Oral sex: is my friend right?

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depends on the person really, personally no it wouldn't mean I'd break up with them, it's not that important. However you say you're asexual...that seems to be a bit of a bigger issue since it suggests you're not interested in sex at all..which might be problematic.

Reply 21

Anonymous #1

Original post by joey11223

I have no interest in sex for myself - I don't feel sexually attracted to people, I don't have a sex drive. For example, I don't find porn sexy, I find it kind of strange. I don't masturbate because I don't feel the desire to.

But at the same time, sex doesn't repulse me either; ideally, I'd date other asexuals, but life isn't ideal and, assuming I was in a loving relationship with someone who understood asexuality and who I trusted to not throw a tantrum if I didn't seemed as engaged as he might expect, I wouldn't be opposed to have sex as an expression of love and to make him happy.

Plus, I would like a child one day, so sex is a necessarily evil. :p:

Does that make sense, and sound less problematic?

Reply 22

Wild_Precious_Life

Original post by Davezk

A decent guy wouldn't break up with a girl for not wanting/able to give oral sex. Any guy who would consider that a genuine reason to break up with someone is clearly an idiot so would only be doing you a favour.

Obligatory awwwwwww.

Reply 23

Marviee

Ever heard of a lubed handjob? :biggrin:

Reply 24

Hester_23

The importance of oral sex depends entirely on the individual, i for one am not all that fussed about it, if done right its great, but i can live without it tbh

Reply 25

Arekkusu

Well, no-one's going to force you to do it if you have a condition, or reasonably break up with you. I imagine it's the fact the girl withholds oral from them for dumb reasons like "they don't want to do it" that makes the other guys ditch them.

Anyway oral is about more than just gulping dick down your throat, you can also be licking it or sucking just the end and ****ing him at the same time. Don't label sex acts, people!

Reply 26

Arekkusu

Original post by Anonymous

Does that make sense, and sound less problematic?

Would you say it's possible to be asexual in real life but still have a sex drive expressible on your own? Because I hate real sex. It seems like a lot of buggering about for relatively little reward.

Reply 27

Dude Where's My Username

Why do asexual people want to be in relationships anyway? Why don't they just settle for friendships? I don't get it :confused:

Reply 28

History-Student

Original post by Dude Where's My Username

Why do asexual people want to be in relationships anyway? Why don't they just settle for friendships? I don't get it :confused:

Why should they not be allowed love just because they don't want sex? You do realise there's a difference between love and friendship right?

And as the OP has said, they want a child someday, and at least to me a relationship seems more appropriate for that than a good friend.

Reply 29

joey11223

Original post by Anonymous

Does that make sense, and sound less problematic?

Makes sense but as you say ideally another asexual would be make for an easier relationship I think. Again personally I wouldn't mind, but I'm not everybody and some would likely find it a real issue in the relationship.

Reply 30

Lemons

If a guy cared for you he wouldn't dump you for being unable to do something because of a medical problem, and he wouldn't force you to have surgery either.

Having said that, when you give head you don't have to put the whole thing down your throat. You could just lick the head, or have it in your mouth (not too far back) and use your hand on the rest. What I'm saying is, you might find that you can do a slightly altered version of a blow job if you tried different things.

Reply 31

Clumsy_Chemist

If you're asexual surely that's worse than not giving oral?

Reply 32

silverbolt

Original post by Anonymous

I have health issues to do with breathing nasally (as in, can't be done without undergoing surgery first, which I'm not keen on whatsoever - think it's more dangerous than beneficial) and various throat problems that ultimately end up with a gag reflex triggered by eating, let alone putting something down it, that prevent me from being able to give oral sex.

Whilst I haven't discussed my exact problems with my friends (think sex is a private matter), I have been involved in conversations where male friends dismissing girls who won't give oral sex, and female friends report boyfriends expecting oral sex or breaking up with them. All leads me to believe I'm doomed.

Are my friends right, am I never going to be able to get and subsequently keep a boyfriends? Guys, would a girlfriend not giving you oral sex lead to breaking up? Obviously wouldn't expect to get it back, but then I'm also asexual, so any sex wouldn't be for my benefit.

you realise you dont have to deepthroat to give oral sex right? Theres a lot more to it than ramming it down as far as it will go.

Oh and gag reflexes can be trained.

Reply 33

Bella_Gail

Original post by Anonymous

If a guy really likes you, then he won't care- and oral sex doesn't mean that you have to deep throat him every time. You can give someone a blowjob without having it halfway down your throat.

Reply 34

Anonymous #2

A man shouldn't like you for your oral sex. It should be a bonus, or an extra you want to give him

Don't worry. If you feel like trying, you could always just tease with your tounge and lips, you dont necessarily have to stuff it far down your throat. You could start with this, as a tease, then go on to normal sex. Many girls have bad gag reflexes and deep throating isn't exactly that fun when theres a chance she might vomit.

Reply 35

History-Student

Original post by maskofsanity

Please don't tell me your pre-edited post was true because that's literally the most ****ed up thing I've ever heard on TSR.

No it was true, just changed my mind about sharing it with TSR. But got quoted before I could delete it.

Reply 36

Drunk Punx

Grammar is so important in these situations, otherwise it could've turned out like:

"Oral sex is my friend, right?"
In which case yes. Yes it is.

Reply 37

Cynthi007

to my experiences it is clever to talk about sexual interests before starting a relationship. If you don´t share the same likes it could be a problem. you or he will never be satisfied if he expects something he likes and is used to. I am very mean I think. A guy who does not satisfy me sexually would not make me happy in a relationship. If it does not fit than friendship would be better. I made the mistake once that I hoped to deal with a problem he had but it did not worked out. he was such a cute guy and so lovely in his manners and traits but sex was always a catastrophe and so we broke up.

he should not force you to do sth. that is not good or impossible for you. so I would talk about such thinks in advance to avoid these problmes. you will be both happier. Sure, it is a problem if you are maybe just 18 or 20 but you will learn to talk about that. :-) beter for both of you. everyone of you deserves being happy and satisfied in a GOOD relationship.

but maybe you find other things to offer him. try different things. and just riding is not enough to get rid of this big oral problem to my mind. that is something everybody does. nothing special. so, be a bit more creative and don´t be disappointed. maybe you can go and ask a doctor how to find a way to get used to it maybe???? like immunisation if you are allergic. I don´t know if it is possible. but you could lick his stick and do the rest with your hands I think. so it will be nice for him too.

Reply 38

Anonymous #1

Original post by Arekkusu

Original post by Dude Where's My Username

Why do asexual people want to be in relationships anyway? Why don't they just settle for friendships? I don't get it :confused:

Because there's a big difference between being asexual and aromantic. Asexuals can still want a romantic relationship, and can still feel attraction - it's just not a sexual attraction, it's purely emotional and aesthetic (as an asexual, I can still tell you whether I find someone good-looking.)

Reply 39

viriol

Original post by Anonymous

Yes - plenty of asexuals do have a sex drive, they just don't have anyone to aim it towards and prefer to satisfy it themselves. However, simply not liking sex doesn't make you asexual; lots of sexuals don't like sex itself, whereas lots of asexuals enjoy sex. They just don't feel sexual attraction ... and that's all asexuality is, not feeling sexual attraction.

Because there's a big difference between being asexual and aromantic. Asexuals can still want a romantic relationship, and can still feel attraction - it's just not a sexual attraction, it's purely emotional and aesthetic (as an asexual, I can still tell you whether I find someone good-looking.)

Do you know of other asexual people who are in a relationship with someone who does feel sexually attracted to him/her? If so, how do they cope with the difference in appetites?

And, by the way, do you know of any asexual couple?