to be pointless. It is your age to move out..haffun..make frnz...and just BOMBARD !! Does that mean that you havent been to parties..birthdays..clubs..social places..?? :O :O :O

Why dont they trust you ? Is it because of some past acts that they have lost the trust in you ? Have you done anything hurtful to them.

I dont ask permissions since I was 16. All what I do is inform her and make sure that I call my mum once if I am going to exceed 12 am. She trusts me and we have a good network working between us.

Nope, no clubs, I've been to some birthdays mostly family ones because my parents are there but friends birthdays i dont go often.

Weird.

No way

that's completely unfair. My friend is exactly the same, her parents completely control her life, to the point where she actually dropped out of uni because her parents convinced her she was unhappy when she'd actually only been there for a month and never even got to give t a chance. She's 19 now so get out of this situation now if you know what's good for you! That's completely unnatural and shouldn't be allowed!!

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 16

Mr Fish

8

You Must Be Asian/Black????????

Reply 17

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

Basically, it was my really really good friends 18th today which was a meal at chiquitos from 6-9. I asked my dad if i could go and he said he wasnt happy with the idea and he'll think about it. So then eventually he said yes. I was really excited as im never allowed out. The last outing i went to was in march and every other one ive been invited to my parents wouldn't let me go.

So my mum dropped me off at 7pm and i stayed there till 9pm then i went to get some nandos for my mum upon her request. Eventually i got home at 10pm. When i got home my dad started shouting at me saying im a disappointment of a child and why didnt i get home at 8pm. He said this is the last straw and he's never letting me out again. He even nearly slapped me !

It's so hurtful that i get treated like this, im gonna be 18 soon and im not allowed out , everyday i have to be home at 5 or its a shouting fest, its like they dont trust me. The last time i went out was in MARCH! im forever making up stories and excuses of why i cant go out to my friends birthday, since i was 15 i wasnt even allowed to do anything for my birthday. i just stay at home all the time. The only time i go out is to college or to work. im sick and tired of this. How can i make them see reason and realise that i need a little bit of freedom and trust.

It really, really gets on my nerves when people complain about parents that try to take care of them and to look out for them.

Your parents are overprotective, they restrict you and you think it ruins your life. You know what? I'd have much rather had people looking out for me than parents who told me not to come home until late at night or who wouldn't give a **** whether I was shooting drugs, prostituting myself or lying dead in a gutter somewhwere.

You say or think that you're nearly an adult, that you need more freedom and trust. Well, act like you ****ing deserve that respect and freedom.