Explaining asexuality to sexuals

I'm asexual; it's not usually something I actually discuss with my friends, but a couple have been having sexuality confusion of their own recently and, in discussions, it came out (pun :awesome:

) ... and, now, I'm getting probed about it (not a pun.)

How do you describe asexuality to people that do feel sexual attraction? I can't describe what it's like to have something I've never had - it'd be like a girl describing life without a penis, or a guy describing life without menstruation. You don't know, you've never had it.

Have any other asexuals hit upon the best way of describing asexuality to sexuals, or have any sexuals had it described to them in a way that made sense?

Thanks. :smile:

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Reply 1

boromir9111

I imagine, asexuality is something more selective among the sexuals nowadays lol.....

Reply 2

TheSownRose

Why are people so curious about this? :lol:

I don't personally see the point and get nothing from it, but lots of asexuals do. It's not lack of a sex drive necessarily, just lack of sexual attraction.

Reply 3

Melanie-v

Remember back when you had no interest in sex or making out with guys? But you had a bf anyway, just hand-holding? It's a bit like that (the adult version).

That springs to mind.

Reply 4

Bobifier

What you had when you were ten. Simple.

Reply 5

angrydanmarin

Do you ever plan to be in a relationship? It does't require sex of course, but would you have sex anyway to please your partner even if you'd get nothing from it? Or would you explain your situation to him/her, or would you simply try and find someone who is also asexual?

Reply 6

Anonymous #1

I'm attracted to people but find the idea of sex disgusting :confused:

I also don't get any pleasure out of sex, physically or emotionally. What am I?

Reply 7

TheSownRose

Original post by angrydanmarin

I have no problem with sex with someone I love - doesn't repulse me at all. I just don't feel the desire for it either.

Reply 8

d123

I'm not asexual, but to the best of my knowledge, isn't asexuality simply lack of sexual feeling? I might be mistaken there of course, but if that's it, then I don't really find it that difficult to understand. I suppose a way of explaining could be just to say that, if someone isn't asexual, they aren't sexually attracted to everyone they meet. There are people towards whom you have no sexual attraction at all, and asexuality is like that, but just with everyone.

Of course, I may be mistaken about what asexuality actually is, and if I am, then sorry!

Reply 9

Charlottelisabeth

I've never actually known anyone who is asexual! Or rather I don't think so! 2bh I don't really get it!... :/

Reply 10

JW92

Original post by TheSownRose

I have no problem with sex with someone I love - doesn't repulse me at all. I just don't feel the desire for it either.

That isn't being an asexual, that's just being a woman.

Reply 11

TheSownRose

Original post by d123

That is it, and understandable as far as never (for example) watching a film and finding the actors sexy ... but, when it comes to explaining that I could also be in a relationship with someone for years, love them, and still not find them sexually attractive, people can't comprehend that.

Reply 12

TheSownRose

Original post by JW92

That isn't being an asexual, that's just being a woman.

In the stereotypical Victorian age, maybe.

Reply 13

Yawn11

Tbh, I'd understand you saying you're asexual if you wasn't a virgin.

It just basically and clearly seems your just sexually inactive.

Reply 14

TheSownRose

Original post by Yawn11

Tbh, I'd understand you saying you're asexual if you wasn't a virgin.

It just basically and clearly seems your just sexually inactive.

That's like saying you have to have sex with another guy before you can say you're straight, though.

Reply 15

username221592

Original post by TheSownRose

a guy describing life without menstruation.

It's ****ing amazing.

Reply 16

HappySarah28

I suppose it is like some people like hugs others hate them? But i just would like to know if it is suppression in anyway?

I personally dont see a problem with it everyone feels how they feel about stuff and it is hard to explain like why are people attracted to same sex people or opposite sex people.

Reply 17

ItBeMo

I completely get you, and i see that a lot of people may find it hard to understand that you can love someone but not really be sexually attracted to them :tongue:

Reply 18

JohnC2211

I would say, "It's what you are before you grow up."

I joke, of course. But asexualism is a genetic mutation as all women are supposed to be hard-coded to want to seek out and find a male to mate with, and this is where sexual attraction comes in. You're generally more attracted to people who possess desirable traits that you would like to pass on to your offspring. But humans have been around a while now and so there are bound to be the odd couple of people who have no interest in sex.

And don't even get me STARTED on love...