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Need advice here, am really devastated right now i don't know what on earth to think.
To cut the long story short, bf and I have been together for 8mths now, we used to live really close to each other, like a 20min bus ride. Then all of a sudden, his dad in his hometown told him something happened and he had to go back. So within 2 days, he packed and left, only to realised nothing happened when he got back and his dad had tricked him into going back. Now before he left, he promised he'll be back in 2months because we were to collect our A level results then. but now he says his dad told him that he won't be allowed to go back, and basically he won't set foot in the country i'm in ever again. we can still try to get to the same country for uni or better still, the same uni.
I promised to wait for him to come back for me before he left. i really really love him, but the wait is killing me, especially so that it might not just be 2months, but a whole year. and plus, i'm not confident of getting into the same uni as him.
question. should i break up with him now and cut the wait short? or wait till march and see if he still makes it back? or wait forever till we get to the same uni (if we do)? what should i do now? i feel really sad and empty ):
To cut the long story short, bf and I have been together for 8mths now, we used to live really close to each other, like a 20min bus ride. Then all of a sudden, his dad in his hometown told him something happened and he had to go back. So within 2 days, he packed and left, only to realised nothing happened when he got back and his dad had tricked him into going back. Now before he left, he promised he'll be back in 2months because we were to collect our A level results then. but now he says his dad told him that he won't be allowed to go back, and basically he won't set foot in the country i'm in ever again. we can still try to get to the same country for uni or better still, the same uni.
I promised to wait for him to come back for me before he left. i really really love him, but the wait is killing me, especially so that it might not just be 2months, but a whole year. and plus, i'm not confident of getting into the same uni as him.
question. should i break up with him now and cut the wait short? or wait till march and see if he still makes it back? or wait forever till we get to the same uni (if we do)? what should i do now? i feel really sad and empty ):
Hey guys,
I've posted here a couple of times before, but basically I've been in an LDR with my boyfriend for nearly two years now, and he just got a new job, starting Monday, which is great for him, but I am PETRIFIED. I can't tell him how I'm feeling because I think he'd go mad, and because this job's such a good opportunity for him I don't want to say I'm feeling negative about it anyway as I want to be supportive but also don't want to put him off as I know he's also a little nervous, but is mostly excited.
The first thing is, we have now lost our weekends together. I am at university and so travelling in the week is out of the question for me, and because of the nature of the job, having weekends off are out of the question for him. He hasn't been given his exact days yet, only that he will be working 5 days a week and 42 hours, but he has requested to have two days together off in the week, and he said they sounded positive about that idea, and he thinks that's great. But I'm not so confident at all. It will mean that he is going to have to travel to me all of the time, as there will be no point in me going to him at the weekends when he will be working 8/9 hours both days and then has band practice on a sunday evening. At least on those weekdays I am only likely to have 2 lectures a day and will only need to nip out for a short amount of time. He already doesn't like the travelling much, and I know he will get fed up of it and we will see each other less, and he'll get bored of the situation and realise it's not worth the effort.
Which brings me to the other thing: he is also going to be a lot of women, who are all going to know a lot about fashion because of the nature of the job and therefore be better suited to him on that level, and while I might be wrong about this, because the company is fairly prestigious, I think they are likely to pick people who are good looking, who will model the clothes well - my boyfriend certainly falls into this category, having the typical male fashion model physique and a typically attractive face. My boyfriend wasn't particularly attracted to me when we first met, and I am not a very good looking person at all, highlighted by the fact that he is my first and only boyfriend, and I feel like there is just no hope for us when it's going to become so inconvenient and he is surrounded by attractive women every day who are going to be more on his wave length and bound to be interested in him.
I don't know if this sounds pathetic, but I hope there's at least someone out there who understands that to me it doesn't feel pathetic at all, and I am very stressed and upset about it. I have been poorly for over a week now, and I have my first exam in 5 days and I am nowhere near ready for it, that should be the priority of my thinking but I can't concentrate at all. I struggle with anxiety, and I just keep bursting into tears, I think as a combination of the pressures of my exams and the situation with my boyfriend. I feel like I'm just waiting for it to fall apart, and part of me wonders whether I should just end it now to save the hurt later, but I love him more than anything and the idea of us ending is what's upsetting me in the first place. I guess I'm just looking for some support or advice if anyone has any...
Thanks so much if you've read this
I've posted here a couple of times before, but basically I've been in an LDR with my boyfriend for nearly two years now, and he just got a new job, starting Monday, which is great for him, but I am PETRIFIED. I can't tell him how I'm feeling because I think he'd go mad, and because this job's such a good opportunity for him I don't want to say I'm feeling negative about it anyway as I want to be supportive but also don't want to put him off as I know he's also a little nervous, but is mostly excited.
The first thing is, we have now lost our weekends together. I am at university and so travelling in the week is out of the question for me, and because of the nature of the job, having weekends off are out of the question for him. He hasn't been given his exact days yet, only that he will be working 5 days a week and 42 hours, but he has requested to have two days together off in the week, and he said they sounded positive about that idea, and he thinks that's great. But I'm not so confident at all. It will mean that he is going to have to travel to me all of the time, as there will be no point in me going to him at the weekends when he will be working 8/9 hours both days and then has band practice on a sunday evening. At least on those weekdays I am only likely to have 2 lectures a day and will only need to nip out for a short amount of time. He already doesn't like the travelling much, and I know he will get fed up of it and we will see each other less, and he'll get bored of the situation and realise it's not worth the effort.
Which brings me to the other thing: he is also going to be a lot of women, who are all going to know a lot about fashion because of the nature of the job and therefore be better suited to him on that level, and while I might be wrong about this, because the company is fairly prestigious, I think they are likely to pick people who are good looking, who will model the clothes well - my boyfriend certainly falls into this category, having the typical male fashion model physique and a typically attractive face. My boyfriend wasn't particularly attracted to me when we first met, and I am not a very good looking person at all, highlighted by the fact that he is my first and only boyfriend, and I feel like there is just no hope for us when it's going to become so inconvenient and he is surrounded by attractive women every day who are going to be more on his wave length and bound to be interested in him.
I don't know if this sounds pathetic, but I hope there's at least someone out there who understands that to me it doesn't feel pathetic at all, and I am very stressed and upset about it. I have been poorly for over a week now, and I have my first exam in 5 days and I am nowhere near ready for it, that should be the priority of my thinking but I can't concentrate at all. I struggle with anxiety, and I just keep bursting into tears, I think as a combination of the pressures of my exams and the situation with my boyfriend. I feel like I'm just waiting for it to fall apart, and part of me wonders whether I should just end it now to save the hurt later, but I love him more than anything and the idea of us ending is what's upsetting me in the first place. I guess I'm just looking for some support or advice if anyone has any...
Thanks so much if you've read this
Hi, just looking for some advice about the start of a LDR...
My boyfriend of two months is moving away to Belgium for 4 years on Saturday. While the long term is not too scary for me (as we've both set out when we'd like to visit each other, and promised to be honest with the other about growing bored of the situation), the next few days seem like they are going to be the worst. I'm going to have to get used to not being able to pop over to his for a hug
Does anyone have any advice how to get through the start of a LDR, and the sudden change?
My boyfriend of two months is moving away to Belgium for 4 years on Saturday. While the long term is not too scary for me (as we've both set out when we'd like to visit each other, and promised to be honest with the other about growing bored of the situation), the next few days seem like they are going to be the worst. I'm going to have to get used to not being able to pop over to his for a hug
Does anyone have any advice how to get through the start of a LDR, and the sudden change?
Original post by LittleRed
Hey guys,
I've posted here a couple of times before, but basically I've been in an LDR with my boyfriend for nearly two years now, and he just got a new job, starting Monday, which is great for him, but I am PETRIFIED. I can't tell him how I'm feeling because I think he'd go mad, and because this job's such a good opportunity for him I don't want to say I'm feeling negative about it anyway as I want to be supportive but also don't want to put him off as I know he's also a little nervous, but is mostly excited.
The first thing is, we have now lost our weekends together. I am at university and so travelling in the week is out of the question for me, and because of the nature of the job, having weekends off are out of the question for him. He hasn't been given his exact days yet, only that he will be working 5 days a week and 42 hours, but he has requested to have two days together off in the week, and he said they sounded positive about that idea, and he thinks that's great. But I'm not so confident at all. It will mean that he is going to have to travel to me all of the time, as there will be no point in me going to him at the weekends when he will be working 8/9 hours both days and then has band practice on a sunday evening. At least on those weekdays I am only likely to have 2 lectures a day and will only need to nip out for a short amount of time. He already doesn't like the travelling much, and I know he will get fed up of it and we will see each other less, and he'll get bored of the situation and realise it's not worth the effort.
Which brings me to the other thing: he is also going to be a lot of women, who are all going to know a lot about fashion because of the nature of the job and therefore be better suited to him on that level, and while I might be wrong about this, because the company is fairly prestigious, I think they are likely to pick people who are good looking, who will model the clothes well - my boyfriend certainly falls into this category, having the typical male fashion model physique and a typically attractive face. My boyfriend wasn't particularly attracted to me when we first met, and I am not a very good looking person at all, highlighted by the fact that he is my first and only boyfriend, and I feel like there is just no hope for us when it's going to become so inconvenient and he is surrounded by attractive women every day who are going to be more on his wave length and bound to be interested in him.
I don't know if this sounds pathetic, but I hope there's at least someone out there who understands that to me it doesn't feel pathetic at all, and I am very stressed and upset about it. I have been poorly for over a week now, and I have my first exam in 5 days and I am nowhere near ready for it, that should be the priority of my thinking but I can't concentrate at all. I struggle with anxiety, and I just keep bursting into tears, I think as a combination of the pressures of my exams and the situation with my boyfriend. I feel like I'm just waiting for it to fall apart, and part of me wonders whether I should just end it now to save the hurt later, but I love him more than anything and the idea of us ending is what's upsetting me in the first place. I guess I'm just looking for some support or advice if anyone has any...
Thanks so much if you've read this
I've posted here a couple of times before, but basically I've been in an LDR with my boyfriend for nearly two years now, and he just got a new job, starting Monday, which is great for him, but I am PETRIFIED. I can't tell him how I'm feeling because I think he'd go mad, and because this job's such a good opportunity for him I don't want to say I'm feeling negative about it anyway as I want to be supportive but also don't want to put him off as I know he's also a little nervous, but is mostly excited.
The first thing is, we have now lost our weekends together. I am at university and so travelling in the week is out of the question for me, and because of the nature of the job, having weekends off are out of the question for him. He hasn't been given his exact days yet, only that he will be working 5 days a week and 42 hours, but he has requested to have two days together off in the week, and he said they sounded positive about that idea, and he thinks that's great. But I'm not so confident at all. It will mean that he is going to have to travel to me all of the time, as there will be no point in me going to him at the weekends when he will be working 8/9 hours both days and then has band practice on a sunday evening. At least on those weekdays I am only likely to have 2 lectures a day and will only need to nip out for a short amount of time. He already doesn't like the travelling much, and I know he will get fed up of it and we will see each other less, and he'll get bored of the situation and realise it's not worth the effort.
Which brings me to the other thing: he is also going to be a lot of women, who are all going to know a lot about fashion because of the nature of the job and therefore be better suited to him on that level, and while I might be wrong about this, because the company is fairly prestigious, I think they are likely to pick people who are good looking, who will model the clothes well - my boyfriend certainly falls into this category, having the typical male fashion model physique and a typically attractive face. My boyfriend wasn't particularly attracted to me when we first met, and I am not a very good looking person at all, highlighted by the fact that he is my first and only boyfriend, and I feel like there is just no hope for us when it's going to become so inconvenient and he is surrounded by attractive women every day who are going to be more on his wave length and bound to be interested in him.
I don't know if this sounds pathetic, but I hope there's at least someone out there who understands that to me it doesn't feel pathetic at all, and I am very stressed and upset about it. I have been poorly for over a week now, and I have my first exam in 5 days and I am nowhere near ready for it, that should be the priority of my thinking but I can't concentrate at all. I struggle with anxiety, and I just keep bursting into tears, I think as a combination of the pressures of my exams and the situation with my boyfriend. I feel like I'm just waiting for it to fall apart, and part of me wonders whether I should just end it now to save the hurt later, but I love him more than anything and the idea of us ending is what's upsetting me in the first place. I guess I'm just looking for some support or advice if anyone has any...
Thanks so much if you've read this
Me thinks you should tell him how you are feeling. Why be in a relationship if you can't even express your concerns about a situation?
Why not just show him everything that you have just written? There's no reason for him to get angry.
If he loves you enough then the distance will be no object. Talk to him.
Original post by Converse
Me thinks you should tell him how you are feeling. Why be in a relationship if you can't even express your concerns about a situation?
Why not just show him everything that you have just written? There's no reason for him to get angry.
If he loves you enough then the distance will be no object. Talk to him.
Why not just show him everything that you have just written? There's no reason for him to get angry.
If he loves you enough then the distance will be no object. Talk to him.
Hey, thanks for this
Not sure if I made it clear in my post but we have been long distance for a year and a half of our two years together, so the distance itself isn't an issue here, it's just that we both used to be free at weekends where as now his time off is going to be during the week where as mine will remain to be at weekends as I am at uni. We don't live in the same place during holidays either, but it's only a 50 minute train journey in the holidays, and as my holiday job is retail too I imagine it will be pretty easy for me to request having the same week days off as weekends will be busy for them too.
I've realised that I can still go to him on weekends, it's just that there won't be much point in doing that very often as I will only get a couple of hours with him on Friday and Saturday evenings, where as when he comes to me in the week, the most I'm going to be in on one weekday is probably going to be three hours (haven't had my timetable yet) so it makes more sense. It's just I don't feel like it's fair on him to travel every week, and he'll get tired of it and I don't want that to become a motivation for us splitting.
Anyway, I did actually talk to him about it last night as it happens, told him that I could occasionally go there on a weekend and just do uni work while he is at work. I also spoke to him about some of the other stuff, not quite all because I feel like it is a sensitive issue. As you will have read, I am insecure about him meeting someone better than me and feel like there is a very likely chance, but I didn't want to expressly say that to him because it comes across as me not trusting him. I have told him that I have considered that all of this means a big lifestyle change, and it is worrying me slightly that naturally he will move forward and we'll grow apart, but acknowledged the fact that I am happy he has this opportunity. I did kind of face the other stuff inadvertently, as I casually pointed out that I didn't want to go into the place where he worked because they have a very strict criteria as part of their employment that everyone has to be good looking, and I feel that all of the girls will laugh at me and call me fit to burn behind my back. He said that that was ridiculous and that he didn't want me to feel like that because he eventually wanted to introduce me to all of his new workmates. I guess there wasn't much point in going on about it anymore than that, because I don't want to hammer on about not being good enough and him wanting one of the girls from work because they're all good looking too much, because then I feel like if anything it will make more chance of it happening. I've kind of breathed my concerns into the air without (I hope) making a big deal out of it, and now I've got to let it lie and try not to worry unless I find reason to worry.
Thanks for your advice though, let me know if you think I dealt with this in the right way! I am a really insecure person about these kinds of things and I'm trying to become a better person in how I deal with them
I've never been a big drama queen, but I hope that in applying a more relaxed attitude I will become more relaxed in myself 
Original post by Monicaca
Hi, just looking for some advice about the start of a LDR...
My boyfriend of two months is moving away to Belgium for 4 years on Saturday. While the long term is not too scary for me (as we've both set out when we'd like to visit each other, and promised to be honest with the other about growing bored of the situation), the next few days seem like they are going to be the worst. I'm going to have to get used to not being able to pop over to his for a hug
Does anyone have any advice how to get through the start of a LDR, and the sudden change?
My boyfriend of two months is moving away to Belgium for 4 years on Saturday. While the long term is not too scary for me (as we've both set out when we'd like to visit each other, and promised to be honest with the other about growing bored of the situation), the next few days seem like they are going to be the worst. I'm going to have to get used to not being able to pop over to his for a hug
Does anyone have any advice how to get through the start of a LDR, and the sudden change?
I'm going to be honest with you. It's going to be incredibly hard to get through this. The only advice I can give you is to try and keep yourself as busy as possible. It will be difficult and you will feel as though the relationship isn't worth it after a while.
However if you both keep in contact and meet as often as possible then you should be fine. In the space of 4 years, there is a chance that you'll meet someone else - now I know you don't want to hear this but it's the truth. Just like he said, let him know if you get bored, it will be easier for the both of you.
-AS
So...
I was in an LDR for just over two years, and he decided he couldn't do it anymore.
He got with someone else straight after me and said it felt so wrong and all the could think about since is getting back with me
This was three months ago..
Since then it's been a constant tennis match, back and forth and we can't seem to resolve our issues..
1. I'm struggling to see how I'll trust him again when he was talking to this girl when we were together, he says they did nothing until we broke up, I beg to differ. Trust is such a big thing in any relationship, but in LDRs it's even worse and I don't want to have to keep checking up on him!
2. I say I'd like to meet up more, but I know it won't happen as we're both doing demanding A levels and we both work when the other is off work.
3. He wants to take a year out and go travelling, I might end up going to Uni abroad and if I struggled to go a whole summer without him, I will certainly struggle with this
4. This is random but I asked him what his favourite thing about me was. And he said that I'm like a Stepford Wife. Because I cooked and cleaned and had sex with him whenever he wanted. And I was highly offended, is this a d*ck-ish comment or am I being over-sensitive?
ARGH, I thought getting in to an LDR was hard enough, but after breaking up I'm thinking making up is a thing of nightmares.
HELP PLEASE
I was in an LDR for just over two years, and he decided he couldn't do it anymore.
He got with someone else straight after me and said it felt so wrong and all the could think about since is getting back with me
This was three months ago..
Since then it's been a constant tennis match, back and forth and we can't seem to resolve our issues..
1. I'm struggling to see how I'll trust him again when he was talking to this girl when we were together, he says they did nothing until we broke up, I beg to differ. Trust is such a big thing in any relationship, but in LDRs it's even worse and I don't want to have to keep checking up on him!
2. I say I'd like to meet up more, but I know it won't happen as we're both doing demanding A levels and we both work when the other is off work.
3. He wants to take a year out and go travelling, I might end up going to Uni abroad and if I struggled to go a whole summer without him, I will certainly struggle with this
4. This is random but I asked him what his favourite thing about me was. And he said that I'm like a Stepford Wife. Because I cooked and cleaned and had sex with him whenever he wanted. And I was highly offended, is this a d*ck-ish comment or am I being over-sensitive?
ARGH, I thought getting in to an LDR was hard enough, but after breaking up I'm thinking making up is a thing of nightmares.
HELP PLEASE
Original post by Anonymous
So...
I was in an LDR for just over two years, and he decided he couldn't do it anymore.
He got with someone else straight after me and said it felt so wrong and all the could think about since is getting back with me
This was three months ago..
Since then it's been a constant tennis match, back and forth and we can't seem to resolve our issues..
1. I'm struggling to see how I'll trust him again when he was talking to this girl when we were together, he says they did nothing until we broke up, I beg to differ. Trust is such a big thing in any relationship, but in LDRs it's even worse and I don't want to have to keep checking up on him!
2. I say I'd like to meet up more, but I know it won't happen as we're both doing demanding A levels and we both work when the other is off work.
3. He wants to take a year out and go travelling, I might end up going to Uni abroad and if I struggled to go a whole summer without him, I will certainly struggle with this
4. This is random but I asked him what his favourite thing about me was. And he said that I'm like a Stepford Wife. Because I cooked and cleaned and had sex with him whenever he wanted. And I was highly offended, is this a d*ck-ish comment or am I being over-sensitive?
ARGH, I thought getting in to an LDR was hard enough, but after breaking up I'm thinking making up is a thing of nightmares.
HELP PLEASE
I was in an LDR for just over two years, and he decided he couldn't do it anymore.
He got with someone else straight after me and said it felt so wrong and all the could think about since is getting back with me
This was three months ago..
Since then it's been a constant tennis match, back and forth and we can't seem to resolve our issues..
1. I'm struggling to see how I'll trust him again when he was talking to this girl when we were together, he says they did nothing until we broke up, I beg to differ. Trust is such a big thing in any relationship, but in LDRs it's even worse and I don't want to have to keep checking up on him!
2. I say I'd like to meet up more, but I know it won't happen as we're both doing demanding A levels and we both work when the other is off work.
3. He wants to take a year out and go travelling, I might end up going to Uni abroad and if I struggled to go a whole summer without him, I will certainly struggle with this
4. This is random but I asked him what his favourite thing about me was. And he said that I'm like a Stepford Wife. Because I cooked and cleaned and had sex with him whenever he wanted. And I was highly offended, is this a d*ck-ish comment or am I being over-sensitive?
ARGH, I thought getting in to an LDR was hard enough, but after breaking up I'm thinking making up is a thing of nightmares.
HELP PLEASE
No offence, but breaking up with him definitely sounded like a good thing to do the first time around. He sounds like a d***, I'd say having him out of your life is the best thing. Move on, find a guy that can treat you right who is immediately in your life, not someone who essentially wanted to cheat on you with this girl as well as being an LDR boyfriend. Sounds like you deserve someone better.
Could someone post some opinions and experiences on fidelity in long distance relationships?
I've heard that a lot of people have "quick snogs" or the pressure of being apart from their partner gets to them so they seek comfort elsewhere.
And everyone seems to always talk about cheating, but there must be some people who don't cheat or flirt in LDRs...right?
I've heard that a lot of people have "quick snogs" or the pressure of being apart from their partner gets to them so they seek comfort elsewhere.
And everyone seems to always talk about cheating, but there must be some people who don't cheat or flirt in LDRs...right?
Original post by staring.space
No offence, but breaking up with him definitely sounded like a good thing to do the first time around. He sounds like a d***, I'd say having him out of your life is the best thing. Move on, find a guy that can treat you right who is immediately in your life, not someone who essentially wanted to cheat on you with this girl as well as being an LDR boyfriend. Sounds like you deserve someone better.
I agree. Sounds to me like he wanted to break-up the first time round so that he could sleep with other people and that makes me think that he's not that committed to your relationship at all. And the Stepford Wives comment IS incredibly dickish.
Can someone give their opinions and experiences of fidelity in LDRs?
I've heard that many people have "quick snogs" and some get too lonely or upset because of their long distance situation and seek comfort elsewhere.
But there must be people who don't cheat or flirt, right?
I've heard that many people have "quick snogs" and some get too lonely or upset because of their long distance situation and seek comfort elsewhere.
But there must be people who don't cheat or flirt, right?
Original post by Anonymous
Can someone give their opinions and experiences of fidelity in LDRs?
I've heard that many people have "quick snogs" and some get too lonely or upset because of their long distance situation and seek comfort elsewhere.
But there must be people who don't cheat or flirt, right?
I've heard that many people have "quick snogs" and some get too lonely or upset because of their long distance situation and seek comfort elsewhere.
But there must be people who don't cheat or flirt, right?
Yep, I can assure you that I've never had a "quick snog" with anyone else or anything like that! At the end of the day it isn't worth it when you love the person you're with because a) you wouldn't want to hurt them and b) it makes it extra special when you finally do get to kiss them
Original post by staring.space
No offence, but breaking up with him definitely sounded like a good thing to do the first time around. He sounds like a d***, I'd say having him out of your life is the best thing. Move on, find a guy that can treat you right who is immediately in your life, not someone who essentially wanted to cheat on you with this girl as well as being an LDR boyfriend. Sounds like you deserve someone better.
Original post by riotgrrl
I agree. Sounds to me like he wanted to break-up the first time round so that he could sleep with other people and that makes me think that he's not that committed to your relationship at all. And the Stepford Wives comment IS incredibly dickish.
Thankss.. It's cause he always used to say I'm too touchy about stuff so now I wonder if I'm being too sensitive.
The more I type out and say to myself the things he did, the more I find myself thinking "WHY DID I STAY WITH THIS IDIOT"
I'm definitely a fan of LDRs though, and would not mind getting into another one!
Just maybe not with my ex haha
Thanks for the advice, I can now move on!!
Been in a LDR for a couple of months now and everything was fine at the beginning and I thought we'd be able to cope pretty well just seeing each other once a month for a few days (he goes to uni in Exeter, I'm on a gap year and live in London) but now really starting to feel the bad side effects. I miss him so much, it's silly. I feel lonely without him (and my friends who are at uni, too!) and don't really know what to do to pass the time when I don't see him.
Hi all!
Basically...me and this guy I was seeing go to different universities (we are both in first year)...we were seeing each other during the summer and we were also friends beforehand but he said things just couldnt work because of the distance, and so we ended things at the end of september. The next time I saw him was last week and we had a chat and we still have the same feelings for each other as we did before, but again, he said the distance would just be too much of a problem and he said he couldnt put me through that. We live 3 and half hours away from each other by train but we are from the same home town. I only live an hour away plus I have no commitments at the weekend, so I come home every weekend. But its more the situation with him...he can only come home every 4 weeks because he does sport at the weekends. His family and best friends have been complaining to him that he doesnt come home too often. He will also be away this summer as he and his friends are going to canada for the summer. He said the next 'long lenght' of time we'd have together would be next Christmas...
It kills me to say that he thinks things wont work because of the distance...am I irrational and naive to think that things would work despite the distance? I dunno...the way I see it is...if someone really wanted to be with me, then we could overcome the distance? I know he feels the same about me, but its kind of like Im thinking more with my heart and him with his mind...theres obviously more to it than this, but I just cant see it?! If two people wanted to be together then surely a distance wouldnt matter? I dont know what to think of this...
Basically...me and this guy I was seeing go to different universities (we are both in first year)...we were seeing each other during the summer and we were also friends beforehand but he said things just couldnt work because of the distance, and so we ended things at the end of september. The next time I saw him was last week and we had a chat and we still have the same feelings for each other as we did before, but again, he said the distance would just be too much of a problem and he said he couldnt put me through that. We live 3 and half hours away from each other by train but we are from the same home town. I only live an hour away plus I have no commitments at the weekend, so I come home every weekend. But its more the situation with him...he can only come home every 4 weeks because he does sport at the weekends. His family and best friends have been complaining to him that he doesnt come home too often. He will also be away this summer as he and his friends are going to canada for the summer. He said the next 'long lenght' of time we'd have together would be next Christmas...
It kills me to say that he thinks things wont work because of the distance...am I irrational and naive to think that things would work despite the distance? I dunno...the way I see it is...if someone really wanted to be with me, then we could overcome the distance? I know he feels the same about me, but its kind of like Im thinking more with my heart and him with his mind...theres obviously more to it than this, but I just cant see it?! If two people wanted to be together then surely a distance wouldnt matter? I dont know what to think of this...
Original post by Anonymous
Hi all!
Basically...me and this guy I was seeing go to different universities (we are both in first year)...we were seeing each other during the summer and we were also friends beforehand but he said things just couldnt work because of the distance, and so we ended things at the end of september. The next time I saw him was last week and we had a chat and we still have the same feelings for each other as we did before, but again, he said the distance would just be too much of a problem and he said he couldnt put me through that. We live 3 and half hours away from each other by train but we are from the same home town. I only live an hour away plus I have no commitments at the weekend, so I come home every weekend. But its more the situation with him...he can only come home every 4 weeks because he does sport at the weekends. His family and best friends have been complaining to him that he doesnt come home too often. He will also be away this summer as he and his friends are going to canada for the summer. He said the next 'long lenght' of time we'd have together would be next Christmas...
It kills me to say that he thinks things wont work because of the distance...am I irrational and naive to think that things would work despite the distance? I dunno...the way I see it is...if someone really wanted to be with me, then we could overcome the distance? I know he feels the same about me, but its kind of like Im thinking more with my heart and him with his mind...theres obviously more to it than this, but I just cant see it?! If two people wanted to be together then surely a distance wouldnt matter? I dont know what to think of this...
Basically...me and this guy I was seeing go to different universities (we are both in first year)...we were seeing each other during the summer and we were also friends beforehand but he said things just couldnt work because of the distance, and so we ended things at the end of september. The next time I saw him was last week and we had a chat and we still have the same feelings for each other as we did before, but again, he said the distance would just be too much of a problem and he said he couldnt put me through that. We live 3 and half hours away from each other by train but we are from the same home town. I only live an hour away plus I have no commitments at the weekend, so I come home every weekend. But its more the situation with him...he can only come home every 4 weeks because he does sport at the weekends. His family and best friends have been complaining to him that he doesnt come home too often. He will also be away this summer as he and his friends are going to canada for the summer. He said the next 'long lenght' of time we'd have together would be next Christmas...
It kills me to say that he thinks things wont work because of the distance...am I irrational and naive to think that things would work despite the distance? I dunno...the way I see it is...if someone really wanted to be with me, then we could overcome the distance? I know he feels the same about me, but its kind of like Im thinking more with my heart and him with his mind...theres obviously more to it than this, but I just cant see it?! If two people wanted to be together then surely a distance wouldnt matter? I dont know what to think of this...
In an ideal world, distance wouldn't make a distance...but a long distance relationship IS hard work. There are benefits, but if your (or in this case, your potential partner's) heart isn't really in it, then maybe it's not the best thing. If you've tried it once already and he didn't feel it was right, who's to say it will work this time?
Of course, it's between you two - if he thinks he can cope with it then by all means go for it. But don't make the mistake of thinking that it'll be easy just because you want it to be.
Original post by LittleRed
Yep, I can assure you that I've never had a "quick snog" with anyone else or anything like that! At the end of the day it isn't worth it when you love the person you're with because a) you wouldn't want to hurt them and b) it makes it extra special when you finally do get to kiss them
yeah LittleRed you're right. I suppose people only post on these forums if they do have a problem so you don't see the positive side as much. Some long distance relationships do work out.
Original post by Anonymous
Hi all!
Basically...me and this guy I was seeing go to different universities (we are both in first year)...we were seeing each other during the summer and we were also friends beforehand but he said things just couldnt work because of the distance, and so we ended things at the end of september. The next time I saw him was last week and we had a chat and we still have the same feelings for each other as we did before, but again, he said the distance would just be too much of a problem and he said he couldnt put me through that. We live 3 and half hours away from each other by train but we are from the same home town. I only live an hour away plus I have no commitments at the weekend, so I come home every weekend. But its more the situation with him...he can only come home every 4 weeks because he does sport at the weekends. His family and best friends have been complaining to him that he doesnt come home too often. He will also be away this summer as he and his friends are going to canada for the summer. He said the next 'long lenght' of time we'd have together would be next Christmas...
It kills me to say that he thinks things wont work because of the distance...am I irrational and naive to think that things would work despite the distance? I dunno...the way I see it is...if someone really wanted to be with me, then we could overcome the distance? I know he feels the same about me, but its kind of like Im thinking more with my heart and him with his mind...theres obviously more to it than this, but I just cant see it?! If two people wanted to be together then surely a distance wouldnt matter? I dont know what to think of this...
Basically...me and this guy I was seeing go to different universities (we are both in first year)...we were seeing each other during the summer and we were also friends beforehand but he said things just couldnt work because of the distance, and so we ended things at the end of september. The next time I saw him was last week and we had a chat and we still have the same feelings for each other as we did before, but again, he said the distance would just be too much of a problem and he said he couldnt put me through that. We live 3 and half hours away from each other by train but we are from the same home town. I only live an hour away plus I have no commitments at the weekend, so I come home every weekend. But its more the situation with him...he can only come home every 4 weeks because he does sport at the weekends. His family and best friends have been complaining to him that he doesnt come home too often. He will also be away this summer as he and his friends are going to canada for the summer. He said the next 'long lenght' of time we'd have together would be next Christmas...
It kills me to say that he thinks things wont work because of the distance...am I irrational and naive to think that things would work despite the distance? I dunno...the way I see it is...if someone really wanted to be with me, then we could overcome the distance? I know he feels the same about me, but its kind of like Im thinking more with my heart and him with his mind...theres obviously more to it than this, but I just cant see it?! If two people wanted to be together then surely a distance wouldnt matter? I dont know what to think of this...
You're not irrational at all, some people can hack long distance relationships and you clearly care about him very much and are willing to. Long distance relationships only work however if both people are willing to make it work. He does care about you but just has different ideas about love and relationships. To him, he probably feels if he can't see you frequently it just won't work as he'll either lose his feelings, be tempted elsewhere or miss you too much. It was a bit of a cowards way out saying "he couldn't put you through that" because it sounds like it's more of a problem for him. If he isn't that committed then I'm really sorry but it would be best if you don't put yourself through even more pain and let him go. It's going to be hard getting over him, but the best thing you can do is live your life to the full and have nice fun experiences with other guys until you find one which makes you happy.
Hello,
Well I have been in a relationship for over two years now and most of it was LD, I've just got back from seeing her. We were planning on living in a flat together next year while I finish my last year of Uni. Now that it's getting closer to actually ending the LDR I'm not sure if I can take moving in with someone. I just feel like 21 is too young to be getting so serious and committed. I know that a LDR is a commitment, but it's quite different to moving in together. But we also both don't want to carry on in a LDR, so it's either move in together or end it really.
Any thoughts appreciated. Would I be crazy to throw it all away after being in an LDR so long? I mean, how common is it for people to move in with their final partner at 21? I'm scared that I'll regret not really "having a life" before settling down, whatever that means really.
Well I have been in a relationship for over two years now and most of it was LD, I've just got back from seeing her. We were planning on living in a flat together next year while I finish my last year of Uni. Now that it's getting closer to actually ending the LDR I'm not sure if I can take moving in with someone. I just feel like 21 is too young to be getting so serious and committed. I know that a LDR is a commitment, but it's quite different to moving in together. But we also both don't want to carry on in a LDR, so it's either move in together or end it really.
Any thoughts appreciated. Would I be crazy to throw it all away after being in an LDR so long? I mean, how common is it for people to move in with their final partner at 21? I'm scared that I'll regret not really "having a life" before settling down, whatever that means really.
Original post by Fungrus
Hello,
Well I have been in a relationship for over two years now and most of it was LD, I've just got back from seeing her. We were planning on living in a flat together next year while I finish my last year of Uni. Now that it's getting closer to actually ending the LDR I'm not sure if I can take moving in with someone. I just feel like 21 is too young to be getting so serious and committed. I know that a LDR is a commitment, but it's quite different to moving in together. But we also both don't want to carry on in a LDR, so it's either move in together or end it really.
Any thoughts appreciated. Would I be crazy to throw it all away after being in an LDR so long? I mean, how common is it for people to move in with their final partner at 21? I'm scared that I'll regret not really "having a life" before settling down, whatever that means really.
Well I have been in a relationship for over two years now and most of it was LD, I've just got back from seeing her. We were planning on living in a flat together next year while I finish my last year of Uni. Now that it's getting closer to actually ending the LDR I'm not sure if I can take moving in with someone. I just feel like 21 is too young to be getting so serious and committed. I know that a LDR is a commitment, but it's quite different to moving in together. But we also both don't want to carry on in a LDR, so it's either move in together or end it really.
Any thoughts appreciated. Would I be crazy to throw it all away after being in an LDR so long? I mean, how common is it for people to move in with their final partner at 21? I'm scared that I'll regret not really "having a life" before settling down, whatever that means really.
I was in this exact situation. We'd always planned to move in together when he graduated but then he dropped out of uni after second year so it came up a year earlier than we both expected. We'd only been together 18 months so I wasn't sure but his family live in Ireland so rather than a Scotland-England LDR it would have involved planes and it just seemed too much. We both decided it was better to move in together and give it a go because if we didn't we'd just break up anyway. I don't know how common it is but everyone's different. A lot of people would say it's rare for an LDR to last but if you're happy with your relationship why should their opinions matter?
It is scary, we were both only 20 at the time. We considered trying to find a flatshare for him so he was nearby but it wasn't so serious and we looked at two bedroom flats so it was more like flatmates than a couple. Would either of them be an option if you don't feel ready? Although we live together now his friend is moving back in September so we might end up living in separate flats with friends next year. I actually think that's what I want to do because I went from living at home to living with him so I kind of know what you mean about 'having a life', but if it doesn't happen and it turns out I live with him forever I don't think I'll have missed out on much. We can still go out separately and have friends round, it's not like being married with kids, there is still quite a lot of freedom. And remember once you move in together it doesn't mean it has to be permanent, there are a lot of options. Just make sure you talk about it and are both thinking the same thing because if she sees it as practically married and then you turn round and say you think you should find friends to live with next year she'll be upset. Hope that helped
(edited 13 years ago)
Original post by Fungrus
Hello,
Well I have been in a relationship for over two years now and most of it was LD, I've just got back from seeing her. We were planning on living in a flat together next year while I finish my last year of Uni. Now that it's getting closer to actually ending the LDR I'm not sure if I can take moving in with someone. I just feel like 21 is too young to be getting so serious and committed. I know that a LDR is a commitment, but it's quite different to moving in together. But we also both don't want to carry on in a LDR, so it's either move in together or end it really.
Any thoughts appreciated. Would I be crazy to throw it all away after being in an LDR so long? I mean, how common is it for people to move in with their final partner at 21? I'm scared that I'll regret not really "having a life" before settling down, whatever that means really.
Well I have been in a relationship for over two years now and most of it was LD, I've just got back from seeing her. We were planning on living in a flat together next year while I finish my last year of Uni. Now that it's getting closer to actually ending the LDR I'm not sure if I can take moving in with someone. I just feel like 21 is too young to be getting so serious and committed. I know that a LDR is a commitment, but it's quite different to moving in together. But we also both don't want to carry on in a LDR, so it's either move in together or end it really.
Any thoughts appreciated. Would I be crazy to throw it all away after being in an LDR so long? I mean, how common is it for people to move in with their final partner at 21? I'm scared that I'll regret not really "having a life" before settling down, whatever that means really.
Just because you move in with some one doesn't mean that you have to live together forever! Do you want to live with her or not? That's just thinking about her, not what society or your family/friends views on moving in together at 21 are. If you want to be with her then go for it, and if it works out then great and if it doesn't then you can always move on
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