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black girl and white boy

hi,

so ive been together with my boyfriend now for almost two years. we both doing postgrad in the same uni but different course..and we love each other to bits. theres only some things i worry about.

1. he's a secret to my parents. im muslim. but never been brought up religious. my parents arent overly religious either, but they believe i should marry one of our kind (from same country and muslim). however my brothers and cousins love him.

2. he's from a poor background. whereas i am fortunate to be extremely well off. it never bothered me...because he always worked hard for his money and always took me out to nice places...i know he generally wants to make a lot of money. and im really glad, cos i dont want to sound spoilt, but i do want to be rich. but not rich cos i want the best designer clothes and what not..but just that i know i have the choice to. and thats what my parents want from my future man. someone rich.

3. if i tell my parents about him. he would have to be the one for life. im scared of telling, not cos i dont think he's the one..but because in muslim cultures we dont do bf's/relationships. its just straight to marriage.

4.also...i black he white..no one in my family married a white person before. so i would be the first..and im not sure how my far relatives would take to that.

what should i do?

Reply 1

Benammieh

Just dont care what they say. We live in the 21st century!

I say your a nob

1. tell your parents, who cares what they think about him. you're the one he's with.
2. you sound like a bit of a dick
3. stop going along with what culture dictates, do whatever you like.
4. again who the hell cares what they think

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 4

as cruel as school children

10

Original post by dcspike

I say your a nob

three words out of five.. congrats.

Reply 5

flossy_candy

You have to tell your parents there's no easy way around it. They might be shocked or angry etc but they'll get over it eventually. Its your life at the end of the day

Reply 6

Converse

11

So you're a somali then?

Reply 7

maths-science

Original post by Anonymous

hi,

so ive been together with my boyfriend now for almost two years. we both doing postgrad in the same uni but different course..and we love each other to bits. theres only some things i worry about.

1. he's a secret to my parents. im muslim. but never been brought up religious. my parents arent overly religious either, but they believe i should marry one of our kind (from same country and muslim). however my brothers and cousins love him.

2. he's from a poor background. whereas i am fortunate to be extremely well off. it never bothered me...because he always worked hard for his money and always took me out to nice places...i know he generally wants to make a lot of money. and im really glad, cos i dont want to sound spoilt, but i do want to be rich. but not rich cos i want the best designer clothes and what not..but just that i know i have the choice to. and thats what my parents want from my future man. someone rich.

3. if i tell my parents about him. he would have to be the one for life. im scared of telling, not cos i dont think he's the one..but because in muslim cultures we dont do bf's/relationships. its just straight to marriage.

4.also...i black he white..no one in my family married a white person before. so i would be the first..and im not sure how my far relatives would take to that.

what should i do?

salam sis,
if this guy iswilling to look into islam, then this would be an option for you; otherwise it is wrong for you as a muslim to marry a non-muslim, its not only because of culture that your parents wont allow it, it is a rule in Islam. Even though he is from a different backround as you, at least if he was the same religion then your parents could get round it; so see what he thinks about islam, then you can see how it goes from there.

One really important thing to think about is if you do get married, and have children, what religion will your children be raised up as?

I hope all goes well for you, tc

Reply 8

tbm

13

Tell them. They'll only find out from someone else eventually which will be ten times worse. If they dont like it then tough, you are an adult and you're free to do what you want.

What alarms me is the bit where you say you want to be rich, but he is from a poor background. Why does this matter? If you both have jobs then you'll be earning your own money, so I dont really see this being an issue. But you are making it out to be one? :s-smilie:

Also I dont see why religion is being made to be an issue here, you say you arent religious and neither are your parents.

To be honest you sound like you are making excuses or reasons why you cant be with this person. I know its difficult because of your background but if you really want it to work, then you will.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 9

amsie/

11

Original post by Converse

So you're a somali then?

huh? there's other black muslims besides somalis :s-smilie:

Reply 10

Anonymous #1

OP

couldnt care less if i was a nob. thank you.

yes he is willing to convert to islam. and our children would be of islamic faith. and he has no problem with it.

i know we live in the 21st century but thats beside the point. it would disappoint my parents so much...and i dont want to hurt them. also..i am not 100% sure if he's the one for life. like if i tell my parents..then he has to be IT. i cant go back on my word. cos then id be perceived as a slut within the islam faith.

@maths-science ......... arent there consequences for muslim girls who indulge in numerous relationships without being married?

Reply 11

Sean3000

8

Original post by maths-science

salam sis,
if this guy iswilling to look into islam, then this would be an option for you; otherwise it is wrong for you as a muslim to marry a non-muslim, its not only because of culture that your parents wont allow it, it is a rule in Islam. Even though he is from a different backround as you, at least if he was the same religion then your parents could get round it; so see what he thinks about islam, then you can see how it goes from there.

One really important thing to think about is if you do get married, and have children, what religion will your children be raised up as?

I hope all goes well for you, tc

In my opinion, this demonstrates everything that is wrong with religion- DIVISIVE.

Reply 12

Anonymous #1

OP

Original post by tbm

What alarms me is the bit where you say you want to be rich, but he is from a poor background. Why does this matter? If you both have jobs then you'll be earning your own money, so I dont really see this being an issue. But you are making it out to be one? :s-smilie:

Also I dont see why religion is being made to be an issue here, you say you arent religious and neither are your parents.

To be honest you sound like you are making excuses or reasons why you cant be with this person. I know its difficult because of your background but if you really want it to work, then you will.

well for the rich part. i could go and marry someone rich, who will provide financial security. i know it sounds shallow...but every parent wants that for their child..and secretly u want it too. im scared that **** might go wrong..and i wont end up having the lifestyle i want. but yes you're right, thats just me creating a problem.

religion...well when i see we are not overly religious i mean, we dont wear head scarves, cover ourselves up. my dad and brother never go to mosque. but we all believe in god. and believe in the morals behind islam. like for girls, you should be decent, respectful, etc...so if i went for my bf..then my mom would be shocked that im not doing the normal thing and marrying someone from our circles.

even if i told my mom. its not like i can be with my bf after that. in islam you cant live with the opposite sex before marriage. all those couply things we do, should be done when engaged or married.

Reply 13

babygirl110

15

Original post by Benammieh

Just dont care what they say. We live in the 21st century!

Easier said :frown:

.

Reply 14

babygirl110

15

Original post by didgeridoo12uk

1. tell your parents, who cares what they think about him. you're the one he's with.
2. you sound like a bit of a dick
3. stop going along with what culture dictates, do whatever you like.
4. again who the hell cares what they think

How is she a dick?

Reply 15

maths-science

Original post by Anonymous

couldnt care less if i was a nob. thank you.

yes he is willing to convert to islam. and our children would be of islamic faith. and he has no problem with it.

i know we live in the 21st century but thats beside the point. it would disappoint my parents so much...and i dont want to hurt them. also..i am not 100% sure if he's the one for life. like if i tell my parents..then he has to be IT. i cant go back on my word. cos then id be perceived as a slut within the islam faith.

@maths-science ......... arent there consequences for muslim girls who indulge in numerous relationships without being married?

yes, there are consequences as an unmarried woman is not allowed to be in the same room alone with someone she can get married to, so as for a relationship then this would come under this category

but humans are all sinners, and the best of sinners are those who repent; so whoever has taken part in a relationship before marriage can repent; and the consequences then are between you and god. but remember that god is the most-forgiving.

if he is willing to convert to islam, it must be for the pure reason of wanting to become a muslim for the sake of god, and not for you; because i have seen on many occasions where the man becomes muslim for the period that he is with the woman and then once you split up, returns to his old faith, but if the reason of conversion is purely for gods sake then there isnt a problem at all.

pray to god to guide you towards what is best for you, whether or not you should be with him

another thing - it is not the islamic faith that would see you as a slut, that may be a cultural thing but is nowhere in the islamic faith that says you are a slut if this happens

Reply 16

babygirl110

15

Original post by amsie/

huh? there's other black muslims besides somalis :s-smilie:

Yeah, there are now Muslims all over Africa e.g. Nigeria, South Africa, Zimbabwe, these are the countries definitely I know of.

There are a lot North and East of Africa as well.

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 17

Anonymous #2

Original post by Anonymous

couldnt care less if i was a nob. thank you.

yes he is willing to convert to islam. and our children would be of islamic faith. and he has no problem with it.

i know we live in the 21st century but thats beside the point. it would disappoint my parents so much...and i dont want to hurt them. also..i am not 100% sure if he's the one for life. like if i tell my parents..then he has to be IT. i cant go back on my word. cos then id be perceived as a slut within the islam faith.

@maths-science ......... arent there consequences for muslim girls who indulge in numerous relationships without being married?

Okey i'll try to help since i am a black muslim girl who would have no problem with marrying a white man. The only problem i would have is the fact his not a muslim but if he's willing to convert and really accept the idea of becoming a muslim is all good but i would have a problem if the reason his converting is ONLY me(i would like to be the main reason but not the only reason).

I know what you mean by making sure he is IT because if it doesn't work out your family will sound like a broken record telling you we told you so and you might even not take another risk with who you want to be next.

and lastly i get the money issue if he works and you can afford a house and a living and to treat yourself than thats all you need plus you can use your salary to buy all the shoes you want.

and maybe you dont have to tell your mum you've been dating for two years :biggrin:

Reply 18

MoanyLisa

6

Is there a reason why you have the need to divulge this now? :dontknow:

I mean, if the problem is that you're not sure he's the one yet, and so are reluctant to tell your parents. Then just wait until you are completely comfortable and sure.

As for the convert to Islam bit. I have a sinking feeling that that's just for pretence. So it shouldn't really be that much of an issue. Correct me if I'm wrong.