Explaining asexuality to sexuals

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guys do not appreciate it and as said to sownrose I don't have close male friends at the moment..I wonder why. If liking to hug people makes me a ***** then FINE! :tongue:

Reply 61

wtfCharlie

Original post by naomidawn

(That only works for guys...)

What, post-orgasm high?

No, no, no, it's not :wink:

Reply 62

joey11223

Sorry missed this one. A good point..my scale has no room for fetishs/sexual paraphilia..my own scale doesn't work on myself...how foolish in hindsight.

Fine...there is a scale and there is a wheel. The sliding scale decides your attraction to the sexes, so gay to bi to straight, and strongly you sit in which area.

The wheel is then spun, it has thousands of possible results although "null" and quite common things are generally landed upon. However there is scope on the wheel for anything, you could land on attraction to people dressed as butterflies, or to rubbing animal excrement on yourself.

Reply 63

TheSownRose

Original post by joey11223

you edited your post didn't you...

Sorry a bit confused with what you're asking when you question my linking with friendliness and platonic affection? Are you assuming I'm suggesting to be a friendly person you HAVE to hug people a lot? I don't mean that if that's what you think, but in some peoples minds I think friendly and affectionate can be interlinked as it seems my affectionate nature towards friends labels me as friendly when described by them.

A friend who didn't want to hug me. In actual fact I don't have any male friends at the moment, which has been the case for the majority of my life anyway. Females are generally more affectionate and so there is no one in my current friendship group who wouldn't accept a hug from me. In six-form one girl was a bit weary of such things, I basically just didn't hug her...although sometimes my nature got the better of me and I did hug her as a greeting, just she wouldn't hug back, as you say you'd do she'd sort of stiffen up and cope with it, occasionally put her arms sort of around me but not really, very awkward for her. I tried not to, but I'm forgetful and my instinct is to hug people when meeting up with them. I obviously didn't hassle her about it though, not interrogating her as to why she doesn't like hugs.

Not from that, I just added in the last question.

Yeah, I did wonder if you meant they had to be together, but I see what you mean now.

Glad you didn't interrogate. You tend to get people thinking you had an abusive childhood and so can't stand to be touched because of that. In some cases of abuse it does end with someone disliking touch, although I've seen just as many that end with people craving kind physical contact because they never got that. In my case, it probably comes down to my parents being the same - they tried to be huggy people, but just aren't ... so I picked that up. Again though, I know other people from a non-physical family that now want to be touched. We all react differently. :dontknow:

You don't have to justify why you don't like people touching you, although there is more pressure for non-physical to become physical rather than the other way around - ever notice that?

Reply 64

joey11223

Original post by TheSownRose

You don't have to justify why you don't like people touching you, although there is more pressure for non-physical to become physical rather than the other way around - ever notice that?

It's like pressure in introverts to become extroverts. It's seen as the norm to be affectionate it seems, I probably take it beyond some but hugs and such are expected I suppose. As usual many people cannot seem to, and do not try, relate to behaviour different from their own.

Reply 65

wtfCharlie

Original post by TheSownRose

Could be wrong, but I don't think the majority of people that enjoy masturbating are doing it because they find themselves arousing...

I dunno, but personally if I found myself ugly I'd find it weird to masturbate, the same way I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who i found unattractive.

Reply 66

joey11223

well the sex of someone is surely quite important? There must be a reason that the world isn't totally bi-sexual with males and females having the same sexual feelings for either gender. I have no sexual feelings toward males..and it would seem many males are the same in that regard. In the same light many females are not sexually aroused by other females. The sex of your target seems quite crucial, even if there is the possibility that you can treat each gender equally.

As for those attracted to non-living things. Well that women who married the Berlin wall gave it a masculine sexuality, calling it him. She did the same with a fence later on, so she seems to want to think objects with no sex are male..which would sort of support the idea the gender you're attracted to can be a separate thing to the fetish you have.

Reply 67

joey11223

hmm to me intersexual and bi-sexual seem similiar. Ignoring gender bi-sexuals are attracted to males and females...we only have male and female as biological option, so all intersexuality allows for to me is those born with male and female body parts..

I suppose I am confusing gender with sex but what is gender if it's not a list of characteristics to represent your sex? I mean...take me, if you said I was a male with a female gender..what would that entail? I don't like sport, my friends are all female, I seem to enjoy what are stereotypically female things (lots of shopping, sleep overs etc), does that affect what gender I should be assigned or what? I might be called a slightly feminine male, so does that mean my gender isn't totally male?...gah now I'm thinking about gender and sex are confusing me..

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 68

joey11223

quite deep for a 3:43am conversation! Why are you not sleeping pray tell? :tongue:

Anyway I totally understand now. Although I'm not sure of societies gender roles and such didn't exist that bi-sexuality would make a massive leap. I didn't have army men or dolls..thinking about it my upbringing has been rather gender neutral in things like toys, colour schemes etc. I've had no father figure to speak of, so if anything I've had a feminine upbringing, which might explain my soft submissive nature(though my mum is the same, obviously you inherit personality at least a little.) and the fact I am more comfortable in female company. However I have no feminine sexual traits, thinking about male on male sexual antics is totally unappealing to me. I mean for pure homosexuality to exist, which it does seem to and is hardly forced by society (society still doesn't exactly approve of homosexuality), the attraction to the sex of your partners must significantly biological and not from nurturing in my view. Obviously we had the Romans where male on male sex was quite standard...but I'm not sure if that would have increased the number of bi-sexuals. Male on male sex was more tradition, domination etc, the done thing. They still went home to their wives for their romantic relationships, a different sort of relationship then their male protege. Though looking at past and present cultures does show interesting differences in behaviour decided by arbitrary social standards...

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 69

naomidawn

Original post by wtfCharlie

What, post-orgasm high?

No, no, no, it's not :wink:

I thought the implication was that there is no sexual desire after orgasm, soz!

Reply 70

The-Real-One

Original post by TheSownRose

I'm asexual; it's not usually something I actually discuss with my friends, but a couple have been having sexuality confusion of their own recently and, in discussions, it came out (pun :awesome:

) ... and, now, I'm getting probed about it (not a pun.)

How do you describe asexuality to people that do feel sexual attraction? I can't describe what it's like to have something I've never had - it'd be like a girl describing life without a penis, or a guy describing life without menstruation. You don't know, you've never had it.

Have any other asexuals hit upon the best way of describing asexuality to sexuals, or have any sexuals had it described to them in a way that made sense?

Thanks. :smile:

Are you a plant or a kind of vegetation by any chance?

(edited 13 years ago)

Reply 71

Charlottelisabeth

Ok so I think I get it, does being asexual mean that u have like no libido (sex drive) & never have any feelings like that u want to have sex?

Reply 72

Azayki

Original post by naomidawn

I thought the implication was that there is no sexual desire after orgasm, soz!

I think that is what was originally meant, and I have to agree with you. That DOES only work for guys, or for people other than me anyway. It doesn't matter if I just had sex and orgasmed 203845 times, I still have sexual desire. :smile:

Reply 73

Jmzie-Coupe

What's asexual? The only thing that brought me to this thread was 'sex' in teh title.

Reply 74

Jmzie-Coupe

WHITE SAUCE? LMFAO. Do you want my cream soda babby? mmm

Reply 75

Great Lord Xenu

Original post by TheSownRose

I have no problem with sex with someone I love - doesn't repulse me at all. I just don't feel the desire for it either.

But, presumably, despite the fact that you don't have a sex drive, you would still consider it a pleasurable thing to do? Like having a nice picnic, or going swimming?

Reply 76

TheSownRose

Original post by Great Lord Xenu

But, presumably, despite the fact that you don't have a sex drive, you would still consider it a pleasurable thing to do? Like having a nice picnic, or going swimming?

Well, I'm aquaphobic so swimming isn't the greatest comparison :wink:

... but yes, it would be something I would consider pleasant, albeit the reason would be as an expression of trust and intimacy.

Reply 77

Jelkin

I don't get why "sexual" people are so confused about asexuality. I am the former, but I know what it is not to fancy someone and not to feel like having sex. I don't see what is so confusing about it!

Reply 78

TheSownRose

Original post by Jelkin

That's much easier to understand. What people find it harder to understand is that a) asexuals can and do fancy other people and b) some do feel like having sex.

Reply 79

amaranthus

I identify as asexual, under the definition that I don't experience sexual attraction. I'm not aromantic; I am romantically attracted to men, but have no interest in sex or sexual activity. However, I'm not averse to a certain amount of physical contact - hugging, cuddling, but not sexually intimate contact.

I'm not a virgin.
I don't masturbate, and never have.

I tried relationships, but never wanted to go all the way, so I'd abruptly back off. I got called frigid by one guy, a prick-tease by another. I tried sex, but got nothing out of it. For the longest time, I thought there was something wrong with me. It's only recently - within the last two years or so - that I've accepted my orientation. I never told anyone, because explaining it just seemed too complicated. I finally told my brother (who's gay) and my sister (who's married), and a very close male friend (who didn't 'get it' but accepts it). I've also told a guy who I've gotten close to. He really likes me, and I'm very fond of him, and I wanted him to know up front.

I can either live without a relationship (which I'm absolutely fine with), find an asexual man where there's a mutual attraction (difficult) or expect a heterosexual male to enter into a relationship where he won't have sex. Not very fair.

I don't know what's going to happen with the guy I mentioned above. He says he's ok with my asexuality and knows what that means, but we'll see how things go.

How to explain asexuality? Damn, it's complicated.