Dunno what to do...
Not going to bother with anon, no one knows I'm on here...
Basically, I don't make good friends that easily and girls are rarely interested in me, I never really have anyone that I feel like I can tell anything to, that was, until I met a girl almost a year ago. She's amazing, words wouldn't do justice and we clicked immediately.
The thing is, just as I met her, another guy was already chasing her and even though things progressed with us, they progressed between those two quicker, eventually they became BF/GF. We kept talking as much as we did previously, for hours on end and pretty much became best friends. There had always been this undertone between us, that we were more than friends, there had always been something sexual and even though she had a BF, this continued and even developed, never anything physical, due to her being in a relationship, but it developed nonetheless. We pretty much fell in love but the thing is, she was also falling in love with her BF, things may have been getting closer between us, but they were also getting closer between them and they were getting serious.
I often wonder why she isn't with me, she tells me she loves me and we both get upset at the thought of not being together, it hurts for both of us, except, obviously, she loves her BF more, otherwise she *would* be with me and not him and so obviously that really hurts for me too. Knowing that she's off being with him and I'm stuck thinking about it, kills me...but I can't let go. I just can't give up what we have, we know everything about each other, we make each other laugh and smile, we can talk about anything and everything together. How can I give up someone I love so much? How can I give up someone who I know loves me back? I can't imagine having something like this with anyone else for a long, long time and even then, it would take forever to develop.
I really don't know what to do...On one hand, it kills me seeing her with her BF, seeing the things they say to each other on FB, knowing when they're together, wishing it was me and not him but on the other hand, I've never had something like this, I've never been so close to anyone, shared the things I've shared with her, to love them and have them love me back. I couldn't bare to give all that up but I can't bare thinking about her BF and her together...ugh...
What do I do? Try and wait and see if they ever break up? (Not looking likely, they're getting quite serious) Just man up and deal with it but keep talking to her? Or stop talking altogether? The thought of stopping talking makes me feel as sick as the thought of never being with her though...
Basically, I don't make good friends that easily and girls are rarely interested in me, I never really have anyone that I feel like I can tell anything to, that was, until I met a girl almost a year ago. She's amazing, words wouldn't do justice and we clicked immediately.
The thing is, just as I met her, another guy was already chasing her and even though things progressed with us, they progressed between those two quicker, eventually they became BF/GF. We kept talking as much as we did previously, for hours on end and pretty much became best friends. There had always been this undertone between us, that we were more than friends, there had always been something sexual and even though she had a BF, this continued and even developed, never anything physical, due to her being in a relationship, but it developed nonetheless. We pretty much fell in love but the thing is, she was also falling in love with her BF, things may have been getting closer between us, but they were also getting closer between them and they were getting serious.
I often wonder why she isn't with me, she tells me she loves me and we both get upset at the thought of not being together, it hurts for both of us, except, obviously, she loves her BF more, otherwise she *would* be with me and not him and so obviously that really hurts for me too. Knowing that she's off being with him and I'm stuck thinking about it, kills me...but I can't let go. I just can't give up what we have, we know everything about each other, we make each other laugh and smile, we can talk about anything and everything together. How can I give up someone I love so much? How can I give up someone who I know loves me back? I can't imagine having something like this with anyone else for a long, long time and even then, it would take forever to develop.
I really don't know what to do...On one hand, it kills me seeing her with her BF, seeing the things they say to each other on FB, knowing when they're together, wishing it was me and not him but on the other hand, I've never had something like this, I've never been so close to anyone, shared the things I've shared with her, to love them and have them love me back. I couldn't bare to give all that up but I can't bare thinking about her BF and her together...ugh...
What do I do? Try and wait and see if they ever break up? (Not looking likely, they're getting quite serious) Just man up and deal with it but keep talking to her? Or stop talking altogether? The thought of stopping talking makes me feel as sick as the thought of never being with her though...
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;( you made me all emotional... I cheer for you bro!
Well I see 3 options:
- start getting aggresive and up your game a bit and try to win her.
- stop all talk for a while and either she will forget you (time cures everything don't worry) or she will realise she miss you too much and the drama will continue (you need to be a swindler to do it
)
- realise that in life the person you love may not love you back and try be happy for her regardless of your broken hearth. I mean if you love her so much the physical contact won't be everything. The face when she smiles and laugh will be far more cherished by you
Well that are the 3 options ...the choice is yours!
Keep us informed!
Well I see 3 options:
- start getting aggresive and up your game a bit and try to win her.
- stop all talk for a while and either she will forget you (time cures everything don't worry) or she will realise she miss you too much and the drama will continue (you need to be a swindler to do it
)- realise that in life the person you love may not love you back and try be happy for her regardless of your broken hearth. I mean if you love her so much the physical contact won't be everything. The face when she smiles and laugh will be far more cherished by you
Well that are the 3 options ...the choice is yours!
Keep us informed!
Original post by Creative Username
Just man up and deal with it...
this springs to mind.....i know you say you love eachother loads but if she truly loved you like you love her then she would have dumped her boyfriend and gone with you. Yeah people say they can love 2 guys at once but isnt that just leading them on ??? you either leave or deal with it, quite frankly
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by Kiwiiiii
;( you made me all emotional... I cheer for you bro!
Well I see 3 options:
- start getting aggresive and up your game a bit and try to win her.
- stop all talk for a while and either she will forget you (time cures everything don't worry) or she will realise she miss you too much and the drama will continue (you need to be a swindler to do it )
- realise that in life the person you love may not love you back and try be happy for her regardless of your broken hearth. I mean if you love her so much the physical contact won't be everything. The face when she smiles and laugh will be far more cherished by you
Well that are the 3 options ...the choice is yours!
Keep us informed!
Well I see 3 options:
- start getting aggresive and up your game a bit and try to win her.
- stop all talk for a while and either she will forget you (time cures everything don't worry) or she will realise she miss you too much and the drama will continue (you need to be a swindler to do it
)- realise that in life the person you love may not love you back and try be happy for her regardless of your broken hearth. I mean if you love her so much the physical contact won't be everything. The face when she smiles and laugh will be far more cherished by you
Well that are the 3 options ...the choice is yours!
Keep us informed!
Ive tried being a bit more aggressive, making it quite clear that I want us to be together and that she should just go for it. Basically what she said to me was that as much as she wants to, she cant give up her BF because, even though we have something great together, so do they. I cant really argue with that...i cant ask her to give up something good that she has, just for me, its selfish.
I do really love her and i like seeing her happy, im not upset that shes happy, im glad that shes happy and i would never want to do anything to make her unhappy, im just upset because it's not me and as much as i love her, that wont change.
With regards to the stopping talking...im not sure, deep down, i think i know its probably the right thing to do, if i know shes not going to be with me then in the long run, its probably best. I just cant bring myself to do it though, i keep thinking about what ill be losing and then i talk to her again and all thoughts of cutting contact vanish because we just get on so well and i cant bring myself to lose that. I also seem to think, maybe her relationship wont last forever, the future is unpredictable, for all i know, if i kept talking to her, someday, we might actually end up together.
Original post by Blueflare
She's using you. She likes the attention. Wake up.
Hm, knowing her like i do, i just can't see this being the case, i think she does genuinely like me, i know if she wasn't in a relationship that she would definitely be with me and i know, it makes her sad that we're not together. Obviously though, it doesn't make her so sad that shes willing to give up her BF for me but i just cant imagine that she'd just use me. Its more than that.
Original post by Creative Username
Hm, knowing her like i do, i just can't see this being the case, i think she does genuinely like me, i know if she wasn't in a relationship that she would definitely be with me and i know, it makes her sad that we're not together. Obviously though, it doesn't make her so sad that shes willing to give up her BF for me but i just cant imagine that she'd just use me. Its more than that.
Whether she likes you or not she's still using you and I have no doubt that she knows she's using you and is making the most of it.
You said yourself, if she wasn't in a relationship she would be with you. Well, she is in a relationship and she's not with you. Tbh she likely sees you as a safe back-up option. You are second best to her. If she liked you all that much then she would be with you. You should never be with someone who only sees you as second best because they will leave as soon as someone "better" comes on the scene. If you have any self-esteem, you will not put up with that kind of bull**** treatment.
u are naive, she isnt that of a nice girl and she should not be doing this, imagine if u were her bf, would you be upset knowing that shes talking to another guy n telling him she likes him and how sad she is not to be with him? I know how you feel, u feel like she is the only one (because you havent found anyone before) and you dont want to let go. But just stop talking to her so that you will forget about her, you will find someone eventually.
And I agree with Blueflare, she has a bf but at the same time, shes got you who likes her, she enjoys the attention. This is called selfishness. If she was a good friend, she would not hurt you by talking to you like this.
And I agree with Blueflare, she has a bf but at the same time, shes got you who likes her, she enjoys the attention. This is called selfishness. If she was a good friend, she would not hurt you by talking to you like this.
Imposter!
Original post by Blueflare
Whether she likes you or not she's still using you and I have no doubt that she knows she's using you and is making the most of it.
You said yourself, if she wasn't in a relationship she would be with you. Well, she is in a relationship and she's not with you. Tbh she likely sees you as a safe back-up option. You are second best to her. If she liked you all that much then she would be with you. You should never be with someone who only sees you as second best because they will leave as soon as someone "better" comes on the scene. If you have any self-esteem, you will not put up with that kind of bull**** treatment.
You said yourself, if she wasn't in a relationship she would be with you. Well, she is in a relationship and she's not with you. Tbh she likely sees you as a safe back-up option. You are second best to her. If she liked you all that much then she would be with you. You should never be with someone who only sees you as second best because they will leave as soon as someone "better" comes on the scene. If you have any self-esteem, you will not put up with that kind of bull**** treatment.
I can see your point, i partly agree and partly disagree, as things are, i probably am second-best... things are a bit more complicated though than it just being a simple choice between the two of us and the way things evolved meant that she was already quite involved with her BF before anything could have happened between us, so she would have been giving up a lot to be with me and it would have been a risk. It makes sense for her to be with him actually, for reasons i won't say but despite that i know she still wants to be with me. Things would have to change a lot to make it work between us and considering she has something comfortable at the moment, why would she give that up? So theres no way im just a 'safe back-up option'. I also know for a fact that, if she was with me, i wouldnt just be 2nd best to her, i know she wouldnt leave for someone better because i know she'd love me, so i disagree with that. It is pretty complicated, things always are, i didn't mention all the complications in my post, just to simplify things but over-simplification leads to misinterpretation.
So i dunno...while i can see your point and i think it may be somewhat true, its not as true as its made out to be, sort of a , half-truth if you may. The last bit of what you said is also something i partly agree with, i shouldnt have to put up with the heartbreak and the hurt, its not fair really but like ive said before, but i just dont know if i can give her up and i know she'd be equally upset if i cut all contact.
Original post by Blueflare
Whether she likes you or not she's still using you and I have no doubt that she knows she's using you and is making the most of it.
You said yourself, if she wasn't in a relationship she would be with you. Well, she is in a relationship and she's not with you. Tbh she likely sees you as a safe back-up option. You are second best to her. If she liked you all that much then she would be with you. You should never be with someone who only sees you as second best because they will leave as soon as someone "better" comes on the scene. If you have any self-esteem, you will not put up with that kind of bull**** treatment.
You said yourself, if she wasn't in a relationship she would be with you. Well, she is in a relationship and she's not with you. Tbh she likely sees you as a safe back-up option. You are second best to her. If she liked you all that much then she would be with you. You should never be with someone who only sees you as second best because they will leave as soon as someone "better" comes on the scene. If you have any self-esteem, you will not put up with that kind of bull**** treatment.
Blueflare has a point. That might be correct. Trust your instincts man. If Blueflare is right the best option is to be cool and move on and I think that is the only chance to be number 1.
P.S. If she is right ofc.
Original post by Blueflare
She's using you. She likes the attention. Wake up.
It's this. Nothing more.
And refer directly to third spoiler in my sig on your way out.
Original post by Roo Bix
You need to lay down an ultimatum to see where her desire truly lies.
Because you and her being together is almost more of an importance for you than it is for her, as she is already in a comfortable position in a sturdy relationship.
Because you and her being together is almost more of an importance for you than it is for her, as she is already in a comfortable position in a sturdy relationship.
What so i just down round and say to her, give up everything for me or ill stop talking to you? doesnt sound very nice to be honest! I can see that backfiring, i wouldnt be pleased if someone said that to me.
Original post by Creative Username
What so i just down round and say to her, give up everything for me or ill stop talking to you? doesnt sound very nice to be honest! I can see that backfiring, i wouldnt be pleased if someone said that to me.
No, you don't have to be a douchebag lol. You simply explain to her your feelings, and let her know how much they affect you, constantly. It's fair to say, alright, she's in a relationship and has many things to consider. But it's also fair to say she cannot say the things she has said to you, without proving that there's some truth behind them.
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by Roo Bix
No, you don't have to be a douchebag lol. You simply explain to her your feelings, and let her know how much they affect you, constantly. It's fair to say, alright, she's in a relationship and has many things to consider. But it's also fair to say she cannot say the things she has said to you, without proving that there's some truth behind them.
seems like a reasonable option i guess... i think i know what the answer will be though and it wont be the answer i want...that means losing her... ah this is all such a mess! things should be easy for once...
Original post by Creative Username
seems like a reasonable option i guess... i think i know what the answer will be though and it wont be the answer i want...that means losing her... ah this is all such a mess! things should be easy for once...
It sounds quite negative in some ways, but what will you be gaining from losing her? A fresh perspective and emotional freedom.
Keep her as a friend, definitely. You and her, minus the circumstances, sound very close and must have something special.
You seem like a decent guy.. I respect that you say you know this girl really well. But you've said it yourself.. It's the first time you've felt like this about anyone. It may feel like you're in love.. Trust me I've been there but this girl clearly isn't thinking about your best interests at all. If she cared about you, and her BF for that matter, she would have told you not to wait around for her. I know it doesn't feel like it now but you'll meet someone else.. you'll feel love for real and it won't hurt. For now you're just being led on.. there's no denying it at all.
Original post by Roo Bix
It sounds quite negative in some ways, but what will you be gaining from losing her? A fresh perspective and emotional freedom.
Keep her as a friend, definitely. You and her, minus the circumstances, sound very close and must have something special.
Keep her as a friend, definitely. You and her, minus the circumstances, sound very close and must have something special.
i may gain emotional freedom and a fresh perspective but id also be losing the closest person to me...i dont see how i could keep her as a friend, it would be impossible to just shove all the other feelings to one side, so id just end up feeling the same way about her. the only way i could possibly avoid that is by finding another girl, which would prove difficult and i think even then, a part of me would still want her! so yeah, if she just turned round and said, she couldnt leave her BF when i provided the ultimatum, it would end up with us not talking anymore because the heartache would still be there
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