I need to be in a relationship to feel complete. And I'm okay with it.

I know teens growing up nowadays (especially girls) get told a LOT that "you don't need to be in a relationship to be happy." But I do. I have a great time when I'm out with friends, but no matter how happy I feel, when I see a couple holding hands or hear about my friends' relationships, I feel like there's something missing. But the thing is, I don't care that I shouldn't be feeling this way!
Has the media's portrayal of "Empowered single women" actually back-fired so that when women, and teens in particular, DO want relationships, they are made to feel as though they weaker than women who are happy to be single?
I do appreciate that some poeple believe that love and relationships aren't the most important things in the world, but people weren't created to live alone. WE GET LONELY.
I'm getting fed up of feeling needy or weak when I think about wanting a relationship. It's NATURAL to want companionship. Isn't it??
Discuss :smile:

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Reply 1

Gavzzz

I agree completely, I think that a person can be happy in themselves if they are alone but never truly complete until they find that someone special.

I salute you glitterpixie and I hope there are many more women just like you out there.

Reply 2

crazylemon

Good. It is only a problem if you get depressed about the lack of someone. Also just be aware that being with someone just to be in a relationship is not a good idea and realistically can only end badly.

Personally I am fine alone for now, 19 years and still standing :p:

Would it be nice? Yes but tbh I am quite happy with just friends.

Reply 3

bethanyglowe

I'm 17, so I don't want a serious, 'can't be without the other' relationship. I'm still young, I got plenty of time for that later. I'm fine with being independent at the moment.

Reply 4

alibobs

I'm happy to be alone. I don't personally believe you can have a healthy relationship unless you are happy and feel ok with being alone. IMO if you feel like you need someone to complete you, you're going to end up relying on the person to make you feel ok and that's not a healthy relationship. A relationship should be something which adds something to your life, not makes it. Don't get me wrong, relationships are great and we are social creatures who seek out companionship and a mate but I really do believe unless you are truly happy outside a relationship you can't be happy inside one, not properly so anyway

Reply 5

GdotL

Personally, I wouldn't be happy to feel incomplete just because I was single. You need to be happy existing by yourself! Other people compliment and add to you - you can be influenced and share lots of things but you shouldn't use them to supplement your own personality.
There aren't very many people I would want to be in a relationship with (for a longer period of time anyway) - too much hassle/investment.

Reply 6

Jake22

Mmm hmmm...

Yes, girls need boys and boys need girls. I think the point is not whether or not you need a partner for completeness but rather how long can you tolerate being on your own and remain happy enough to select the right partner.

I mean, everyone needs food but when returning home from work hungry, most people are restrained enough to wait until they get home and have their pot noodle rather than rummaging through the bin at the bus stop eating rotten apple cores. I think the same fine line of desperation is to be avoided with relationships too.

Reply 7

Roo Bix

Original post by Jake22

Following on from this, there's always the case of being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, and this is usually not a good thing, because it almost becomes a materialistic desire.

Reply 8

wolfspirit

Original post by bethanyglowe

I'm 17, so I don't want a serious, 'can't be without the other' relationship. I'm still young, I got plenty of time for that later. I'm fine with being independent at the moment.

When I was 17, this is exactly what I thought. Then I fell in love :love:

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 9

tailschao

Original post by alibobs

Boom, headshot.

I'd also like to add that when you start looking for just "a relationship", as opposed to "a person", you'll probably start to try and put up with people to whom you're not really suited, purely out of fear of being alone. Then even if you realise that, you won't break up because you're scared of being alone. So you have to endure months of an unhappy relationship before the other person ends it, and, OMG NO WTF, alone again. Rinse, repeat.

Sorry, OP, but anyone like you would make me run a mile.

Reply 10

PapaShmurff

I'm too lazy to commit to a relationship and i don't put much emotion into things so i couldn't really care less about being alone, it's alot less hassle.

Reply 11

Climbontoyourseahorse

There's a difference between 'I would quite like', 'I want' and 'I need'. There is nothing wrong with being in a relationship and being happy in it, but only when it is for the right reasons. When you can say to yourself 'I love X and they bring me a lot of happiness, but I would still be happy and fulfilled without them in my life', you have got the right balance. I really do think that you can only be happy in a relationship when you are generally content with the rest of your life. If you find yourself happier when in a relationship, fine, but don't put pressure on that person because it's not fair. It's very off-putting when you know that you are someone's only source or one of their few sources of happiness. Make sure that you're also happy when single.

Reply 12

veux

Needing intimacy and sex with the opposite sex to feel complete is the most natural thing in the world lol.

I don't get the whole 'I want to be independent so no relationship' when people are 16-21. In most peoples cases they can't do the things that would need independence not found in relationships. Unless they purely mean shagging lots of different people, which to be fair isn't very satisfying for most people.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 13

Flibbles

Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse

Nail on head here. Most people will be happier in a relationship and there's nothing wrong with that but one has to be happy whilst single else they're more likely to end up with someone who they aren't truly compatible with- solely for the sake of being in a relationship.

To paraphrase something I heard- if you pick up the first rock you find, you may miss the diamond.

Reply 14

AlligatorTears

Original post by Climbontoyourseahorse

I'd argue against that, in fact, I think, with no offence intended, it's a pretty ridiculous statement. Being in a healthy, right relationship does make you happier then when you're outside of it. That's why people but up with the negatives that inevitablty come with being with someone, give up their independence and commit. If you're equally happy outside of a healthy relationship then there wouldn't really be much of an incentive to get into one.

No one's saying that by being happier in a relationship makes you entirely dependent on it for said happiness. But in the same way that having proper friends makes you happier then having none at all, or having a supportive family makes you happier then not having one, being in the right relationship (I'd perhaps even compromise and say at the right time) should and does make you happier then outside of one.

Reply 15

Anonymous #1

I'm the same way. I could say that I'm still happy being single, but that would be a lie.

Reply 16

CherryCherryBoomBoom

This is very interesting to think about. People say countless times that you shouldn't need another half to complete you - but aren't we biologically made to procreate, by nature? Therefore, it shouldn't really be bad to want someone, right?

Reply 17

Flibbles

Original post by CherryCherryBoomBoom

Not bad at all, we have a genetic imperative to find a mate and procreate but we also have free will that's often able to supercede genetic programming. As such, I'm perfectly happy to remain single until I find someone who's right for me.

Reply 18

Anonymous #2

i'm going through a similar problem or situation. i fear i'm only with someone cause i love feeling wanted and needed. and hate the loneliness single life brings. a few months ago. i was happy single, and with my friends and my life. so i was seeing this guy. and i wasn't so attached to him, but i enjoyed spending time with him. then things changed. he wanted to get serious. i went to uni. my life chaned. lack of friends. old friends busy with lives. new environment. all i had to count on was him. now i'm overly attached. scared of being on my own. i'm an insecure wreck, and i'm unsure this relationship is perfectly right for me. but i will be so unhappy without him, and may fall into some sort of depression. i don't think i can handle it. probably not the same as OP who seems confident and secure. i'm hopeless.