How can I get rid of him?!

I have a friend who up until very recently was quite....sexually ambiguous

because of this, i put up with what appeared to be his banter with good humour

now it turns out that he's very much straight, and in fact unusually forward sexually
(a lot of quite raunchy flirting, at one point an attempt to kiss me)

whilst im doing my best to not whole-heartedly return his flirting...i'm a natural flirt and therefore don't have it in me to just tell him to eff off or be really cold towards him when he says something flirty, as most normal people would

how can i let him know i really don't fancy him (i thought he was gay up until a week ago ffs) , but still assure him that i value his company and friendship? i feel really uncomfortable with the way things are at the moment but don't want to completely ruin it :/

Reply 1

Zero 1

just say you're not interested in anything more than friendship

Reply 2

Anonymous #1

Original post by Zero 1

just say you're not interested in anything more than friendship

easier said than done tbh
do you recommend in person or over the phone/text?

Reply 3

Zero 1

in person, next time he makes an advance, just make it clear that you are not interested in that.

Reply 4

ma3arf

How did you discover he wasn't gay?

Reply 5

Ilovewords

uhm, stop flirting back?

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

Original post by Ilovewords

uhm, stop flirting back?

that's the thing, i'm not exactly flirting back, i'm just not exactly rejecting him

Original post by ma3arf

How did you discover he wasn't gay?

well the first hint was when he said something about committing the sins with me, but i dismissed that as meaningless (i go to a girl's school, we "flirt" with each other a lot for no good reason)
the first confirmation was when he mentioned an ex-girlfriend

Reply 7

ByronicHero

Introduce a conversation about mates and how you can't fancy them and then naturally just say "like you, because you're such a great mate I could never fancy you, or (person X you both know)" and then carry on talking about the subject, go off on a tangent w/e really. The important thing is to implant it naturally into a block of speech.

Of course just telling him strait would be better but if you think it would upset him.... =]

Reply 8

ma3arf

Just tell him you're not interested in a joke-y way, although make sure he knows you're not joking, am I making sense? :tongue:

Reply 9

shooting.star

Maybe if you drop it into conversation that you thought he was gay until very recently.. he might start to realise that you don't really see him as more than a friend? Then also so that your actual behaviour isnt confusing to him, make it obvious that you are a natural flirt with everyone or try not to react naturally when he flirts with you by flirting back so then he can't say anything about mixed signals.

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

Original post by paddy__power

do you think i might have left it too late? especially since he's so overly sexual, if i'd wanted to say anything, i probs should have done it by now
even though you're right, that is probably the nicest way to do things :frown:

Original post by shooting.star

this might just be me, but would you not be massively offended if a girl you fancied said that to you?

Reply 11

JenKat

If you can't face directly telling him then do as above and mention in conversation how you don't see any of your mates as anything more. Hopefully he should get the message. If he doesn't and lunges at you again then that's the time to gently but firmly tell him you're not interested. And at least try not to flirt with him...

Reply 12

TheFlyingDutchman

Next time he comes on to you knock him back and shout at him. Something like ''Don't you get I'm not interested in you that way!''

Trust me it wont come of as you being harsh. It will come up as him being a pervy **** and he'll end up apologising.

I think that if you've rejected him once he should get the impression.

Reply 13

ByronicHero

Original post by Anonymous

this might just be me, but would you not be massively offended if a girl you fancied said that to you?

I think you should try it and then if it doesn't work you have the direct approach as a fall back - and you can be happy in the knowledge you tried your best to let him know in a way that wouldn't make things awkward =]

Reply 14

Anonymous #1

Original post by paddy__power

Original post by JenKat

okay, fair enough
thanks everyone :smile:

Reply 15

shooting.star

Original post by Anonymous

this might just be me, but would you not be massively offended if a girl you fancied said that to you?

Haha, good point. I thought since he is sexually ambiguous, it's probably something he might have heard before. But actually dropping it into conversation that you don't really fancy friends eg him (without mentioning his sexuality) might be better! :smile:

It could be awkward if you then went out with your mutual friend later on though . :confused:

Reply 16

Roo Bix

He needs to be put in his place really. You have to make it clear that his advances are something that make you feel uncomfortable.

If he is someone that respects you, he wont have a problem with this, or be offended. Quite the opposite actually, I'm sure he would want to make sure that you are comfortable around him.